Love, Lost and Found
by dantsolo
Summary: Originally posted elsewhere in 2001, this story is being edited and posted here. AU, Han and Leia meet post ANH while Han is in a relationship with Bria and Leia is also involved with someone else. In spite of their entanglements, sparks fly and drama ensues. Spans from post ANH through the end of ROTJ.
1. Chapter 1

This story was originally posted on The Jedi Council in 2001. I have always wanted to edit it for grammar, spelling, and melodrama lol. I finally started and will be posting the edited chapters as I go. For those who have never read it, I hope you enjoy it :)

Love, Lost and Found

By Dant Solo

Chapter One

Han Solo's hands moved deftly across the controls of the Millennium Falcon as he piloted the ship into the atmosphere of the planet Toriddos. He had visited many Rebel bases in the past year, but none as large as the one they were about to arrive on. The bases he had been to, had been small and poorly staffed. The base on Toriddos was headed by some of the highest officials in the Rebellion. Han was dreading this.

He had no real desire to visit Toriddos, not only because of the "official" status of the base, but also because he had heard how unpleasant the planet itself could be. From what he had heard, the climate was hot and sticky across barren plains. There were a few mountainous spots, and a body of water here or there, but mostly the land was flat. And uncomfortable. But it was a backwater planet where the Rebels would most likely remain unnoticed for a time. Solo wondered vaguely how well-hidden their base was on such a smooth, vapid expanse of land. He shrugged mentally, figuring that he would find out soon enough.

Han glanced at the woman sitting beside him in Chewbacca's oversized chair. This was all her fault. In spite of the vow he had made over a year ago, he found himself here with her. After what she had pulled on Ylesia, betraying both him and his friends, Solo had promised to never love again. And he had certainly had every intention of never loving _her_ again, in particular. But she had come to him, tracked him down in a moment of weakness, both his and hers, and begged his forgiveness. He had brushed her off at first, his hurt and anger too great to allow any soft feelings. But she had been persistent, had cried and pleaded with him to understand. She had told him of her orders from the upper echelons of the Alliance. And something in him had given way, had allowed her back into his heart.

It had taken a long time to truly trust her again. But now here they were, working together for the cause of the Rebellion. He hadn't intended to get as involved as he had eventually become. At first, he was only helping the woman he loved, intending to draw her away from her cause. It hadn't happened. Instead, he had been sucked in deeper as he accepted mission after mission, some with Bria and some without. Sometimes he wanted out so badly he felt like jumping out of his skin. Other times he looked at Bria Tharen, her sun-kissed hair and beautiful, determined face, and he knew he wanted to be nowhere else.

Yet he still held a part of himself back. The one thing he could not, _would not,_ give this woman, was the one thing she wanted most of all: a permanent commitment to the Rebel Alliance. For him to take a formal rank. He did not want to make such a gesture. He wasn't quite certain if his reluctance was due to a desire to retain some semblance of personal freedom from the Rebels…or from Bria.

Her voice broke Han from his reverie. "I wish Mon Mothma was going to be there."

Han looked at the fiery expression in her eyes. He had come to think of that look as her "rebel fervor". "Well, I'm sure you'll meet her soon enough." She seemed to live for the praise of the high-ranking leaders. Personally, Han couldn't understand it. High-ranking leaders made him want to do an about-face "Who is going to be there?"

"General Reikaan, Major Derlin. And I think Princess Leia."

Han nodded, surpressing a sigh. This was going to be _real_ boring, he just knew it. He knew that Bria had met both the General and the Princess before. She had talked about them endlessly, holding the Princess up to some ideal of what a Rebel should stand for. Based on that alone, Han was prepared to dislike her.

Chewie lumbered into the cockpit, grumbling. Instantly, Bria vacated the Wookiee's co-pilot seat and Chewbacca stepped past her to take his position.

Solo knew that his best friend had never forgiven Bria for the way she had hurt Han, over a year ago now. He would have preferred things to be different between the two most important people in his life, but there was nothing to be done about it. And the two never argued, they hardly spoke at all, in fact. They each went about their business, trying to stay out of each other's way. It was for the best that way; it worked well for everyone.

The comm system beeped and Han responded with the clearance code they had been given. The Rebel at the other end cleared them for landing and fed them the coordinates. Han brought the Falcon down in silence, wondering where the Alliance would send him next. If it weren't for Bria, Solo would have left the Rebels behind a long time ago.

As they neared the coordinates, Han saw that there were no structures of any kind along the dusty plains of Toriddos' environment. He neared the surface, wondering silently, when out of nowhere the ground seemed to open up, revealing what appeared to be an underground hangar. Han smiled in surprise as he guided his ship inside. Pretty clever.

The underground cavern was surprisingly large, larger than Han would have thought possible. He couldn't even imagine the work it must have taken to get this base carved out of the dirt and rock above it. Han brought the Falcon to a halt in the only open space he could find, coming to rest between a row of X-wings and a small Corellian blastboat. He could see the bustle of activity through the viewport. The hangar was filled with droids and technicians carrying out various tasks to keep things running smoothly.

When the ship's systems had been properly shut down, Han joined Bria at the ramp where she waited patiently. They started down, Han next to Bria, the Wookiee hanging back by the Falcon when they reached the bottom.

A small group awaited them at the bottom and Han's eyes were immediately drawn to the older man who stepped forward to greet Bria. To Han's surprise, Bria opened her arms to embrace the man.

"It's been a long time," she said with a warm smile.

"It certainly has," he responded.

Han noted that the man's voice was not quite as friendly as Bria's. But before he could ponder that, Bria was turning towards him.

"Han, this is General Rieekan." She gestured towards the older man.

"Han Solo," Han volunteered before Bria could finish the introduction. He stuck out a hand to Rieekan and the older man clasped it firmly.

"I've heard good things about you, Solo." Rieekan smiled admiringly.

"Yeah, well, they're not all true. And the stories that are true probably involved a lot of heavy drinking." Solo was pleased when the General smiled with amusement, rather than taking offense at his flippancy.

Bria had moved past them to hug someone behind Rieekan. Whoever it was, the person must have been small, for Han could not see the individual past his lover's head. When Bria pulled back, exchanging familiar pleasantries, Han's breath caught at the sight of the unexpected vision before him.

The woman was very petite and very young, with a beauty that defied description. She held herself with a regal grace that Han had never seen in such tiny human before. Her skin was smooth and flawless with soft, delicate features. Her large, brown eyes captivated him as she favored him with a polite smile.

"Han," Bria was saying distantly. "This is Princess Leia Organa. Your Highness, may I present Captain Han Solo."

So, this was the Princess. Han's eyes took in the perfectly formed, chestnut braids that were crisscrossed atop her head. He found himself wondering how she would look with her hair unbound, flowing wild and free down her back.

_Alright, Solo, get a grip, _he told himself._ It's not like you haven't seen beautiful women before._

Without betraying his reaction, Han offered his hand to the Princess. "Nice to meet ya." _Smooth, Solo, real smooth. _He winced inside.

She appraised him coolly with subtle inclination of her head. "A pleasure." Her voice was deeper than he would have expected, yet strangely melodic.

_Oh yeah, this one's a real piece of work._ Solo kept his gaze neutral. _Real cool, real calm. Cold, even._

General Rieekan's authoritative voice broke through Han's thoughts. "This is Major Derlin." He gestured to a middle-aged man with a mustache who shook their hands firmly. "And this is Major Tobin."

The man who stepped forward to greet them was young for such a high rank. He was tall and handsome, and Han noticed the way he positioned himself next to the Princess.

Princess Leia spoke next, her tone that of a woman who was accustomed to having her words obeyed. "Come, we will show you to your quarters. Then we have a meeting scheduled in the conference room."

_Count me out,_ Han mused as he followed them from the hangar. The only things he hated more than high ranking officials, were meetings with high ranking officials. That was Bria's territory.

Han strode down the corridor, searching for the mess area. Bria had disappeared hours ago, along with the group that had met them in the hangar. Han's mind was drawn to one member of that group in particular. He recalled the rosy blush that had stained the Princess' cheeks at the door to Bria's assigned quarters, when she had offered to show him to _his _quarters.

_I don't need my own quarters, Your Highnessness, _he had said with a wink, strolling into the small bedroom casually. The others had left them to walk ahead to the conference room, and as Bria entered the refresher, Han loped to the bed and dropped himself onto the thin mattress, snaking his hands behind his head and grinning at the Princess. For just a moment, Han could see an embarrassed anger under her iciness, and then it was quickly gone. She turned away to wait for Bria in the corridor outside of the small room. Remembering the crack in her facade, Han felt a great glimmer of satisfaction, although he wasn't sure why.

When Han rounded the corner, he could see the large mess area at the far end of the corridor. As he approached, another, smaller figure stepped into view from the adjoining corridor, nearly bumping into him. As Han's brain registered the identity of the other being, the tiniest burst of excitement flared through his insides.

Before he could question his own reaction, Solo found himself saying, "Why Your Highnessness, fancy meeting you here." He grinned lopsidedly.

Princess Leia nodded in stoic recognition. "Captain."

He pressed the controls to activate the door, and when it opened, he gestured expansively for her to proceed him. She raised an eyebrow at him, seeming to wonder if he were mocking her. She entered the mess, Han following closely behind.

He trailed her to the counter where the prepared rations were situated and was right behind her as they each took a tray and began to help themselves to dinner.

Han eyed his "meal" with a lack of enthusiasm. There was some sort of dried out meat, as well as a white, mushy substance he could not identify. Lastly, he took a container of nerf milk, the only thing that appeared even remotely appetizing.

He turned from the counter and saw that the room was filled with long, rectangular tables. It was late for dinner, and most of the tables were empty. He glanced at his companion, saw that she was headed for one of the empty tables, and decided to accompany her. For some unfathomable reason, he wanted to remain in her company.

As they approached the table, he saw her glance askance at him, clearly confused by his continued presence at her side. He smiled enthusiastically, enjoying the fact that he made her uncomfortable.

"Care for some company, Princess?" He could tell she wanted to tell him to get lost, but felt uncomfortable saying so. Instead she only shrugged and took a seat at the table, busying herself with her food.

He watched her furtively, an easy task since she never looked up from her plate. She was not his usual type. He normally preferred tall, leggy blonds, but there was something about her...

She wore a white, neatly pressed tunic. The way the collar fell under her chin framing her oval face, the halo of braids and her full lips, made her look like an angel. She was breathtaking, sitting there in the Rebel mess eating her meal in silence. He could not even begin to imagine what she would look like if she were dressed in something more princess-like.

Abruptly, she looked up at him, catching what had now become an open stare. He smiled sheepishly and shoveled some distasteful food in his mouth. Coming back to himself, he asked, "You seen Bria?"

"She left the meeting at the same time I did. I assume she went back to her...your quarters." She raised her eyebrows before averting her gaze.

A sharp feeling of guilt swept through Han. Bria... He really should not be sitting here with another woman. But, really, what harm could come of it? It wasn't as if he was trying to start something with the young Princess from Alderaan. As if he would even have a chance with her...

Even if he were free to pursue anyone he wished, the girl was too young, and too refined. And a leader of the Rebellion to boot. No, it was a ridiculous notion. Still...there was no harm in looking...

"How long has this base been here?"

"Only a few weeks."

"Must've been hell getting it set up."

She sighed wearily. "I couldn't even begin to describe it."

Han nodded, searching for another topic of conversation. It wasn't everyday he chatted with royalty.

She beat him to it. "I understand you're responsible for obtaining the Death Star plans." She smiled at him suddenly, changing her face, lighting it up, making it more beautiful than he would have thought possible.

Trying to maintain his tone of casual indifference, Han answered

off-handedly, "Nah, not really. That was Bria. I just got her out of there."

"She tells the story as if you had more of a hand in it than that."

"She exaggerates." Why was he arguing? She was obviously impressed with him, why hadn't he let it go at that?

"Well, whatever role you played in it, I must thank you. You've helped save the galaxy from that atrocity of a weapon." Her eyes lowered to her plate, and Han could clearly hear the pain in her voice.

For some reason, although he was well aware of Alderaan's destruction and he knew this young woman had been heir to the late planet's throne, he hadn't truly connected the two in his mind until that moment. Momentarily humbled by the weight of her tragedy, Han covered her hand with his and, when her startled eyes rose to meet his, he said quietly and sincerely, "I'm sorry about Alderaan."

She swallowed visibly, her glacial demeanor lost now, replaced with a vulnerability that looked out of place on her beautiful face. She glanced down at his hand over hers, back up at him, then at a blank spot on the table. Her eyes closed for a split second, and when she opened them, she was again in control. "Thank you," she replied calmly, as if the mask had never slipped at all.

Han squeezed her fingers gently before allowing her to slip her hand from his. As he took another bite of the barely edible, over-spiced meat, he heard her ask, "Weren't you the commanding force at Ylesia also?"

Solo knew that he had been unsuccessful in suppressing the look of remorse which accompanied the deep feelings that passed through him whenever that incident was mentioned. He swallowed his food and answered tightly, "Yeah, that was me."

The Princess seemed oblivious to his discomfort. "How in the worlds did you manage to get a bunch of smugglers to band together like that?"

He shrugged, his eyes returning to his plate. He moved the food around with his fork, his waning appetite almost completely gone now. "Wasn't that big a deal."

He felt her eyes on him before she spoke again. "You're quite a leader, from what I hear. Have you thought about taking a formal rank in the Alliance?"

He looked up sharply, eyes hardening. "No, I haven't."

She sat up straighter, stung by the nasty edge that had suddenly popped into his voice.

_Easy,_ he told himself._ This has nothing to do with her. _Softening his tone considerably, Han added, "I don't like bein' in charge. I also don't like taking orders. And I _hate_ uniforms." He offered her a small, contrite smile.

A loud cheer came from the other side of the room, causing them to look reflexively in that direction. One man stood at the center of a group, receiving slaps on the back and other gestures of camaraderie. Solo looked quizzically at the Princess, who smiled slightly.

"Today is Wedge Antilles' Birth Right. He's Corellian. You're Corellian also, right?"

"Yep. How'd ya know? The dashing good looks?" He grinned devilishly.

Her eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Certainly not the modesty."

He laughed out loud at that. There was much more to this woman than met the eye. And he was thoroughly enjoying finding out just how much more.

"Were you raised on Corellia?"

How could he possibly answer such a question? Normally, he didn't discuss his past, but right now he just wanted to keep the conversation going. Still, he was not thrilled with the topic. Without looking up from his plate he responded, "Some of the time." She seemed to sense his discomfort, returning to her food and dropping the subject. Han forced himself to eat more of the sorry excuse for food that was on his plate, then asked, "So when's your Birth Right, Princess?"

She sighed shakily and Han realized that the question must have brought to mind the loss she had suffered. "One month from tomorrow, actually." Her gaze was unwavering, despite her obvious pain. "When is yours, Captain?"

Without thinking, Han said, "Don't know." It had flown from his mouth unbiddenly. Why had he been honest? He wanted to kick himself in the ass for making such an admission. He kept his eyes on his food, which was almost gone now. He realized with dismay that soon he would have no more excuse for her company.

"You don't know?" Her brow narrowed in confusion.

He looked up at her, forcing the mercenary timbre to his voice. Callously, he answered, "Yeah. I dunno. The Wookiee who raised me picked a date for me, but I don't know what my real Birth Right is." He had never told this to anyone before, not even Chewie. What the hell was wrong with him?

For a moment there was pity in her eyes, a sight that was simply too much for Han to bare. Mercifully, her expression turned to one of curiosity.

"Your Wookiee companion raised you?"

"No, not him. A female Wookiee. Her name was Dewlanna."

She nodded, the beginnings of a smile forming. "And how did that come about?"

He squirmed in his seat. "It's a long story," he mumbled.

"You have something better to do?"

He saw a teasing glint in her eyes and suppressed a sigh. She truly was captivating. He loved to watch her when the coldness on her eyes warmed a bit. But the nagging guilt was back, calling him away. "Yeah, actually I do. I better go find Bria." He stood hastily, taking his tray and tossing it into the recycler. It was just as well. He had no desire to be further prodded about his past.

She stayed where she was, her expression dispassionate now. "Well, good evening, Captain."

He stood there for a moment, saying nothing, suddenly regretting his decision to leave. The ludicrousness of remaining finally got him moving. "Night, Princess." He turned and left the mess, resisting the urge to look back.


	2. Chapter 2: The History of Leia

Thanks for reading :) Trying to edit and post this fairly quickly.

Princess Leia Organa swept through the corridor on her way to her quarters, unable to get the conversation with the Corellian pilot out of her mind. He seemed nice enough, beneath that hard, smug exterior. Of course, the way he had let her know that he was the Tharen woman's consort had been crude and inappropriate. But she supposed she could forgive that little lapse in propriety.

That thought almost caused her to laugh aloud. _Propriety._ She knew of Solo's reputation. He might be serving the Rebels at the moment, but he was undoubtedly a mercenary at heart. He had made it clear that he didn't wish to officially join the Rebel Alliance. She wondered at his motivation for helping for as long as he had. Was he with the Rebellion strictly for Bria?

_Stop it, Leia,_ she scolded herself. _He may be handsome, but he's taken. And you would never be seriously interested in someone like him anyway._

Not that she was _seriously_ interested in anyone.

Her thoughts wandered to Wesley Tobin. Sometimes it amazed her that she had let him as close to her as she had. The former Imperial Lieutenant had always been devastatingly handsome. Leia had thought so from the first time they had met at Imperial Center on Coruscant. He came from a wealthy family on Commenor, and so was accustomed to a life of luxury, just as Leia had been, before she had been forced underground. They had been good friends, and Wesley had always wanted more. Before the destruction of Alderaan...

The familiar pain gripped her again, as it always did when she thought of her home world. The dull throb permeated her soul, which was why she tried so hard to focus on anything but her loss.

She closed her eyes and slowed her gait, trying to bring her emotions under control. She couldn't allow anyone to see her private agony, not even Wesley. While still a member of the Senate, she had maintained her distance from Wesley, claiming her dedication to politics as an excuse. They had managed a warm friendship, but his intentions were always crystal clear.

After Alderaan's destruction...

She opened her eyes again, her shaky rigidity restored. Wesley had defected from the Empire, searching for and finding her cell of the Alliance. With Leia's recommendation, he was instantly given the high rank of Major.

She wasn't sure if his main concern had been the Alliance or her. She remembered that first week after Wesley had arrived. She had been plodding along, barely holding herself together, not allowing anyone close enough to see how badly she was affected. She sought out the distraction of endless work, and the only friendship she had, Luke Skywalker. Somehow, through everything they had been through together, they had formed a quick bond, which Leia held onto tightly. She had no one else.

And then Wesley arrived. The only person remaining from a distant, broken past. He swept into her life without warning, bringing a strange sort of comfort with him. The one remnant of her past, he was like an old blanket.

_Leia fell into her bed, spent and distraught. Thoughts of Alderaan haunted her today, more ruthlessly than usual. It had been a standard month now, and she was no closer to sanity than she had been when it first happened. During the day, distractions were easy. There was no shortage of work to be done and Leia drove herself endless, often working double and triple shifts. But eventually, when she was swaying on her feet, she was forced to retire to her quarters. And there, with nothing else to hold her attention, Leia was hit with a fresh wave of sorrow that reminded her that she was far from over the tragedy._

Why should I be? _she asked herself._ I have nothing left, nothing to fight for.

_But she was still fighting. What else could she do? She couldn't allow the Empire's reign of terror to claim another planet full of innocent lives. _

_The tears came then, burning her eyes with the vision of the explosion that had claimed Alderaan and completely changed who she was._

_The door chimed, and Leia considered ignoring it, until she heard Wesley's voice come through with a strength she had been lacking for so long now._

_"Leia? Leia, are you in there?"_

_She lay there quietly, trying to catch her breath._

_His voice assaulted her ears again, forcing her to pay attention. "Leia, if you're in there, please let me in? Please."_

_She stood and went to the door, swiping a hand across her face to remove the evidence of her vulnerability. When the door slid open, Wesley entered her small room, took one look at her and enfolded her within his strong arms, whispering soft words of comfort._

_And she allowed it. For once, and only once, she allowed herself to be weak in the presence of another. Perhaps it was their friendship; perhaps it was the fact that he was a link to her past. Whatever the reason, she allowed him to hold her, stroke her hair, soothe her shoulders. _

_And when he kissed her, caressed her in a way that was beyond friendship, Leia allowed that too. It just felt so good to be touched, held, to let go her icy demeanor with one person. She found herself responding. _

Since that night, they had shared a passionate relationship. In the beginning, Wesley had professed his love for her, telling her that he had loved her all along, had only been waiting for her to be ready. Leia found she could not return his declaration. She cared for him, truly she did. But love...she wasn't sure she was capable of it anymore. Perhaps her cold demeanor was not completely a facade.

After a time, Wesley had stopped telling her he loved her, thank the Force. She assumed he had held onto the hope of his words being returned, but when he realized it was not going to happen, he must have tried to maintain his dignity.

It was easier to be with Wesley than to not be. She received from him the affection and warmth that she could not have sought out otherwise. If they hadn't shared that first night together, she imagined she would never have let anyone close to her.

The only other people she allowed in her life were Luke and General Rieekan. Rieekan, as an old family friend, could hardly be dismissed. And Luke...somehow, Luke understood her in a way that stunned her. He almost seemed to know what she was thinking at times. It was somewhat frightening, thinking that someone might see inside her head like that. If it was the Force, or simply coincidence, she couldn't say. But he was someone she needed in her life. She knew that. Still, like everyone else, even Wesley, she kept him at arms' length to a degree. She couldn't bring herself to truly open up to anyone. She knew that Wesley was endlessly frustrated by this, but she couldn't help it, it was who she had become. Wesley could share her bed, he could share her life, but he could never truly be allowed to see her soul.

Arriving at her quarters, Leia decided to stop thinking about the shortcomings in her relationships. She entered her access code and the door slid open, showing her that Wesley was not there. She sighed, relieved. She wasn't in the mood tonight to play the role that everything was alright. She just wanted to be alone, to be herself. Regardless of how bitter and depressing that might be.


	3. Chapter 3: Friends and Feuds

Thank you for reading! Here's the next part I edited.

The door opened before Han and he strode through the doorway, seeing Bria at the tiny desk across from the small, standard issue bed. She seemed engrossed in whatever was on the datapad before her, and had not looked up as Han entered. Quietly, Han made his way behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and bringing his cheek to hers. She startled slightly, then leaned into his embrace.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked in a low, seductive voice.

"I've been given an assignment already. I was just going over the details."

"Hmmm...how 'bout going over some details with me?" He moved his head to her neck, placing warm kisses just below her ear.

She sighed softly, smiling. "Well, I have a mission here for you too." Her voice was slightly breathless. "You may want to take a look at it." She placed her hand in his hair, pulling his head closer.

He pulled back just enough to look at her. "Honey, I can't think of anything I'd like to do less." And with that, he turned her chair to face him, bringing his mouth to hers in a searing kiss, his lips opening hers skillfully. Her hands wound themselves around his neck as he picked her up and carried her to the bed. As he lowered her to the mattress, a certain young woman from Alderaan crept into his thoughts, clouding his mind with guilt. He pushed it aside, refocusing on the woman beneath him.

"I love you, Han," she whispered.

Han responded by kissing her more deeply. He supposed he didn't express his feelings for Bria as often as he should. When he was truthful to himself, he realized it was almost a way of punishing her for hurts of the past. Or perhaps he simply was uncomfortable trusting her with his feelings as completely as he once had.

He felt the excitement rising within him, and the thoughts of his feelings were lost to the pleasure of their bodies.

"...and then I just slipped past them and took off in their speeder." Han laughed in memory. "I don't think they ever knew what hit 'em."

Luke Skywalker laughed along with the Corellian smuggler, his eyes twinkling in genuine amusement. Han leaned back in his seat at the Falcon's holochess table. They were on their way back to Toriddos, after a successful mission to Arcticuna. They had procured a huge shipment of weapons that was originally slated for the Empire. It had been a _very_ satisfying mission.

This was his third mission with young Skywalker in as many months. Solo had never known anyone like Luke. He was so enthusiastic, so idealistic, so full of...innocence. They were hardly suited for each other, but for some reason, the younger man embraced Han's friendship whole-heartedly. He seemed to trust Solo without question. So, Han found himself in the strange position of being confronted with yet another friend. The two men, along with Chewbacca, spent many long nights sharing a bottle of Corellian whisky, playing sabaac and swapping stories.

Occasionally they were joined by Princess Leia. It was painfully obvious that Luke had a blaring crush on the Princess. Han used it to his advantage, inviting her to spend time with them, telling both Luke and Chewie that he was doing it for his friend's benefit. Luke never questioned Han, but Chewie often favored his captain with a wry smile.

No one, including Leia, ever asked why Bria never joined them. Most of the time he spent with his friends, Bria was either away on a mission or taking care of some official business on the base. Leia was often involved in that same business, which was why she was not around as much as Han might have liked.

Every once in a while, Han felt a bit guilty towards Luke. Not that he was trying to start anything with the Princess. After all, he was with Bria. But he knew that his motives for including her in their plans had more to do with himself than with his young friend. But he just shrugged it off, knowing there was no harm to it. Realistically, neither of them had a shot with her...she was with Major Tobin. That was another thing he and Luke shared...they both had a strong dislike for Tobin.

Not that he wasn't a nice guy. He was just wrong for Leia. He and Luke both recognized that. Of course, Luke's feelings stemmed from jealousy. Han, on the other hand, merely saw that their relationship seemed to lack passion. He saw the way Leia looked at him. When she smiled, the smile didn't reach her eyes.

Okay, maybe he felt a _twinge _of jealousy. But it was different.

"How come you don't take a formal rank, Han?" Luke asked suddenly.

Solo picked up his glass of Corellian whisky and took a long sip. When he returned it to the table, he shrugged. "I dunno. I don't see making this my life's work, I guess."

"What about Bria?"

"What about her?" Han asked, annoyed.

"Well, she certainly lives for the Rebellion."

Han sniffed disdainfully. "Yeah, most of you suckers do." Then he grinned to show Luke he was teasing.

Luke shook his head, smiling at Solo's inability to take anything seriously. "So why _are_ you with the Alliance? If you don't believe in the cause..."

"I never said I don't believe in it," Han responded quickly. "I just don't want to dedicate the rest of my life to it, that's all." He wished the kid would just shut up already. Han reached for the bottle of whisky and filled Luke's glass to the top, hoping he would start drinking and stop talking. Luke raised the glass to his mouth, took a deep swallow, then unfortunately returned to his train of thought.

"So, you won't be staying? You'll be leaving at some point, huh?"

"I don't know." Han glowered. "I haven't really thought about it much. I suppose...yeah, I suppose I'll leave. Eventually."

"And what about Bria?" Luke asked thoughtfully.

Han grimaced. What about Bria, indeed? Solo didn't normally think past today, much less that far ahead into the future.

Before Han could answer, Luke continued. "You'd make a great officer, Han." He smiled encouragingly.

Han laughed, glad for the slight shift in topic. "Been there, done that."

"Huh?"

Han sighed, resigning himself to revealing the tiniest bit of his past. "I was an officer in the Imperial Navy. A long time ago."

Luke just gaped.

Han laughed at his friend's expression. "I know, hard to believe, huh?"

Luke recovered quickly. "No...no, not _that_ hard to believe. I mean, you had to learn how to fly the way you do _somewhere._"

"Hey, I taught myself to fly. Didn't need no Imps for that."

Luke grinned. "Of course," he agreed. He took another sip from his glass, then looked at Han thoughtfully. "So, why'd you leave the Navy?"

Han stared into the depths of his glass. "I got court martialed, actually."

"Bad behavior?" Luke could just imagine.

"Insubordination and attacking a superior officer." He gulped down some whisky.

Luke stared in surprise. "Why?" He knew Han had lived life on the fringe, but this surprised him.

Han sighed tiredly. "There was this group of Wookiee slaves. I got too involved with one of 'em."

Luke's gaze swiveled slowly from Han to the direction of Chewbacca's cabin, where the shaggy Wookiee had retired an hour ago. "So that's why..."

"He owes me a life debt," Han explained. "You have no idea how powerful a thing that turns out to be. I didn't imagine what I was getting myself into."

"Wow. That's a pretty amazing story."

"Yeah." Han wasn't sure why he'd told him. The only one who knew the whole story was Bria. To change the topic, Han threw in a sure distraction.

"When we hit Toriddos tomorrow, the Princess should be there." He grinned at Luke.

Luke actually blushed faintly and averted his gaze. "I know. She was due back from her mission two days ago."

Han reached over and patted Luke on the shoulder. "We'll have to get her to spend some time with us." Luke always felt too transparent to invite the Princess to join them, so the task fell to Han, who had no trouble at all. "Whaddaya think? Sabaac again?"

"You don't think she's getting sick of playing sabaac?" Luke asked dubiously.

Han shrugged. "There's not a whole hell of a lot else to do. You got any better ideas?"

"Dejarik?"

"You know I hate Dejarik."

Luke sighed. "Well, I don't know then."

Han's face lit up suddenly. "Wait, I've got an idea."

"What?"

He grinned at his young friend. "You'll see. It'll be fun. Trust me."

Luke's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "I've heard that before."

Han picked up his glass and aimed the contents threateningly at Luke, who simply laughed.

At the entrance to the command center, Solo paused, his eyes scanning the room. The command center was made up of a multitude of terminals, scopes and sensors. At each station was a chair, most of them occupied. His gaze settled on a young woman, intent on the sensor readout in front of her. Suppressing a goofy grin, Han made his way past the officers to stand behind her.

He leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "Miss me?"

To her credit, the Princess didn't even flinch. "Of course, I missed you, Luke." As she turned to face him, she forced her crooked smile to a look of mock surprise. "Oh, _Han, _I didn't realize that was you."

He crossed his arms, going along with her game. "And here I thought it was me who filled your thoughts."

She smiled, causing something inside him to twinge longingly. "Don't you wish," she muttered.

Han laughed and dropped his arms to his sides. As usual, she looked beautiful, even in her tan tunic with her hair pulled into a severe bun at the nape of her neck. "Well, I'm sure the kid'll be happy to hear I'm not the one who warms your heart."

Leia flushed a light pink at that comment. She knew Luke had a massive crush on her, and Han never failed to tease her about it.

Han didn't miss a beat, intent on his purpose. "So, what're you doing later?"

She shrugged. "What does later mean?"

"You've gotta make things difficult, don'tya?" He grinned. He knew he was flirting with her out in the open now, but he didn't care. It was harmless.

"Difficult?" She was suppressing a smirk. "You haven't seen difficult yet, Solo."

He fixed her with an intense, pointed look. "I haven't? Are you going to be the one to show it to me?"

"Perhaps. If you don't behave."

"What else will you show me, Your Worshipfulness?" he whispered in a low, throaty growl.

Her face flushed even darker now, and she turned her gaze to the floor as a technician came upon them, adjusted a reading nearby, then left. She met his heated gaze steadily. "I'm sure you've seen it all, flyboy."

He could almost see a sliver of shyness through her discomfort. "I bet there are a few things you could show me." He leaned closer to her.

She coughed delicately and pushed him away, her hands against his chest sending a warm flush through him. She looked around, seeming to remember where they were, then composed herself into a more professional demeanor. "So, what were you inviting me to?"

"That's a surprise. Just be at the Falcon at eleven hundred hours."

"You're awful sure of yourself. I didn't say I'd be there." She had lowered her voice so that only he could hear her, and Han wondered what she felt she had to hide.

Han just grinned. "You will be." He winked, spun around and swaggered out of the command center, passing Tobin at the entrance. Han tossed him something that was almost a smile.

Leia saw Wesley enter the command center, and her gaze was drawn from the cocky Corellian to the man she knew was about to give her a hard time. As he brushed past Han, Leia couldn't help but notice the glare he aimed at him. Fortunately, Han seemed oblivious to the hostility.

He walked up to her, avoiding her eyes, staring instead at the sensor display. Without looking at her, he commented, "Still slumming, eh?"

She heard the nasty edge in his voice and was not in the mood for it. "Stop it, Wes."

He sighed with disgust. "I just don't understand why you'd want to hang out with a guttervrelt like Solo. He's a professional criminal."

"We're all criminals," she reminded him. At the moment, Solo's company seemed infinitely preferable to Wesley's.

Wesley's lips pressed together. "Whatever," he muttered.

"When did you become so judgmental?" She leaned over the sensor display, keeping her voice low. She was beginning to get angry now, a familiar feeling whenever they discussed her taste in friends.

"When did you become so interested in life on the fringe?" he countered.

The anger was boiling inside her now, she could feel it bubbling beneath her cool exterior. She wasn't sure what infuriated her more, his possessiveness or his insults to Han. She looked at his brown eyes, normally so filled with tenderness, now only dark with anger. She met his glare. "When did it become any of _your_ business?"

"I'm not supposed to worry about you?" he hissed.

"What is there to worry about? What do you think Solo's going to do to me?"

He looked away, expression pinched. He remained silent for a moment before finally responding. "Maybe I'm worried about what _you're_ going to do with Solo."

Leia felt the crimson rush that exploded across her face, inflaming her anger. "I don't appreciate your implications, " she said in a crisp tone.

He had the decency to look embarrassed. "Leia, I'm-"

"Don't," she cut him off harshly. "Don't say another word." She spun on her heel and stormed from the command center.


	4. Chapter 4: Intensity

Edit: I don't know how that happened. Hopefully it's ok now.

Leia approached the Millennium Falcon, her earlier conversation with Wesley fresh in her mind. _Guttervrelt. Who does he think he is, telling me who I can spend time with? And implying..._

How dare he imply that something was going to_ happen_ between herself and Han. For one, Han certainly wasn't her type. And two, he was with Bria Tharen. Okay, he was handsome, very handsome. But so was Wesley, in a more classic way.

What was wrong with being friends with the man? Although Wesley and Luke were not friends, the older man was not overcritical of her friendship with him. Why did he have such a problem with Han? Because he was a smuggler? Certainly, Han could be hard-headed, argumentative and cocky as all hell. But there was more to him than that, she could sense it almost from the first moment she met him. He could also be understanding, funny and unexpectedly thoughtful. If nothing else, he took her mind off her misery. She almost never thought of Alderaan when she was with him. Whether he was relentlessly teasing her or telling her one of his endless stories of outwitting authorities, bounty hunters, and other shady characters, Han managed to distract her from dark thoughts and make her laugh.

Perhaps Wesley reminded her too much of her past. She often thought of Alderaan while in his company. Of course, that wasn't his fault, she thought, that familiar, dreaded pang wrenching her heart again. She took a deep breath and continued her trek across the hangar. The ramp was lowered, a sign that they were waiting for her. She ascended, calling out to the three friends inside.

"We're here!" She heard Han bellow. "Come on up!"

Smiling in spite of herself, Leia found them in the main hold, sitting around the holochess table, the sabaac cards and a bottle of Corellian brandy on the tabletop.

They all smiled at her, making her feel at home, cared for and loved, somehow. She wasn't certain why such a feeling enveloped her at the sight of Han, Luke and Chewbacca, it simply did. It made her feel vulnerable, but strangely safe at the same time.

She grimaced. "Sabaac? Again?" She groaned aloud.

Han stood suddenly, arms raised defensively. "No, no," he said quickly. "I've got a new game for you, Sweetheart." He grinned, that cocky, crooked grin that always told her he was up to some sort of mischief.

She eyed him suspiciously. "What kind of game?" She walked closer to the table but did not sit down yet, deciding to make him sweat, thinking she might refuse.

"It's a pretty simple game. Here, have a seat." He gestured for her to sit on the acceleration couch, next to Luke. She raised a dubious eyebrow at him, then sat down carefully, smiling warmly at Luke before returning a suspicious gaze to Solo. He dropped down to sit on her other side, grabbing a glass and filling it almost to the top with brandy. He placed it on the game table before her.

She looked at the generous portion in her glass. "You don't actually expect me to drink all that, do you?"

He shrugged. "It's your choice." He began dealing cards to each of them, causing Chewie to bark shortly.

"All right, all right," Han sighed. He turned to Luke and Leia. "Okay, these are the rules: You leave your cards face down, and don't look at them!" He slapped Luke's hand away, as he was about to do just that. Luke turned an amused look on the Princess, who smiled back. "At each turn you pick a card at random. If it's a negative card, you have to take a drink. If it's a positive card, you get to ask a question of anyone in the group, and they _have_ to answer." He leaned back, satisfied. "Got it?"

"You want to play a silly drinking game?" Leia asked incredulously.

Luke chimed in. "Don't you think we're a little old for that?"

Annoyed, Han stood. "Well, what then? You wanna play sabaac again?" He looked at each of them in turn. "Fine! I tried to come up with something different, no one appreciates that though." He began gathering the cards, until Chewie's howling protest and Leia's hand on his arm stopped him.

"All right, Han. Let's play." She squeezed his arm gently before returning her hand to the tabletop.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

She nodded with false enthusiasm. Han looked at Luke, who smiled encouragingly. Chewie growled his agreement.

"Okay," Han sniffed. As he sat back down next to Leia, she caught the tiniest smirk of satisfaction in his expression, causing her to wonder at his sincerity. Her eyes were drawn to his strong hands as they dealt the cards again.

He grinned when the cards were distributed. "Ladies first." He gestured to Leia.

With a look of apprehension, she picked up a card. _Negative. Damn._ With a long-suffering sigh, she took a tiny sip of her brandy, wincing at the unpleasant sensation burning a fiery path down her throat.

"You call that a drink?" Han put his face too close to hers, his expression expectant.

Leia matched his look with an inborn stubbornness. "That's the best you're going to get, flyboy."

He turned his face away, shaking his head sadly. "I didn't realize I was playing with a bunch of children."

"Luke's turn," Leia said quickly.

Luke smiled sheepishly, taking a card from his pile and turning it over. Negative. He grimaced and took a big gulp from his glass, just to satisfy Solo. He tried to maintain his cool, but could not help the shudder that passed through him at the strong taste of the brandy.

"Well, all right!" Han enthused. "At least _someone_ knows how to drink like a man." He looked pointedly at the Princess.

She raised a brow in his direction. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm _not _a man."

His eyes roved over her body and he wiggled his eyebrows. "Hmmm…I hadn't noticed that." His eyes snapped to Luke. "Did you notice that?"

Luke blushed as he stammered, "Um, yeah...I-"

Han and Chewie laughed loudly, cutting off Luke's awkward reply. This was going to be a long night...

Han shook his head, watching Luke with amusement. The kid'd had way too much to drink. Leia had also, she just handled it better. He nudged Leia gently.

"Your turn, Princess." He had to admit he was feeling no pain.

Leia chose a card, turned it over and grinned triumphantly. Positive. "Solo," she declared, turning towards him. She looked at him thoughtfully, deciding what to ask. She had already gotten his time as an Imperial out of him, much to his chagrin, and his history with Chewie. Han hoped fervently that she would not bring up his childhood.

With a wicked gleam in her eye, she asked, "Are you in love with Bria?"

_Huh?_ He wasn't sure if _that _question was better or worse than what he had feared. He looked at her, eyes narrowing. Chewie guffawed from the other end of the table, slapping his hand on the tabletop over and over, showing Han that he too had drank too much.

He looked at Luke for support, only to find that the kid's expression had sobered somewhat. Han wondered what _that_ was all about. Finally, Han's eyes rested on the Princess. "That's too personal."

She grinned. "Oh, so suddenly you don't like the question and you're changing the rules? I don't think so, Han."

Chewie only howled harder, and Han reached over, smacking him up the side of his shaggy head. The Wookiee stood up, roared mock menacingly, and picked Solo up bodily, holding him over his head with a triumphant howl.

"Put me down, you furry lunatic! What the hell's the matter with you?"

Now Luke and Leia joined in his laughter, the former's good humor restored as he nearly fell from his seat.

"Chewie, put me down! Right now!"

Weak with laughter, Chewie plopped Han down on the floor, sinking back into his seat and holding his side. The three amused companions took deep breaths, recovering from their gales of amusement.

Han shot Chewie a dirty look and began to scoop up the cards.

"Hey!" Leia protested. "You never answered my question!"

He grinned at her. "Sorry, Sweetheart, game called on account of a crazy Wookiee."

Chewie sat back with a toothy grin, placing his hands behind his head. Luke leaned close to Leia, whispering conspiratorially. "They planned that, wouldn't you know it?"

"Hmph...I think you're right." She cast a suspicious glance at Chewie, then Han. They both smiled back.

"Well," Luke said. "I guess that's it for tonight." He stood up, but stumbled suddenly.

Han laughed and rolled his eyes. "Chewie, get Luke back to his quarters."

"I'm okay."

"I'll feel better if Chewie takes you."

Luke sighed as Chewie stood up and walked towards him, arms poised to lift him as he had Han. Luke took a step back and said quickly, "I can walk, okay?"

Chewie laughed again, and made a quick, dashing movement towards Luke causing the young man to jump involuntarily. They all laughed again, Chewie most of all, causing Luke to glare at each of his companions in turn. Then he turned to Leia. "Goodnight, Leia," he said shyly.

"Goodnight, Luke." She smiled softly

. "See ya, Han," he said more gruffly to the Corellian.

Han nodded and watched his two friends go. He turned to Leia as she stood and faced him

"I should go also."

He nodded, his eyes taking in the few wisps of hair that had escaped her bun to dance softly at the back of her neck. He had the craziest urge to brush his hand against them. "I'll walk you back."

She laughed softly. He _loved_ the sound of her laughter. "That's okay, I'm fine. I don't need an escort."

"Well, maybe I need a walk to clear my head," he countered gently.

"I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl."

"I can see that." His eyes never left hers, and he felt something spark unexpectedly, yet undeniably, between them. An electric feeling ran down his spine, quickening his pulse. Did she feel it too?

For the tiniest moment, there was a vulnerability in her eyes. Then she recovered, turning away from him slightly. "Fine. Let's go."

Without a word, Han took her hand and led her from the Falcon.

Leia walked down the corridor beside Han. When they had gotten outside the Falcon, he had dropped her hand from his, making her feel surprisingly disappointed. But of course, he wouldn't hold her hand in public, he was with Bria, and she was with Wesley. It made perfect sense. So why did she find herself wanting to take his hand in hers again? _Must be the brandy, _she thought ruefully. She had to admit she felt a little lightheaded.

The silence between them was disconcerting. "Mon Mothma will be visiting next week," she said, just to say something.

From the corner of her eye, she saw him glance in her direction. "Yeah?" He was silent a moment. "Bria will be thrilled."

She thought she detected some disdain in his voice, but wasn't quite sure. "I can imagine." She paused. "She'll be back the day after tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah." For some reason, Han always felt uncomfortable discussing Bria with Leia.

The silence returned, and Leia could not recall ever feeling so uncomfortable in Han's presence before. Normally, she felt a sense of quiet contentment, a security that she seemed unable to find elsewhere. At the moment, however, there was an uneasy swirling in her stomach that she could not quite identify.

Finally, they reached the door to her quarters, and Han leaned against the wall, looking at her strangely. She looked back at him, wishing the sudden, new tension would leave them. As they stared at each other, a furious warmth spread through her, and she could feel the flush on her face. Eyes locked on his, Leia noticed, not for the first time, how beautiful his dark, hazel eyes were. She watched as he opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. The action drew her eyes to his lips, causing her to wonder how they might feel against hers. Were they as soft as they looked?

Shaking her thoughts from this insanity, Leia averted her eyes, embarrassed. What was she thinking? This was crazy...

"Well, goodnight, Princess," Han whispered softly. Her eyes hesitantly returned to his as he leaned close to her.

_Oh Gods, he's going to kiss me._ An intense fear built up inside her as he drew closer. She could feel her defenses rising, the threat of this intimacy, with this man, far too much for her sudden, fragile state. As his lips went to softly kiss her forehead, relief flooded her, mingled with a sharp sense of longing and disappointment. At the contact of his lips, her eyes closed, almost without her realizing it, and she drew a sharp whisper of a breath. The warmth of his lips, the feeling of his breath on her skin, was overwhelming.

When he withdrew, Leia felt an unexplainable urge to cry. Her hands were shaking, and she drew them behind her back so he would not see. The spot on her forehead where his lips had touched was still warm from the caress. She couldn't speak.

He never smiled when, after an eternity, he turned from her and ambled down the corridor. That serious, earnest expression lingered in her mind long after he was gone.

With a deep, shaky breath, Leia entered her quarters and found Wesley sitting on her bed, shirtless, with one arm behind his head. _No_. She didn't think she could deal with him right now.

In a flash, he was before her, eyes pleading. "I'm sorry, Leia," he whispered in a tortured voice.

It was too much for her. She felt like she was falling apart. His arms went around her, pulling her close, making her wonder what was real.

"Shh, don't cry, I'm so sorry."

She let him hold her once again, allowing him to believe what he wanted about her, knowing that truly, he didn't know her at all.


	5. Chapter 5: Desire and Other Heartache

Still having format issues. Let's try this again:

"I'm so excited," Bria gushed.

"I know," Han sighed, straightening his jacket uncomfortably. He had allowed Bria to press it for him, and now regretted it. The lines were too straight. The collar was digging into his throat. But he looked "unbelievably handsome", according to Bria. _The things I do for love,_ he thought with a sigh.

Mon Mothma, the leader of the Rebel Alliance, was going to put in her first appearance at a formal party held in her honor. The word was that she would arrive at the base during the party and be brought directly there. It was thought to be a morale booster, although Han didn't truly understand why. Of course, it had boosted Bria's morale, not that she needed any help in that area. After she had returned from her last successful mission, she had been brimming with enthusiasm for the Rebellion.

He looked at her now. She looked amazing in a tight-fitting, red dress, that left most of her back exposed. He went behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. "That dress looks great on you," he whispered in a deep, gravelly voice.

She turned in his arms and smiled at him brilliantly. "You're looking mighty good yourself." She kissed him, pressing the entire length of her body against his. When his hands slid down her back, continuing to trail downwards, Bria pulled away from his insistent mouth, staying his hands with hers.

Undeterred, Han moved his lips to her neck, wrestling his hands from her grip and bringing them up to firmly grasp her shoulders.

"Han, we have to go to the party..."

"Don't worry, we will." For just a second, Han felt her melt against him, then she pulled away, placing her hands on his chest. "Han, I'm sorry. But I can't miss Mon Mothma's arrival."

He sighed in frustration, closing his eyes.

"Later, I promise." She nuzzled his neck and whispered pleadingly. "Please understand, love?"

"Yeah, ok." He tried not to sound disappointed, but knew he couldn't hide it.

She smiled at him, grateful for his understanding. "I love you."

"Yeah, me too." He held her close, smelled her sweet perfume and stroked her back lovingly. At least he had something to look forward to after the godsforsaken party.

With loud, instrumental accompaniment, Mon Mothma came to the center stage, before the amateur band, and the crowd clapped and cheered with unbridled zeal. Han joined in, a bit less enthusiastically than most.

Mon Mothma was a middle-aged woman, still beautiful in a stately, graceful manner. She began a speech, her voice soft, melodic and inspiring.

The large room, which normally served as the mess area, had been decorated with what sparse adornments they could find. It was less than celebratory, but the revelers hardly seemed to notice.

Tuning out Mon Mothma's speech, Han searched the room for Leia. Ever since the night they had played that dumb drinking game, she had been avoiding him. And with Bria back, he hadn't had much time to seek her out. The one time he happened to come upon her in the command center, she had made some pathetic excuse and fled the room. He wasn't sure what she was thinking. He remembered that feeling between them at her door, that overwhelming surge that had swept through him. Had she felt it? There had been something there, in the endless depths of her eyes. He just wasn't sure what. Had it frightened her? It wasn't as if he was going to do anything about it, she had nothing to be scared of.

He glanced at Bria, that ever-present guilt creeping into his mind again. If he were free...

Yes, he supposed he would pursue her. Then again, maybe not. After all, what could he expect to share with a woman like her? Eventually, their differences would come between them, and he would lose her. He didn't want to lose the friendship they had established. So, he figured he needed to repair any damage, as soon as possible.

_There she is._ His eyes found her, locking on her like a beacon in a maelstrom of confusion. Of course, Wesley stood beside her, guarding her like a ren'nat would guard its cub. She looked stunning, breathtaking, just as he had always imagined she would in a gown like the one she was wearing. The dress was long and white, flowing to her ankles, with long sleeves that ended with a golden edge. Her hair was piled on top of her head in soft curls that dropped just above her ears.

She took his breath away...completely. When he remembered to breathe, he just watched her, the delicate curve of her neck, the flawless perfection of her skin. The curve of her lips...

Suddenly, her gaze met his and there it was again, that sharp, almost painful feeling in his chest, that threatened to steal every coherent thought. The feeling lingered, even as she looked away, brow drawn down with a frown. Her eyes settled on Mon Mothma again, who was just wrapping up her speech.

Han found his heart pounding as the Rebellion's leader descended from the makeshift stage, to be inundated by overzealous rebels, Bria included. She walked away from him without a backward glance.

Well, hell, why should he be any more considerate? He looked to Leia, found that she was hanging back and Tobin was no longer at her side. As the band started to play a slow jizz song, Han made his way to her side.

She didn't look up as he came behind her and placed his mouth close to her ear.

"Care to dance, Princess?"

She startled and turned to face him. He saw heat rise to her cheeks as they made eye contact. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hi." They stood for an awkward moment before Han spoke again. "C'mon." He took her hand, leaving her no room for protest, and led her to the area that had been deemed the dance floor. She looked at her feet, her expression a portrait of resignation, as he placed one arm loosely around her and led them through some familiar dance steps. He was careful to keep a hand's space between their bodies, realizing that he needed to dampen this attraction, before it got him into serious trouble.

Her eyes remained in the vicinity of his chest and she said nothing. Han had never seen her so silent.

"Okay, what have I done now?" he asked bluntly.

She looked up at him, confused. "What? Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"You've been avoiding me." Up close like this, she dazzled him. But he remained in control.

"No, I haven't," she answered a bit too quickly.

He raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing.

"Besides, you've been busy since Bria got back."

True. He couldn't deny that. "Yeah, maybe." He saw Tobin's eyes on them, and he spun past another couple, where he wouldn't have to worry about him. "So... everything's okay here?" He wanted to see her relax with him, the way she used to.

She let out a sudden breath, as if expelling her tension. "I've just been under a lot of pressure, that's all. I've been busy."

He nodded. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." She seemed to realize that her tone had grown sharp. "I'm sorry...I just...well, I'd rather not think about it."

"Okay. But if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

She smiled then, a genuine smile that almost touched her eyes. He smiled back, then saw Tobin striding towards them, a determined set to his jaw. "Just remember what I said," he whispered before the Major reached them.

He stood tall before them, looking down his nose at Han. "May I cut in, Captain?" he asked stiffly.

Han resisted the urge to punch him in his perfect face. "Sure," he grunted. He turned back to Leia. "I'll see ya." He walked away, a bad taste coating his mouth.

Leia allowed Wesley to take one hand in his and place the other along her back.

"What was that about?" he asked harshly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's going on between you and Solo?"

Her mouth hung open in shock. "Are you serious?" He only continued to glare at her. "There's nothing going on, he's just a friend. I've barely even seen him lately." She didn't add that it was because Wesley was effectively monopolizing her time. Or that she was afraid to be alone with Han.

Suddenly his expression changed, going from angry to sad in an instant. "Leia, what do you want me to do? I've been here for you for over a year now. What else can I do?" He dropped his voice to just above a whisper, moving his mouth to her cheek. "I've tried to be there for you. I've tried every way I know how. But you won't let me in. What will make you happy?"

He sounded so desperate that Leia found herself overcome with guilt. Yes, he had always been there for her. Did she owe him for that? Had she taken his kindness for granted? She pulled back to look at him, sighing softly. "Look, I'm sorry if I've hurt you somehow. But honestly, there's nothing between Han and me."

"I wish I could believe that." His voice was anguished.

Now she was getting angry, her voice a harsh whisper. "I don't know what you expect me to say. Do you _want_ it to be true? Do you want to hear that I have some sort of relationship with him? Would that make you happy?"

"Of course not!" He realized he had shouted and lowered his voice to a whisper, ignoring the curious glances. He bit his lip. "I just...I care for you so much, Leia. I don't understand why you insist on shutting me out."

"I'm not shutting you out."

"Yes, you are. You always do. You won't open up to me, you won't _really_ talk to me." His eyes blazed again. "Do you open up to him?Does he give you something I don't?"

She'd had more than she could stand. "That's enough." She moved from his arms, drew herself up to her most regal bearing and turned the full brunt of her anger on him. "I'm sick of your accusations. I never promised you anything. And even if I had, I have nothing to be ashamed of. Han is a friend, nothing more." Her eyes were now narrowed to slits. "At the moment, that's more than I can say for you." She turned on her heel and stalked away, leaving him to gawk at her back.

She left the party behind, wandering the corridors, intent on some peace and quiet. Thankfully, it was not hard to find, as most of the other Rebels were at the party, with only a few unlucky guards on duty.

This entire thing with Wesley was getting out of hand. What did he expect from her? She had never made him any promises; she had merely accepted what he offered. And now...she was no longer sure she wanted it. He was making things too difficult for her. He was too possessive, he expected too much. And she was simply too tired to give it to him. Why couldn't he just allow things to stay the way they were? She had been content with that.

_I don't understand why you insist on shutting me out._

The words rang in her head. Didn't he realize that she shut everyone out? She couldn't let him, or anyone else, too close. The risk was too great. She had lost so much already. How could he expect her to open herself to that kind of hurt again?

She wandered past the hangar entrance, barely realizing where she was. _It's so unfair. Why? How can one person just decide to destroy an entire planet? How can anyone be so sick...so evil?_

Surprisingly, the tears did not come. Perhaps she could no longer cry. She had shed so many tears this past year and a half, she supposed that eventually she would have to stop crying. Instead, there was an endless emptiness, deeper than ever. It ran through her heart, into her soul, down to the depths of her being. It was a vast, incessant pit of pain and loneliness that stayed with her always, never allowing her to escape it, invading even her sleep. The hopelessness threatened to draw her into its dark embrace, leaving her with nothing but apathy towards everyone and everything.

Only her hatred for the Empire got past her indifference, kept her going. It fueled her desire to keep on living.

A noise behind her caused her to stop and turn-

Brutally strong hands grabbed her from behind, instantly causing her combat instincts to surface. Her elbow came up to strike her assailant in the stomach, and Leia heard a loud grunt of pain. As she moved to grip the arm that had gone momentarily slack, she froze, the cold steel of a blade at her throat.

"Don't move!" a deep, angry voice hissed. Leia was dimly aware of hot, unpleasant breath coming fast against her cheek, the vise-like grip around her chest, pinning her arms to her sides. She felt strangely calm. Panic would surely get her killed.

"What do you want?" she asked cooly.

The rough, male voice laughed maliciously. "Your life! What do you think of that, _Princess_?" He spat out her formal title as if it were a profanity.

"Why would you want to kill me?" The longer she kept him talking, the better her chances of getting out of this alive.

"Why? _Why?_" His voice held the sound of barely controlled madness. In a sudden movement, he spun her to face him, the vibroblade never leaving her throat. He backed her against the wall, and Leia could see that there was a gleam of insanity in the older man's eyes. "Alderaan," he hissed, face contorted with rage.

The word slammed into her like an ice-cold ocean wave, knocking the breath from her, leaving her dazed.

"Weren't you the one responsible? Didn't you help press the button? Didn't you help kill all those innocent lives? For your Rebellion?"

Her mouth opened uselessly, in wordless denial. She could see only the blue of his eyes spewing fury into hers, smell only his sour breath.

"My wife and kids were on Alderaan when it was destroyed. But you're alive, you're still here. "And that's just not fair. Why do you get to live? Cause you're a Princess? I don't think so." He drew a blaster equipped with a silencer and brought it level with Leia's cheek.

A cold fear washed through her, then settled into numb recognition. _ This is it. It's over. I don't have to do this anymore. _She was ready. So be it.

The shot rang out, loud in spite of the silencer, and Leia was surprised to feel no pain. Her eyes had closed in response to the sound, and now she found herself opening them as she felt the weight of her attacker pressed heavily against her. She was confused beyond coherent thought, wondering why it hadn't hurt, wondering what he was doing now. Too quickly for her to process, the man was dead weight against her. She pushed at him ineffectively, unable, in her shocked, confused state, to move him. With a startling speed, his weight was lifted from her trembling body, and she watched in wonder as he fell to the ground, eyes frozen in a death mask.

Her mind reeled as she watched the dark pool of blood spread from beneath him, running in a slow river past a pair of black boots that slowly seeped into her consciousness.

Her eyes travelled up the boots, to familiar pants with a blood-red stripe along the outer seams. When her eyes rested on Han's pale, stricken face, Leia crumpled. He caught her easily, gathering her into his arms and whispering words that neither of them were aware of.

"Here." Han handed Leia a cup of steaming kaffe. She was seated at the Falcon's holochess table, and Han noticed that her hands still shook. He had called security on a private comm channel, and they had quietly taken care of everything. She did not need this incident to be spread around the base. Han would keep that from happening, or die trying.

He hadn't meant to kill the guy. He had tried to aim for the shoulder, but when the man's blaster came up to Leia's face, Han had lost it. His instincts had taken over blindly, and the shot had landed at the back of his head, killing him instantly. He felt badly about it, but mostly he found himself shaken over what had almost happened to Leia. If he hadn't followed her from the party... he didn't even want to think about it.

He watched as she sipped her kaffe, face ashen. Aside from answering the questions of the security men, she hadn't said a word. He sat down next to her on the acceleration couch, drawing near to place one arm about her shoulders.

"Are you alright?" he asked, knowing what a stupid question it was.

She nodded, not looking up from her kaffe as she sipped it slowly.

The guards had asked what the man had said to her, and she had claimed that he said nothing. But Han knew that wasn't true. He had been too far away to hear the words, but Han had watched long enough, preparing to get in a shot, to know the man was saying something. Whatever it was, it had affected the Princess deeply. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

Her eyes left the cup, her surprised expression finding his grim one. "I already told security. You were there." Her voice was low and still slightly shaky.

"Yeah, but I don't think you told them the whole story."

She averted her eyes. "What makes you say that?"

"I was there long enough to know that the guy was talking to you."

Nervous eyes flew back to his.

"I couldn't hear what he said," he assured her. He saw her relax visibly and return to her kaffe. "But whatever it was, I could see it upset you. A lot. You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

Han sighed. "Don't you think you owe me an explanation?"

She turned back to him, an angry fire lighting her eyes. "I owe you? Why does everyone think that just because they do something for me, something I didn't even ask them to do, that I owe them?" Her voice, as well as her anger, was rising in the quiet of the ship.

Han lifted his hands defensively. "Whoa, easy, Your Worship, I-"

"No! Don't try to pacify me now! I don't owe you a damn thing, Solo!" She slammed her cup onto the table, the hot liquid splashing onto Han's forearm. She stood to go, striding furiously in the direction of the ramp.

"Wait!" Han called, following closely on her heels. "Leia, wait, I didn't mean-"

She turned on him, causing him to stop short. "You want to know what he said?" Her voice was low and menacing, but Han could see that she was shaking. "He blamed me for Alderaan, that's what he said. He said I deserved to die, like all the other Alderaanians." She watched for his reaction with tortured eyes, her breath coming in short, harsh gasps.

There was something here that Han was not understanding, that much was obvious. "I don't get it, why would he blame you for Alderaan?"

"Because, you idiot, I was there! I was on the Death Star when it happened." Now the tears were at the corners of her eyes, and her voice caught on the last word. A tortured sob escaped her, and when Han pulled her into his strong arms, she did not resist.

_Oh man, I can't believe it, _Han thought, feeling that now he finally understood where her underlying pain came from. His heart ached for her. He wanted to do something, to make everything right for her again, but there was nothing to be done.

"I saw it happen," she whispered. "I was there. I saw Alderaan blasted into a billion pieces. It was..." Her voice trailed off into a choked sob.

Han stroked her hair and rested his cheek on the top of her head. "Leia, I'm so sorry." He was suddenly hit with the reality of what that man had said to her. "Wait a minute...you don't think...I mean, you don't actually believe that it was your fault... do you?"

She pulled back to look at him, but stayed close in his embrace. She was calmer now, gazing at him with bitter acceptance. "Wasn't it? Surely there was something I might have done differently."

He shook his head sadly, drawing her back into his arms and stroking her back soothingly. "What happened? Tell me."

"I can't," she whispered. "I can't talk about it."

"You can tell me, Princess." He placed his lips beside her ear, his voice barely audible. "Trust me, Leia. You can tell me anything." He wanted, more than anything, to ease her pain. He didn't know how, but he thought that if she talked about it, opened up to someone, it might help her to deal with it. "Please."

She was silent in his arms for several minutes. He continued to hold her, soothing her hair and waiting patiently. He was dismayed when, eventually, she moved from him and walked back to the table to stand with her palms resting on top.

_She's not going to talk to you, Solo, face it. Hell, why should she?_

Without warning, her soft voice reached his ears, hesitant and uncertain. "I was bringing the Death Star plans to a Jedi Knight on Tatooine."

Han barely had time to wonder about this Jedi Knight. He had always thought there were no Jedi left in the galaxy. But before he could give it much thought, she continued.

"I was captured...by Darth Vader." A shudder ran through her as she breathed that name in a voice filled with stark terror. "He brought me to the Death Star. I was...tortured.

An unexpected rage filled Han, starting as a burst in his chest and quickly pounding into every nerve of his body, threatening to burst the veins at his neck. What had they done to her? He wasn't sure he wanted to know. A sudden wave of protectiveness filled him, and he moved behind her, placing his hands on her slim shoulders and realizing that she was shaking again. With his head pulled slightly to the side, he could just see the way she closed her eyes at his tender gesture. He squeezed her shoulders comfortingly.

"Then what happened?" he asked softly.

Her eyes opened again and he could see the change in her. She had steeled herself against what she was feeling, opting for stoicism rather than vulnerability. "They wanted the location of the Rebel base on Yavin IV. When they couldn't get it out of me that way, they brought that hideous weapon to Alderaan. They threatened to..." She looked down at the table. "Well, when I gave them a false location, they destroyed Alderaan anyway. It didn't matter what I said to them."

He spun her to face him, looking intently into her eyes. "That's just it. It _didn't_ matter what you said. They were going to do it anyway. There was nothing you could have done."

She nodded tiredly, her eyes downcast, needing to see this story through to the end now. "They were going to kill me then. If Luke and Dash hadn't come for me..."

Her words registered in his mind, slowly. "Dash? Dash Rendar?"

"Yes. Did you know him?"

"Did?"

"Yes...he died at the battle of Yavin."  
Han's gaze turned inward momentarily. He hadn't seen Dash in a long time. He hadn't known he was dead. He nodded distractedly. "Yeah. I knew him."

"Well...if he hadn't helped Luke out, the Death Star would still be around. He died a hero."

Han's eyes returned to her impassive face. She wasn't the same woman he was accustomed to seeing. At the moment, she looked cold and ruthless. Seeking to find the woman behind the facade, he took her face in his hands. "Don't let anyone make you feel responsible, Princess. You couldn't have changed anything."

She took a deep, shaky breath and some of the softness returned to her eyes. "I don't need anyone else to make me feel responsible, Han. I do a perfectly good job of that myself." A bitter, ironic smile embedded itself in her features. "That man didn't say anything to me that I haven't said to myself."

The ferocity with which he felt her pain surprised him. He was consumed with such a feeling of helplessness. He could do nothing for her. This was an irrational guilt she had saddled herself with; she was not going to listen to reason. "But look what you've accomplished. The Death Star is gone. That won't ever happen again. I know it won't bring Alderaan back, but you did prevent it from doing the same thing to another planet."

"Of course. But that doesn't make up for Alderaan...not really." The vulnerability was back now. Han could see it in the way she swallowed, choking back her emotions.

"Leia..." He didn't know what else to say, but that proved to be too much for her, because she closed her eyes and could not help the tears that did come now, flowing past her closed lids to stream blindly down her cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her again, as tightly as he could manage.

He had always thought of her as so strong; right now, she seemed tiny and fragile in his arms. He knew she didn't normally allow herself to be seen like this, yet she had let him in, past her barriers. He felt strangely privileged that she had entrusted him with this.

Time ceased to exist as he held her in his soothing embrace. As her tears subsided, he brought a hand to her cheek to brush away the moisture there.

She stepped away from him, clearing her throat self-consciously and wiping away the remainder of her tears with the back of her hand. "Thank you," she said simply.

He nodded, mouth quirked in a dismissive gesture. "Yeah, no problem." He jerked a thumb in the direction of the hatch. "You should probably get to bed. You look exhausted."

One side of her mouth turned up in an almost-smile. "I imagine I must look like hell."

"Nah, you look beautiful." He had meant to be flippant, but the words came out with a seriousness that startled them both. With a quiet cough that dispelled the sudden discomfort, he took her hand in his and led her to the hatch, slapping his palm against the controls that began to lower the ramp. He began to lead her down, but she held back, gripping his hand tightly.

"You don't need to walk me, I'm fine."

"I'm walking you, don't argue."

"Really, I'd rather have some time alone. I need to clear my head." The strength had returned to her voice and it was now business as usual.

He looked at her intently, uncertain if he should let her go. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. And I have nothing to be scared of now. Thanks to you." She smiled at him with gratitude in her eyes.

"Well, if you're sure..."

"I'm sure."

He couldn't believe this was the same woman who had just been a trembling mess in his arms. "Well, all right. G'night."

To his surprise and delight, she moved to hug him warmly. He tried desperately to ignore the pleasant feeling of her body pressed so completely against him, instilling in him sudden, unavoidable thoughts of what her mouth would taste like beneath his, what her body would look like lying naked before him. A strong, furious rush of desire washed through him, shocking him with its intensity.

She pulled away from him, unaware of the effect she was having on him. If she knew, she probably would have been appalled. Han forced a smile, attempting to squelch the inappropriate feelings.

"Goodnight."

He waved, not trusting his voice, and watched as she walked down the ramp, out of sight. When she was gone, he took a deep breath and ran a hand across his face, forcing himself not to think of anything but the conversation they had shared.

He glanced at the chrono, remembering suddenly how he had run out on Bria without a word. Surely, she was going to kill him. He sprinted down the ramp, closing the hatch and hurrying away from the confusing emotions that swam through his mind.


	6. Chapter 6: Nightmares and Rescues

Thanks for reading! I hope this posts correctly on the first, fingers crossed...

They hadn't yet truly begun their mission, but the mood was already somber. Several weeks ago, General Rieekan had been captured by a group of Imperials. His entire task force had been killed. But due to his importance to the Alliance and the information he might possess, the general was reportedly still alive, held in an Imperial Correction Facility that was generally reserved for political prisoners. They were now half a day away from the Moltare system, where they would hopefully rescue Rieekan from his imprisonment.

Leia had insisted upon being a part of the rescue effort. She didn't have many people left to her, and she refused to sit back and watch while she lost another. There were only two ships, the Millennium Falcon and a small Corellian Pocket ship. Both ships would not even remotely resemble rebel forces. Most of the rebels were aboard the Pocket ship. Leia, Han, Luke and Chewie were the only exceptions.

Leia sat in the galley, alone with her thoughts. It had been nine months since Han had rescued her from that man who had accused her of being responsible for Alderaan's destruction. Since then, she found her feelings for the handsome Corellian to be utterly confusing.

He meant something to her, more than she cared to admit. Moments of genuine friendship were laced with an underlying tenderness, a feeling that sometimes swept over her, frightening her deeply. She was never sure, from one moment to the next, how she felt about him, and it unnerved her.

She knew how she felt about Wesley. She cared about him, trusted him and enjoyed his company when he was not giving her a hard time about Han or something equally annoying. Wesley was a dear friend. Perhaps they had something more than friendship, but she only allowed that to go so far.

But Han...

Han touched her in an inexplicable way. He made her feel vulnerable in spite of herself. She didn't like that feeling, yet at the same time craved it, like nourishment her body required to live.

Sometimes, when he looked into her eyes, they shared a heart stopping moment that both moved and baffled her. It left her feeling an array of emotions she could not define, and did not want to deal with.

She smiled at the ludicrousness of her situation. Han was Bria Tharen's man. Leia didn't even want anything from him beyond his friendship, so why did he make her feel such conflicting emotions? She liked things simple, as they were with Wesley. She felt confident in her relationship with Wesley. There was no uncertainty, no feeling of being out of control. There was little that Leia hated as much as she hated to be out of control. Particularly with her emotions.

It didn't matter. Han was obviously in love with Bria. She had observed them together on many occasions, noting their gentle affection and trying not to feel too jealous.

Dashing her thoughts instantly, Han entered the galley and threw himself into the chair across from her, smiling his most disarming smile.

"Thinking about me?"

She rolled her eyes, suppressing a grimace at the truthfulness of his words. "Do you think every woman in the galaxy thinks about you, Han?"

"Um, yeah. Don't they?" he asked in mock confusion, brow wrinkling comically.

She had to laugh at that, causing Han's lopsided grin to return. He reached over and took her hand in his, absently stroking her fingers with his thumb. Her heart rate increased the tiniest bit, but she did not allow him to see the way his touch affected her.

Luke came in just then, causing Leia to pull her hand from Han's self-consciously.

"Hey," Luke said in a concerned voice. "Was I understanding Chewie right, cause I thought he said something about you leaving?" His words were directed at Han, and they caused a cold fear to stir in the pit of Leia's stomach. Her eyes were drawn instantly to Han's face, where she saw a grimace pass over his features.

"Well, we're not going right _now_. But at some point...well, I've got some stuff to take care of. Stuff I've let go too long." He looked at the table, the floor, anywhere but at his friends.

"What kind of stuff?"

Luke always wore his heart on his sleeve, and his dismay at this news was obvious. Leia realized how different Luke was from her, despite their close bond. He was so open, so easy to read. She was more like Han, more closed and guarded.

Han squirmed. "Just some...stuff."

Luke walked to the counter, across from the table, and pulled himself up to sit, legs dangling. "Least you can do is tell us what."

Han let out a deep sigh of resignation. "All right, all right." He looked from Luke to Leia, then back again. Leia hoped she was doing a good job of hiding her swirling emotions. "I've got this price on my head..."

"What?" She knew that fear was written across her face but could not help it.

` Han smiled at her. "You worried about me, Princess?"

Incapable of a flippant remark, she only stared at him, mouth hanging open.

Luke's voice drew Han's gaze. "Why do you have a price on your head?"

"Well, when I was smuggling..." He repositioned himself in the chair, facing slightly away from Leia. "I got boarded by Imperials." He grimaced. "So, I had to drop my shipment. I tried to go back for it later, but that was it. I couldn't find it. So now I owe Jabba the Hutt the credits for the shipment."

A Huttese crime lord? Leia had heard plenty about the Hutts. She knew they were ruthless, cruel, and had very little mercy for those who crossed them. A disquieting sense of foreboding washed through her as she stared down at the tabletop. When she looked up, she saw that Han was watching her carefully. Their eyes met and held, and she thought she saw a hint of regret in his.

"Do you have the money for him?" Luke asked, oblivious to the moment that passed between his two friends.

"Not yet." His eyes didn't leave Leia's as he answered. "I'm still working on it."

"When did this happen?"

Mercifully, Han turned from Leia to look at Luke. "Right after Ylesia."

Luke nodded and a silence descended over the group. Leia was in a state of shock, confronted not only with the news that Han would eventually leave, but that his life was in danger also. She looked at his handsome face, thankful that he did not catch her observing him. What would she do without him? She had come to rely on him in many ways. He was a good friend, possibly the best one she had ever known. They were connected, and she could not imagine existing without that connection. The idea of him leaving was devastating. But to think that he might be killed...the thought brought with it a pain so intense, so biting, she had to push it from her mind.

Luke piped up again, breaking into her thoughts. "So, you'll bring this Hutt the money and then everything will be okay...right?" They all heard the hope in Luke's voice.

Han stood up and went to the doorway, his body angled away, giving the impression that he was ready to flee. "Well, I don't know if it's that simple..." He looked at the floor, muttered something about the engines and was gone.

Leaving Leia and Luke to stare at each other in disquiet. Leia could see that Luke was almost as upset over this news as she was. They had both grown fond of Han, and both would feel the loss when he was gone.

_Gone._ The word sounded so final, so painful. It seemed impossible to think that he would not always be nearby. They had spent so much time together this past year. She had even begun to request him as her pilot when she needed one to accompany her on a mission. _Please tell me he won't leave, _she thought desperately. _I need him._

Suddenly it became too much for her. Without a word to Luke, she stood and left the galley, heading for Han's cabin, where she had taken up temporary residence. She needed to be alone. She couldn't hold herself together right now, and she wanted no one to witness her in this state.

Once in his cabin, Leia lie down on the bed, noting the way his scent still seemed to linger on the pillow. She inhaled deeply, memories of their time together flooding her, bringing tears to her eyes and causing her to wonder how this man had ever gotten past her self-imposed barriers and burrowed this deeply into her heart.

They were in. The commando team had gone before them, as a distraction. Now the main rescue party, consisting of Han, Leia, Luke, Chewie and Artoo Deetoo, had easily gained access to the facility, amidst the confusion. Although not actually in any official capacity, Han assumed command, finding a terminal and having Artoo plug himself in. The others stood cover as Han waited for Artoo to locate the data they needed.

Han's eyes scanned the data anxiously. Duty roster. Technical readouts for locking mechanisms. _Wish I had time to get a look at that, might be helpful._ As it was, they had just enough time, if even that, to find out where exactly Rieekan was being held. Continuing to watch the information that scrolled past him, Han's eyes locked on one particular bit before it was gone. _Fleet Construction._

Han's mind registered that it was a short list of the highly secret shipyards where the Empire constructed their Star Destroyers. He realized instantly that this database was connected to the main Imperial database. A list of the secret shipyards that the Rebels had been trying to find for months scrolled by. He grinned, thinking that the possibilities for sabotage were endless.

Before he could put more thought to this, Artoo beeped excitedly. Han moved closer to the little droid, examining the floor plan of the map he had called up. Satisfied with what he saw, he patted Artoo on his silver dome. "Nice work." Normally he had no patience for droids, but the little astromech had come in handy on several occasions.

He turned to the rest of his small group, ignoring the distant sound of blaster fire that could be heard. "All right, let's go." Without hesitation, they followed his lead.

"General, we're here for you," Leia whispered to the barely conscious man on the floor of the Imperial prison cell. His face was swollen and puffy, with numerous bruises and lacerations. He moaned softly, seemingly unaware of who was speaking to him. It pained her to see him so battered and helpless. She pushed aside the childhood memories that flew through her mind.

"Chewie, pick him up. And be careful," Luke instructed.

Gingerly, the giant Wookiee eased the General into his arms, cradling him protectively.

"C'mon!" Han called tensely, his head darting back out into the hallway, searching for any sign of Imperials.

They left the cell and the two dead guards behind, hoping that the commandoes were still having success with their diversion.

Han was in the lead, Leia close behind him. Chewie followed with his injured bundle, and Luke brought up the rear. Artoo rolled along a few meters past Luke, his dome rotating to allow his sensors to alert him to any immediate danger.

They rounded a corner, and unexpectedly, a lift opened right before Han, and five stormtroopers emerged, quickly snapping up their blast rifles.

"Back!" Han yelled, pushing Leia behind him and returning fire as he backed them around the corner they had just emerged from.

Blaster fire erupted around them, deafening in the narrow corridor.

Suddenly, Luke's mouth was beside Leia's ear. "We'll have to find a different way!" She nodded without looking at him and tugged on Han's arm, repeating what Luke had said. Intent on his targets, Han's body remained unmoving, wrapped around the bend, rigid with concentration.

Artoo beeped insistently, weaving in circles around Luke.

"This way!" He followed the little droid, pulling Chewie along with him. Leia grabbed Han's arm more insistently now, forcing him to respond. Slowly, he backed away from the corner, picking off one more trooper as he went. They followed in Artoo's path, Han and Leia firing shots at the Stormtroopers in pursuit.

Half a corridor away, as they passed through a brightly lit area, Artoo quickly jacked into a plug, instantly closing the unnoticed blast doors, effectively cutting off the Imperials.

The others looked at each other, grinning. "That's not a bad little droid you've got there," Han commented, causing Artoo to beep indignantly.

Chewie grunted his agreement, shifting Rieekan in his arms. Atroo beeped again, more insistently this time, trailing off down the corridor. Han looked at Luke and both men shrugged.

The underground level that Artoo brought them to led to a separate lift system that came out at the transportation garage. It had been a winding trek down to the level, but they had no followers and so far, and had remained unnoticed. As they loaded onto the lift, Han held back, grinning at his friends.

"I've got something I have to do. Go on, I'll catch up with you."

Chewie roared insistently.

"Are you crazy? We need to get out of here!" Leia's panic was evident in her voice.

Han just grinned wider. "Don't worry, Your Hignessness, we will." He hit the lift controls and the door swished shut. The last Han heard was Chewie's enraged howl, begging Solo to come back. Han knew well that if he hadn't been carrying Rieekan's limp form, Chewie would have been out the door in a shot, following his captain to ascertain his safety.

Han began to backtrack towards the last terminal he had seen. If he could just get that Fleet Construction file...

He pulled a blank datacard from his inside vest pocket, preparing himself for some quick work when he did reach the terminal. If he were able to take the time to consider his motives, Han would have realized that he was doing this more for Leia than for any other reason. This information would be quite a coup, and he knew how much it would please her. Perhaps he would even volunteer for the sabotage mission if all went well.

He had no doubt that he could pull this off. His good old Corellian luck had not let him down yet.

With the Falcon's engine's warmed and ready for take-off, the three members of the crew sat in the cockpit, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the vessel's captain. General Rieekan had been strapped onto the medical bunk and seemed to be stable. The concerned group waiting for Solo was mostly silent, each fearing the worst.

One particular member of the group was almost paralyzed with fear. Leia Organa felt as if she were going to be sick. How could he just run off like that? It was insane. Not one of them had the slightest inkling as to what he had gone back for. She couldn't imagine.

_He has to be all right, he just has to be,_ she prayed silently. This was why...this was why she tried to keep her distance, to keep from letting anyone too close. So that no one person could become this important to her.

She felt as if there was a miniature rancor in her stomach, biting and clawing at her insides, ripping her apart from the inside out. What was Han doing? What could be this important? If he didn't make it back...well, if he _did,_ she was going to kill him!

Her heart went cold at the thought of never seeing him again. She had survived the loss of Alderaan...barely. She wasn't sure she could take another loss. After Alderaan, she had put an icy wall around her heart, not allowing anyone to truly penetrate that frigid resolve...until Han. And now...if she lost him, she knew without a doubt that she would only allow herself to become further closed off, to freeze her heart from the galaxy entirely. And this time, she wasn't sure it would ever have the capacity to warm up again.

_Please, _she prayed to Gods she had given up on over a year ago. _Please bring him back safely. Don't let him be taken from me, not Han._

In the silence, she heard Chewbacca whimper softly. She wasn't certain , but she thought the comment had something to do with him having a bad feeling.

That seemed to sum it up.


	7. Chapter 8: It Ain't Over till it's Over

Happy 4th to those in the US! Happy Thursday to everyone else! Hope you are having a great day :)

In the hangar bay on the planet of Dristol, Leia watched as General Rieekan was brought down the Falcon's ramp. He lay on a repulsor grid, questioning the medical technicians that were transporting him to the medical center. His condition had improved greatly during the trip from Moltare. She had spent many hours sitting beside him, keeping him company. It made for a convenient distraction.

Since the kiss, Leia had avoided Han as much as she possibly could on such a small ship. Luke and Chewie seemed aware that something had occurred between herself and the Falcon's Captain, although neither questioned it.

The kiss...

Warmth coursed through her at the memory, causing an intense pain to grip her heart. She had never been kissed like that before. She had kissed Wesley more times than she could count, and it was pleasurable to kiss Wesley. But kissing Han...the feeling of his lips against hers, so soft and warm, blazed a fire in both her body and her heart. She tried very hard not to acknowledge it, but how could she possibly deny it? The kiss had left her weak, trembling, her thoughts and feelings in disarray.

He couldn't know how deeply he had affected her. And so, she put up her best facade of indifference whenever she saw him. It was not easy to maintain, especially when she saw the hurt in his eyes. He looked almost stricken by her apathy. Leia couldn't understand that. After all, he was still with Bria. How much could one little kiss have meant to him?

It had meant a lot to her. She was honest enough to admit that to herself. _That_ was what frightened her. It had meant_ too much._ It had left her feeling a need so deep, so intense, that she just had to escape it. She could not allow herself to need anyone that deeply. Especially not someone like Han. Someone who was in love with someone else, and who would also have to leave, sooner or later.

She was beginning to wish it were sooner. Because the longer he stayed, the more she was becoming reliant upon him. The more she _needed _him. And Princess Leia Organa did not want to need anyone.

Luke had gone to Rieekan's side and was now patting his arm and speaking soft words of encouragement. When he stepped away, Leia moved to the General's side.

"A little bacta and you'll be good as new." She smiled.

Rieekan smiled back, his expression much stronger than it had been just two days ago. He reached over, took her hand in his, and squeezed it gently. "Thank you, Leia."  
She held her smile firmly in place as the repulsor grid hovered away, destined for the med center. Footsteps sounded behind her, and instinctively she knew it was Han. She could feel his eyes on her.

When he spoke, his voice was much closer than she expected, forcing her to hide the way she almost flinched.

"Well, Your Worship, mission accomplished."

Taking a deep, steadying breath, she turned around to face him, grateful that he was unaware of the way her stomach clenched at his proximity. Before she could respond, Threepio approached.

"Mistress Leia, shall I inform Major Tobin of your arrival?" He stood poised to carry out the request.

Han turned to him, eyes narrowing with annoyance. "Would you just wait a minute, Goldenrod. Can't you see we're talking here?"

The golden protocol droid stiffened. "Certainly, Captain Solo. I was only trying to be of help. Why, if there is anything I can do to be of service-"

"You can shut up, that's what you can do." Han's patience was obviously nonexistent at this point.

"Yes, sir." Despite the fact that Threepio was an entirely mechanical being, he managed to somehow give the impression of being offended. He shuffled away, mumbling quietly about someone's apparent lack of etiquette.

Han had turned back to her. "Don't forget about that datacard, Your Highnessness."

Leia had the distinct impression that Han was stalling. "Yes, I know."

"I suppose they'll be setting up a sabotage mission."

"I suppose you're right."

"That might be interesting. Maybe I'll sign up for it."

Interesting? Suicidal maybe. "That's really not your area of expertise."

He grinned. "I've got lots of areas of expertise, Princess."

She blushed hotly, recalling that she was well aware of one of them. His grin only widened.

Chewie came down the ramp, walking over to them with an extensive howl.

"Yeah," Han answered. "We'll get to work repairing that right away." He looked at his friend pointedly, eliciting a knowing chuckle from the Wookiee. Before he could leave, Luke sauntered over.

"So, you guys want to do something later?" he asked enthusiastically.

Leia felt Han's glare as she answered quickly, "No, I can't. I've got a lot to do."

Luke didn't try to hide his disappointment. "Oh." He turned to Han. "What about you guys?"

Han's eyes stayed on Leia. "Naw. I'm beat. I think I'll just turn in early tonight." He glanced at Chewie, who barked his agreement.

"All right." Luke's head lowered dismally.

A new voice boomed over the quiet conversation. "Leia!"

They all looked up to see Wesley striding towards them. Han scowled.

Wesley swept Leia up into his arms and spun her around, replacing her small body on the ground on the other side of him, away from the group. Leia kept her eyes on him, not wanting to look at Han. Her mind recoiled at the high level of discomfort caused by the situation she suddenly found herself in. She couldn't even think as Wesley's lips descended upon hers, kissing her full on the mouth. She wasn't sure what was going on here. Normally, he did not show such affection when they were in public.

"I missed you," he whispered sincerely.

From the corner of her eye, Leia saw her three friends walking away from this display, obviously uncomfortable. She could see Han's form moving back towards the Falcon.

"I wasn't gone that long." The words came to her lips, but she barely knew what she was saying.

"Thank the Force you're safe." He pulled her into a tight embrace. When he released her, he took her hand in his and steered her away from the Falcon. As it left her field of vision, she got one last glimpse of Han, standing at the bottom of the ramp, watching her with a forlorn expression.

"There's a meeting in the conference room in an hour," Wesley was saying. "Everyone will be pleased that you made it in time."

"I have the report ready on General Rieekan's rescue." She had gone over it hundreds of times, as a distraction.

"Great. Any casualties?"

Leia's voice softened. "We lost three men from the commando team."  
Wesley nodded. "I guess that's not as bad as it could have been."

"I suppose." Any loss of life was a tragedy.

He stopped suddenly, forcing her to halt also. "Leia, I've been doing a lot of thinking."

"About what?" she asked cautiously.

"About us."

A strange numbness settled over her. Was he putting an end to their relationship? She wasn't sure how she felt about that. "Okay. What have you been thinking?"

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I've been a real jerk for a long time now. About Solo, and about a lot of other things. I'm sorry. I should trust you, and from now on I'm going to."

She forced her expression to remain neutral. Although she had never promised Wesley anything, she felt suddenly guilty.

He wrapped his arms around her. "I want to make it up to you," he whispered. "Starting with tonight. I have big plans for us." He grinned.

Leia smiled back weakly. "What kind of plans?" she forced herself to ask.

He moved his mouth near here ear. "The romantic kind. Dinner, candles, music. I've set it all up in my quarters. You just have to show up." He kissed her cheek softly.

Leia supposed this was as good a distraction as anything else. "That sounds wonderful." She attempted an enthusiastic expression.

"It will be." He squeezed her hand and resumed walking. "But first we have to get through this meeting."

Leia pushed everything else from her mind, making a decision to focus more energy on her relationship with Wesley. This was safe, this was comfortable. There were no complications, and she knew Wes would never decide to just pick up and leave. Yes, this was the easiest path.

Han slammed some tools around the hold, ignoring the clanging sounds that reverberated in his ears.

_Women! Who knew how they were ever going to react to anything?_ He had no idea. Leia had spent the two-day trip from Moltare ignoring him. He knew she had been unnerved by the kiss, but how could she act as if it hadn't happened? Had it meant nothing to her? After her passionate reaction, he found that hard to believe.

She had been on his mind constantly since it had happened. Aside from his disappointment at her pushing him away, he was worried that he had damaged their friendship. Whatever was between them, he didn't want to lose her.

She had said it was a mistake. It hadn't felt like a mistake, but after the way she ran away afterwards, perhaps it was. He didn't understand what it was she wanted. She had been so receptive to the kiss at first, but then she had withdrawn.

What should he do? Should he go to her? Tell her it _had_ been a mistake? That it would never happen again? That he hadn't felt the kiss in every fiber of his being?

Or should he tell her the truth? That he wanted her, wanted her more than anything. That she haunted his thoughts and invaded his dreams. He hadn't allowed himself to admit these thoughts before. Now he could not escape them.

Seeking to solve a problem that he did understand, Han picked up the hydrospanner he had so angrily hurled aside. He opened a nearby panel and began fine tuning the mechanism there. As his hands worked on familiar problems, his mind began to calm. He released a weary sigh.

How had things become so complicated? He thought back to a year ago, when he had first met the young Princess. He had immediately thought her to be breathtaking, but had never imagined he would develop such deep feelings for her. What was it about her? He could pinpoint several things that he found fascinating about her, of course. Aside from her beauty, there was the graceful way she carried herself, the quiet dignity she possessed. Then there was her intense respect for life. He had seen her deeply affected over the loss of Rebels she had barely known. He had never met anyone, particularly amongst the circles in which he had traveled, who held all life in such high regard.

Despite her royal upbringing, she considered no one beneath her. Here he was, a smuggler with a highly questionable background, and she had embraced his friendship as readily as she would have a prince. She had the biggest, most sensitive heart he had ever known. She both loved and hated with such passion. He imagined being with her would be an experience of unparalleled intensity.

He knew Tobin was her lover. He made no pretense about it. Yet, she seemed such an innocent. Han was able to elicit a blush on her cheeks with the most of tame of comments. He _adored_ that about her. She was so easy to get a rise out of.

His mind returned to the kiss. The tenderness of her touch, the passion that she held in check with such obvious effort...

Unexpectedly, two arms wrapped themselves around his chest, causing him to jump in surprise. How had he not heard the footsteps?

Bria laughed at his reaction. "You're slipping, Han. I've never been able to sneak up on you on your own ship before."

_Man, I have got to stop letting Leia get to me like this._ He turned to face Bria, an undeniable guilt sweeping through him. He felt torn in two directions at once. One path seemed to be blocked, while the other, more familiar path, called to him without hesitation.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"I missed you." She kissed him long on the lips, pressing herself against him.

Han responded automatically, trying not to think. This was a potentially dangerous game he was playing here. He hadn't meant to play, but he found himself caught up in it nonetheless. He knew he was being unfair to Bria. Even if things were less than perfect between them, it was wrong for him to be actively pursuing another woman. He didn't want to hurt her. At this point, he doubted much of anything was going to happen between himself and Leia anyway. There was no reason for Bria to know anything.

She broke the kiss and smiled at him, running her hands up and down his chest. "How was the mission? I know you got Rieekan back."

"Uneventful."

"That's always good."

"What have you been up to?"

"Oh, I've been busy. I just got back yesterday from Ord Mantell. We got a shipment of airspeeders." She grinned.

"Great," he answered without enthusiasm.

Her expression grew concerned. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course. I'm just tired."

"Well." She linked her arm through his and guided him towards the ramp. She leaned close and whispered in his ear. "Maybe we should go to bed then."

_That_ was the last thing Han felt like doing. "Well, uh, I'm kinda hungry. Why don't we get something to eat?"

Her eyebrows rose in disbelief. "You'd rather eat? Who are you?" She laughed lightly.

He smiled weakly. "I must be getting old, Hon."

She laughed, eyes sparkling. "I suppose I'll have to find a way to liven you up, old man."

They reached the bottom of the ramp, and Han glanced around, almost expecting to find Leia nearby. He didn't. They started on their way to the mess area, Han's thoughts caught between guilt and denial. He held Bria's hand, feeling that the galaxy was spinning out of control around him.

Han lay back against the pillow in his bunk, Bria curled up beside him. He hadn't felt like making love, but she had been surprisingly persuasive. It was awful. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Leia. He wasn't sure who he felt more guilty towards in this scenario. He knew that was a ridiculous thought, since he had nothing with Leia, and so owed her no fidelity.

Still, he had this nagging feeling that he had somehow betrayed Leia, even though he knew the thought was ridiculous. Maybe it was her innocence that made him feel that way. Again, he found his mind pulled powerfully to that overpowering kiss in the cockpit. He didn't want to, but he couldn't help but compare kissing Leia with kissing Bria. Kissing Bria had always been great, ever since the first time. But kissing Leia...

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Kissing Leia was something else entirely, something he had never experienced before. He hadn't imagined he could feel so much from just one kiss. It had touched him in a way that he didn't understand, making him feel a multitude of confusing emotions he had never dreamed of: a fierce possessiveness; an uncontrollable desire to hold her and never let her go; to give her everything he had, everything she wanted; to see her smiling, laughing, for her to want him as he wanted her; to place her happiness above all.

Her happiness seemed the most important thing in the galaxy to him. If she truly didn't want him, he wouldn't push her. But he _knew_ she wanted him. He just couldn't figure out why she fought it, with almost as much determination as she fought this war. She certainly wasn't happy. He knew her well enough to know the sorrows she carried in her heart. But he knew, he was certain, that he could make her happy. The only time he saw her smile, a genuine simle that reached her eyes, was when she was with him. And Han had observed her with others, he knew she didn't smile like that for anyone else.

He looked down at the woman lying beside him. He didn't want to hurt her. But he was beginning to see that he didn't love her anymore, not the way he once had. He cared for her, but this thing with Leia was more powerful than any feeling he had ever known. At the moment, he couldn't bring himself to let Bria know his feelings had changed. He didn't want to cause her pain if he didn't have to, and since Leia was just avoiding him at the moment, there was no reason to deal with this yet.

_You're a coward, Solo,_ he told himself. He had to smile at that. If there was one thing he never thought of himself as, it was a coward. But in this situation, he had to admit, he was afraid to face it head-on.

Exhausted and sick of thinking, Han rolled over to his side, away from Bria, and let himself drift into unconsciousness.

Alone in her small quarters, Leia fastened the braids tight to her head while mentally preparing herself for another day. Her first order of business was a meeting, the first that Rieekan would chair since his return a week ago. It had been a turbulent week, peppered with crisis at every turn, including the sudden failure of the main power generator. Leia was thankful for the distractions. It did not allow her to think of _him._

Leia had managed to avoid Han Solo since their return from Moltare, through her busy schedule, and because Wesley was monopolizing her free time. For some unfathomable reason, he had decided to approach their relationship from an entirely new angle, becoming an understanding, patient, romantic companion. He was back to being the man he had been, before Han's arrival at the base on Torridos.

It hadn't changed her feelings, but it did make life easier. She no longer had to listen to his complaints or petty jealousies. And, since his company was infinitely more pleasurable than it had been, she enjoyed being with him, a perfect distraction from what had happened with Han.

Leia absently applied a dab of lipcolor, trying not to think of the Corellian's beautiful, hazel eyes or the way his lips had felt against hers. They were not so easy for her mind to ignore.

An insistent rap at the door caused her to startle. With a tiny sigh of annoyance, she went to the door and called through it, "Who's there?"

The voice that came through caused her heart to flutter in her chest like a nest-fly trying to break free. "It's me."

The deep rumble of Han's voice sent a sliver of fear down her spine. With trembling hands, Leia palmed the door open and hated the way her stomach flip-flopped at the sight of him, standing tall and heartachingly appealing.

"Hey," he said softly, stepping past her into her quarters before she could protest.

"Hi," she responded feebly.

He walked across the small room and sat on her bunk without preamble. His nerve annoyed her, fueling her defenses, strengthening her resolve.

"Is there something I can do for you?" she asked sharply. She regretted it instantly when she saw the way his cocky expression faltered to something resembling hurt confusion.

"Leia, what's going on? Are you mad that I kissed you?"

His words caused her hands to resume their trembling, and she shoved them into her pockets, averting her eyes at the same moment. "No, I'm not mad, Han." This was the exact conversation she had been trying desperately to avoid. But this was Han, who never let her get away with anything.

He waited for more, and when she did not continue, he asked softly, "Well, then what is it?"

"I just...I'm not mad. I just feel...uncomfortable around you now." She continued to stare at the floor.

He stood quickly and was before her, his hand gently lifting her chin. Their eyes met, and that disturbing vulnerability washed over her. If he kissed her again, she wasn't sure she could resist.

He didn't kiss her, only whispered, "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. If I had known it was going to come between us like this, I never would have done it."

That admission caused something akin to disappointment to grip her. She pushed that aside, knowing it was irrational.

"I don't want us to stop being friends." His eyes bored into hers, making her feel weaker with each word he spoke. "I care about you. And I think you care about me too."

"Of course, I do," she responded a bit too quickly.

He grinned that sexy, lopsided grin and brought his face close enough to hers to make her dizzy. "Then stop avoidin' me. You're makin' me paranoid."

Unable to stand his proximity another moment, she took a step away from him, turning to the reflector and making a show of straightening her braids. "Who would have thought Han Solo was capable of being paranoid?" she teased in a voice that was stronger than she felt.

"I have my moments, Your Worship," he grinned.

"I'm sure." Her gaze met his in the reflector and she gave him a wry smile.

He came closer to her from behind, his eyes growing serious again. "Look, obviously I shouldn't have kissed you. If I scared you somehow-"

She spun to face him, indignant at the truthfulness of his remark. "I didn't say you scared me."

He looked at her knowingly. "Lemme finish."

She clamped her mouth shut, afraid of what insights he might reveal next.

"I don't want you to run away from me. Whatever is going through your head about the kiss, I want us to get past it." He raised an eyebrow. "You wanna tell me what you've been thinking?"

She stared at him challengingly. "No. Do you want to tell me what _you're _thinking?"

He smirked. "Only if you go first."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical," she muttered.

He grinned. "That's my girl."

Her heart jumped as he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. Her mind flashed with an unexpected memory of what his mouth tasted like, and she flinched inwardly. Her heart wanted to respond to that statement. _Am I your girl, Han? Isn't Bria your girl? _But she could never say those words.

"So," he was saying, oblivious to her internal struggle. "We're okay here?"

She nodded reluctantly. "Sure."

He eyed her skeptically. "You're not just sayin' that, are you? I'm not gonna see you running the other way in the mess again, am I?"

Amazing how well he could read her. She smiled a bit more genuinely. "No, I'm not going to run from you." If nothing else, her stubborn pride would no longer allow it.

"Good." He leaned over her and gently pressed his lips to her forehead, evoking that same overwhelming emotion that scared her silly. When he pulled away, he looked at her carefully. "That kind of kiss is okay, right?"

The intensity in his eyes only brought new strength to that powerful feeling. She wanted to say, _No, it's not. Anytime you touch me, in any way, is not okay. _ _It breaks my heart, every time._ "Of course, it is."

He smiled softly. "Okay then. So... we're okay here?"

"Yes." _Leave. Please, just leave._

He strolled to the door and palmed it open. "Where are you headed?"  
"The conference room." _Don't offer to walk me there._

"I'll walk with you."

"You don't have to."

"I've got nothin' else to do."

"Alright then." _Damn._ She followed him out the door, thinking that things were back to normal yet would somehow never be the same.


	8. Chapter 9: Back at the Palace

I keep having formatting issues, which is making me crazy lol. Trying to post this for the fourth time today.

"Princess Leia, you've grown into such a beautiful, young woman," the King of Rallorin said softly. He was a tall, thin humanoid, half a head taller than Han. The only features that differentiated him from humans were the large, brown circles that bubbled in two rows of four across his gaunt cheeks and the way that his nose was devoid of a bridge, consisting only of two flaring nostrils above his mouth. The soft-spoken leader wore long, flowing robes in a dark shade of purple, and his head was bald, save for a small topknot that tapered into a long ponytail to trail down his back.

Behind him stood his family, and Han noted that his two sons had the same hairstyle, while his wife and daughter had no hair at all. Han knew nothing of this species, and wondered if that was the current style, or if the females were born without hair.

Leia had told him of her visits as a child to the palace of Rallorin.

The ruling family were old friends of the Organas, and Leia was visiting to petition for funds to help support the Rebel Alliance. She was anticipating getting that aid, and Han hoped their hosts would not disappoint them.

The tall man embraced Leia, causing her to almost disappear within his tall frame and flowing robes. "I was so sorry to hear about Alderaan," he whispered. "But I'm relieved that you are safe." He pulled back from her and averted his gaze. "When I heard about Bail..."

"Let's not talk of such sorrow," Leia interrupted in a voice that was clearly used to avoiding such a painful topic.

"Of course, my dear." He smiled smoothly.

Leia turned towards Han. "Han, may I present King Birinsi. This is Captain Han Solo."

It had taken some serious persuading on Leia's part, but Han gave a curt bow. "It's an honor," he said in a loud, clear voice.

"And it is an honor to meet any friend of Princess Leia's," the king responded magnanimously.

Leia had moved past the King to embrace the members of his family, leaving Han to face the King alone. He leaned in close to the pilot, dropping his voice so that no one else could hear. Han instantly found himself feeling defensive.

"How well do you know Leia, Captain?"

He kept his tone guarded. "Pretty well."

"How has she fared without Bail these past couple of years?"

Han looked at the King, saw that his expression was sincere. "She's made it. She's a strong woman."  
He smiled wistfully. "That she is."

Leia rejoined them, and after Han was introduced to the royal family, the king summoned a servant to show them to their rooms.

"I have some urgent business to attend to," he told them. "Feel free to keep yourselves entertained. The palace is at your disposal. Make yourselves at home. You will be summoned for dinner with us this evening." With that he was gone, his family trailing in his wake.

The male servant who led them through the palace had the same topknot as the King, but without the long ponytail. As he led them to their rooms, Han could only gape at the splendor of the palace.

Each room was humongous, larger than any Han had ever seen. The furnishings were obviously more expensive than Han could ever have imagined. Intricate tapestries covered the windows, gilded moldings lined the doorways, and priceless works of art surrounded him at every turn. He appraised them with a smuggler's eyes, then berated himself for such thoughts.

The staircase they ascended was made of solid, red marble. He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around how many credits _that_ must have cost. They traveled down a hallway and came to a door, which the servant opened for Leia, then followed her through. Han stayed in the doorway, watching as the man showed Leia where everything was. His eyes were drawn to the enormous, canopied bed at the far end, beneath the panoramic window that led out to a balcony and provided a breathtaking view of the gardens below. He pushed aside the thoughts of what he would like to do in that bed.

In the past six months, since he had kissed her, things had mostly returned to normal between them. They still spent a great deal of time together, both with Luke and without. But something was strained in their friendship. She never truly allowed herself to relax, her guard was always up. He hated to see that. But he didn't think there was much he could do about it.

His relationship with Bria was almost nonexistent now. They were still together, but they spent less time with each other than ever before. And many times, when they were together, they ended up fighting about nothing in particular. He wasn't sure why he stayed with her… perhaps it was to spite Leia. If she didn't want him, he'd show her that someone else did. He knew his attitude was childish, but it bothered him that he hadn't been able to get close to her again. It made him angry, and he needed to retaliate in some way.

Leia disappeared into the refresher, and the servant came to Han and brought him to the room just next to Leia's, closing her door behind him. Han's room was quite similar to Leia's, just slightly smaller. It too was furnished lavishly, with an iron, canopied bed at the center, instead of by the window. He was shown the layout of the room, and when he was alone, he began to explore. _Okay, this door's a closet. That's the 'fresher. Wonder what's behind door number three?_

He hit the controls and the door slid open to reveal Leia, standing in her room, facing him, her fingers just finishing with the fasteners on the lavender jumpsuit she had changed into. Her eyes narrowed.

"What do you think you're doing?"

He grinned. "Relax. I didn't know what this door led to."

"Well, now you know. I think I'll keep it locked from now on, thank you very much." She glared at him darkly.

He just shrugged, and swaggered to her tall bed. The mattress came up to his waist, and he smiled in amusement, thinking of how small she would seem next to it. He climbed into it, lying back with his hands behind his head.

Leia walked over and said caustically, "Don't hold back. Make yourself at home."  
He shot her a patient look, realizing that he was right: she looked adorable with the bed reaching her chest. "Well, that's what the King said...make yourself at home."

"I'm sure he meant in your own room."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

She shook her head and went to her travel pack, taking out clothes and placing them in the wardrobe.

He watched her for a long moment, his eyes travelling over every feature. "How old were you the last time you came here?"

She stopped what she was doing and leaned heavily against the wardrobe. "Um, I think...thirteen? I think." Her gaze grew inward. "I came with just my father. I remember Telly and I used to play in the gardens during the day."

_Telly?_ After a second, Han realized that was the King's daughter. She was perhaps a couple of years younger than Leia.

She continued, her voice wistful. "We talked about everything. We made up endless, silly games. This was really the only place where I was ever allowed to be a child." She smiled a small, sad smile. "In the evenings, I would meet with my father, before dinner, and he would tell me about his day. I think this was a rare place for him to relax also." Her eyes filled with sudden tears, and Han cursed himself for bringing it up.

Instantly, he was beside her, wrapping his arms around her tiny body. "Aw, Princess, I didn't mean to upset you."

She leaned into him momentarily. "No, it's okay. I'm fine." She rested her head on his chest, making a warm, wonderful feeling spread through Han's insides. Then she removed herself from his arms and looked up at him, smiling through her tears. "They're happy memories."

He arched an eyebrow. "Then why are you crying?"

Her chin trembled slightly, before she got it under control again. "Don't ask stupid questions, Han."

He smirked. "But you always tell me that's my specialty."

"This is true."

Instinctively, he brought his face closer to hers. Sometimes, he simply couldn't help himself.

She immediately moved away from him, returning to her task. Han's heart sank, as it always did when she pushed him away. He went to the balcony and stepped out, admiring the gardens below. The endless trees, shrubs and flowers spanned farther than he could see. He wondered vaguely how much land this estate was on.

To his surprise, Leia joined him after only a few minutes. She didn't look at him, just stared off into the distance. He watched her, unobserved. He loved to just look at her. He admired the graceful lines of her throat, the soft curve of her lips. He loved the regal shape of her eyebrows, the softness of her white skin. Most of all, he found himself drawn to her gorgeous eyes, so dark and expressive. He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm this train of thought.

He clasped her hand in his suddenly and pulled her to face him. "C'mon, Princess," he said softly. "Let's go check out these gardens."

She smiled tentatively, which he took as a good sign. He led her from the balcony, slowing his pace to match her smaller legs.

In the garden, Han continued to hold her hand. He knew it was only a matter of time until she yanked it from his gentle grasp, so he enjoyed it while he could.

They walked in peaceful silence for a time, neither commenting as they admired the beautiful gardens. They passed numerous garden tenders, both male and female, and Han saw that all the women had no hair.

"What's with the hair? Or lack of it, should I say?"

Leia cast him an amused glance. "Rallorin women are born without hair. The males are the more attractive of the two sexes."

"Oh."

"When I was little, I couldn't believe the women had no hair. I mean, imagine the difference, Alderaanian women grow their hair as long as possible, never cutting it. It was a bit of culture shock for me."

"I'm sure."

"I wondered how I would look without hair." She laughed. "I imagine it wouldn't be a pretty sight."

He glanced sideways at her, an affectionate smile on his lips. "You'd still be beautiful, Leia."

Her eyes flew to the ground and she smiled shyly. "Well, thank you," she said self-consciously. "But I doubt that highly."

He kept his eyes straight ahead, but squeezed her hand, running his thumb along her slender fingers. They continued walking, and Han didn't want to admit how much he was enjoying the tender moment.

"So, tell me more about when you were a kid." He just wanted to keep her talking, to continue to see her at ease with him.

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything."

She thought for a long minute before responding. "I always wanted a brother, or sister," she said wistfully. "I didn't have much time with other children. I didn't go to school with others, I had private tutors who taught me at the Palace. I think that's why I was so drawn to Telly. When I was here, we pretended we were sisters."

"That must've been fun."

"Yes, it was." Her eyes grew serious again.

"Did you have _any_ friends on Alderaan?"

"I did have one. Winter. We were very close, but even with her, there were formalities. No matter how many times I told her not to, she continued to call me 'Your Highness.'" She sighed deeply. "Sometimes, I just wanted to be Leia. Do you know what I mean?" She looked at him beseechingly.

He stared back with serious eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do, Leia."

She smiled gratefully, and it warmed his heart. He was beginning to feel hopeful that they could restore their former closeness.

They came upon an area with two benches which had a small rock fountain between them. The area was effectively blocked off by a canopy of huge trees with pink, feathery leaves, giving the illusion of privacy. The quiet sound of the water streaming through the rocks added to the quiet atmosphere. Without a word, Han led Leia to a bench and sat beside her, still holding her hand.

She turned towards him and asked suddenly. "What about you?"

"What about me?" He grinned.

She shoved him playfully. "You know everything about me. Tell me something about you."

He leaned close, his face agonizingly near her. "Do I know everything, Leia?" he whispered.

Her features softened for an instant, then she drew back slightly. "You know what I mean."

He sighed. "So... what? You want to know something? Ask me."

"Tell me about Dewlanna."

He grimaced. His childhood, if one could call it that, was non-negotiable. "She was a Wookiee," he answered flippantly, knowing that was the one bit of information she already knew.

She rolled her eyes. "I should have expected that." She shook her head at the way his grin widened. "Can't you be serious for a minute?"

He made a show of lowering his brow in contemplation. "Hmmm...nah, I don't think so."

"Nerfherder," she muttered. "How did you end up with Dewlanna?"

Deliberately, just to throw her off balance, he leaned back and placed one arm around her, across the back of the bench. He let his hand mold to her shoulder. "I don't remember," he replied off-handedly.

Surprisingly, his touch had no effect. "She must have told you something."

"Not really."

"Okay. Well, how old were you when you met her?"

She obviously was not going to let this go. "Dunno." He decided to up the ante. He swung around, turned her so that her back faced him, then placed one long leg beside her, forcing her to lean back against his chest. Then he slipped his arms around her waist, cradling her body with his own.

It had the desired effect. She stiffened. "What are you doing?"

"What?" he asked in his most innocent voice.

"You know."

"Know what?"

She sighed, sitting ramrod straight, but did not try to move from his arms. "Fine. Tell me about Corellia."

"What about it?" This was a much safer topic, but now he simply didn't want to give her the satisfaction. Besides, he was having too much fun.

"What did you do there?"

He laughed softly, bringing his head to hover by her neck. "Got into a lot of trouble." Without warning, he gently brushed his lips against the warm skin of her throat, not quite kissing her there.

She took in a sharp breath, almost jumping in his arms. He continued the tender caress, lost in the softness of her skin now. He felt her relax against him, and a hot, fluid emotion coursed through him. His lips parted involuntarily, and he tasted her skin, sweet and warm against his mouth. She cleared her throat suddenly, and before he had time to register it, she was retreating from him, her face crimson. She stood quickly.

Her eyes were locked on the fountain when she spoke. "We...we should get back. In case anyone is looking for us."

Han tried to ignore the incessant longing he felt. But it was impossible. He was beginning to grow tired of this frustration. Wordlessly, he got up and began walking, not even glancing back to see if she followed.

It was rather early for Leia to be in bed, but the alternative was too unnerving. Dinner had been a lovely, elaborate affair, full of fond reminiscing. Only one thing had detracted from the pleasure of the evening.

She felt as if Han were stalking her, like some predatory animal. Every time she looked at him, he was watching her with fierce eyes. Somehow, something subtle had shifted between them that afternoon. She wasn't quite sure why or how...it just had. And now she found herself unable to handle it.

There was a new tension every time he touched her. As simple a thing as his hand resting on her back as they walked down the staircase was enough to make her quiver inside. She felt overwhelmed by his presence, intoxicated by his closeness. She fought it with every last bit of strength, but he was wearing her down.

She couldn't let him kiss her again, that would be the end of her. She had to keep reminding herself of all the reasons he was wrong for her: he was Bria Tharen's man; he was an irresponsible scoundrel; he had no loyalty to the Rebellion, and no intention of staying; he had a price on his head; and if she allowed herself to be with him, to know how he could penetrate her soul, she would surely fall apart if she lost him.

And she _was _destined to lose him, be it to Bria, his decision to leave, or death. It was only a matter of when. And as it was, even maintaining some illusion of distance from him, she knew that when he was gone, she would be devastated. That terrified her. The thought of how she would feel when he was no longer with her left her feeling small and fragile. The only time in her life she had felt that way was when Alderaan had been destroyed. She had no desire to relive _those_ feelings of loss.

A soft knock at the door separating her room from Han's caused her to sit up quickly in her bed. _Damn, I never locked that door._ She froze, uncertain of what to do. Should she call to him? Or should she take the coward's way out, and feign sleep? "Oh, hells," she muttered to herself. "What?" she called sharply.

The door slid open almost as the word left her lips. Leia squinted against the sudden burst of light that streamed in from his room. When her eyes had adjusted, she saw Han leaning in the doorway, clad only in his gray shorts, arms crossed.

"Yes?" she asked coldly.

"I can't sleep."

She sighed. "How is that my problem?"

"I just figured... if you were still awake... we could both use some company." His voice was soft and gentle in the stillness of the room.

"I'm trying to sleep."

"But you're not actually sleeping." She couldn't make out his expression in the shadows, but she could hear the grin in his voice.

"What do you want me to do?" Even she could hear the vulnerability in her own voice.

"Just to talk for a while. Don't ya trust me?" Again, that maddeningly knowing tone.

She resisted the urge to laugh in his face. "Somehow, Han Solo and the word 'trust' just don't connect in my mind."

"Ouch!" He laughed.

"All right, come in if you must."

He swaggered into the room, and leaned at her bedside.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, appalled.

"What?"

"Don't you think this is a little inappropriate?" She clung to whatever excuse she could find to prevent him from getting too close.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked softly.

_Everything._ "Nothing. Why would I be afraid?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

This was a completely new game he was playing, and she didn't like it. It was as if he had been showing mercy for her fragile emotional state before, but now he had cast any such pretense aside. "You're delusional."

"Am I?" He leaned closer to where she was practically cowering against her pillow.

In the faint light, she could just see his hypnotic, hazel eyes gazing at her intently. "I... I need a drink," she whispered pathetically. She heard him sigh as she climbed from the bed on the other side, away from Han. As she passed the illuminator, she gave it a soft whack, dousing the room in sudden light.

Across the room, she opened the refrigeration unit and removed a small pitcher of fresh water. She poured herself a large glassful and downed it in one, long swallow. With a deep, refreshing breath, she replaced the glass on the small table and turned back to Han.

Which was probably a mistake. Han had climbed into her bed and was laying across it enticingly, one leg up with an arm propped across it. His smooth, tanned skin played softly over firm muscle, making her wish desperately that she had never allowed him to come in the room. And he was smiling at her, not his usual cocky grin, but a soft, sweet smile that reminded her of how caring and gentle he could be.

She opted for the safest venue she could find, taking a seat on the nearby sofa, as far from him as she could manage. She curled up there, tucking her feet primly beneath the long edge of her sleepgown. The disappointment on his face caused her to stifle a giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asked, a mock wounded expression on his handsome face.

"Nothing. Really." She giggled again.

He cocked an eyebrow at her, which settled her down into a more serious demeanor.

"How come you didn't bring up the Alliance stuff during dinner?" he asked.

_The Alliance stuff,_ she laughed inwardly. _He's so articulate. _"It wouldn't be appropriate to bring it up during dinner. Rallorin custom is to keep one's business and personal life separate."

"So, does that mean he won't help you, even though he's your friend?"

"No, it means that he won't help me _because_ I'm his friend. But I do believe he will help me because he believes in the cause of the Rebellion."

"Huh." He seemed to ponder this.

"Something you don't understand about that?" she asked patiently.

"No," he answered a bit defensively. "So, when will you talk to him about it?"

"The custom is to petition the King for an audience. I've received permission for an audience the day after tomorrow."

"Oh."

She smiled at him, some of the vulnerability gone now. "You must be tired, Han. Your witty repartee is almost nonexistent."

He grinned. "Gimme some time, Sweetheart. I may surprise you."

"You usually do," she responded fondly.

He grinned again, and Leia realized he might be mistaking her banter for flirting. She decided to remain serious, if such a thing were possible with Han Solo.

"At any rate," he was saying. "This makes for a good vacation."

"Don't enjoy yourself too much. This _is _business."

"Leia, when are you going to learn to relax?"

"How can I relax? There are hundreds of things I should be doing."

"But you can't do any of them right now, so you might as well relax."

She sighed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "You simply don't understand."

"Sure, I do. I just look at life differently than you do."

"You can say that again," she muttered.

"I'm being serious here."

She returned her gaze to him and waited patiently for some elaboration.

He continued. "Look, I'm taking this whole Rebellion thing as serious as the next guy. But I can still step back and enjoy life every chance I get. You don't know how to do that."

She tried not to show how much his comment about the Rebellion both touched and pleased her. "How can you say that? After all the nights I've spent playing that godsforsaken Sabacc game with Luke, Chewie and you?"

"That's a distraction, that's all. You still don't let yourself relax. Not totally."

"What exactly is your definition of relaxing? It seems to be differing from mine."

"Relaxing is to just let go and enjoy yourself. To not think about anything, 'cept what you're doin' right now." He stared at her intently. "You ever do that, Princess?"

She looked away, suddenly uncomfortable. "How can I? When I've got the future of the galaxy on my shoulders?" she asked softly.

She heard Han rise from the bed and cross the room, kneeling before her and taking her hands in his. His warmth sent heat flowing through her hands all the way to her stomach. "You don't need to shoulder that alone, Leia. You're not alone."

She looked up at the softness in his voice. His expression was devastatingly tender and earnest. Her voice caught at the beauty of his features. Their eyes remained locked on each other. She couldn't seem to pull her gaze away. Her eyes took in his face, the perfection there marred endearingly by the scar on his chin.

His face was nearing hers, and suddenly she snapped out of her daze, standing up as quickly as she could, almost knocking him down with the unexpectedness of the movement. She crossed the room and fiddled with some things on the side table by the bed. When she glanced back at Han, she saw him sitting dejectedly on the floor where she had left him. His head was bent over his arms, where they rested on his raised knees. He sat that way for a long time, as Leia arranged and rearranged the items on the tabletop. When there was little else she could do there, she turned back to see him standing, moving towards her.

"I'll let you get some sleep, Your Highnessness."

His voice sounded thick to her ears. "Okay. Goodnight."

He came to stand before her, next to the bed. "Night," he whispered softly.

His hands were on her shoulders, his face bending towards her. She closed her eyes; his nearness more than she could handle. But his lips only brushed against her cheek, causing relief to mix with disappointment, in one swirling emotion. As his head came up, she opened her eyes, not willing to allow him to see how much he affected her. Although, she suspected he already knew.

He smiled softly, almost understandingly, then walked through the door adjoining his room and closed it behind him.

Leia collapsed against the bed, emotionally overwhelmed. Surely, he was killing her, ever so slowly.


	9. Chapter 7: Safety and Seduction

It's come to my attention that chapter 7 is somehow missing (Thank you, Mako-clb). I was sure I posted it but ff.n has been giving me a lot of problems with updates. So, this is out of order and I apologize if it is confusing and if you have already read it. I will try to post chapter 10 tomorrow. I have been having a family emergency since Friday so things have been crazy.

My chapter 7 post:

Thank you to all for sticking with this story :) I think you'll like this chapter ;)

Han steered the stolen speeder bike through the trees, towards the place where he knew his beloved ship was waiting, along with his friends. He was quickly spotted on the terminal, and had just barely gotten the data uploaded to the datacard when blaster fire had destroyed the console in front of him. He had managed to get away and up to the transportation garage, hot wiring a speeder bike and blasting out. He glanced down at his speed reading and saw that it read one hundred seventy-five kilometers. He knew these babies could go at least as fast as two hundred, so he kicked it into high gear, the wind whipping past his face.

A laserbolt sizzled past his neck, missing him by a narrow margin. He winced and pushed the speeder to its limit now. A loud rumble came to his ears, drowning out the low hum of the speeder.

He had never been so happy to hear the sound of the Millennium Falcon's engines in his life. Narrowing his eyes against the wind, he braced himself for what he knew was going to be a dangerous maneuver.

A tiny speck in the distance, weaving through the trees, caught Leia's eye.

"There he is!" Her voice was an urgent whisper.

Chewie barked several instructions to them. In response, Luke got up from the pilot's chair, making room for Leia to take over. He went to the ramp, prepared to provide cover for Han if necessary.

As the speck grew to the identifiable shape of a speeder bike, Leia found herself gripping the controls with white knuckled fingers.

Han could hear the approaching speeder bikes behind him, closer now. He slowed as much as he dared, and was grateful to see the Falcon's ramp lowering. He saw a figure slide down the ramp and behind one of the struts. Luke stood there, picking off speeders as they approached.

Han angled the speeder so that he came in sideways, bracing himself for the coming impact. He was peripherally aware of Luke's blaster firing, then a crashing sound behind him, followed by a loud explosion that rumbled the air around him.

Han slowed the speeder bike even more, praying it would be enough. He counted silently, then hurled himself from the bike. It careened from under him, and Han felt the breath knocked out of him as he landed hard against the metal of the ramp, a hot pain searing through his left arm and burrowed into his side.

The wind was knocked out of him but before he could think, arms were gripping him around the torso, dragging him up the ramp and inside the ship.

"You are _so_ lucky to be alive," he heard Luke shout over the noise of the hatch closing.

"Tell me about it," he muttered from the floor, holding his left arm with his other hand. Before he could protest, Luke had left his side to return to the cockpit. With every intention of taking over the controls, he allowed himself a moment to catch his breath.

Footsteps sounded from the direction of the cockpit, and Han turned towards the sound, finding a frantic Leia standing above him. He smiled up at her, hiding his physical discomfort. He felt the Falcon lift off the ground to soar towards the sky.

"Hey, Your Highnessness."

Her features hardened, eyes narrowed to slits. "Are you out of your mind?" she shouted.

"That's debatable."

"You almost got yourself killed!"

He began to stand, accepting the helpful hand she offered. "But I didn't. And that's what counts." He winced as pain flared in his side then forced a cocky grin.

"Why? What did you do that for?"

Han reached into the inside pocket of his vest, and triumphantly pulled out a datacard. "This, Sweetheart."

She stared at him, dumbfounded. "_What_ is that?" she asked incredulously.

"Get a datapad and find out." Had he broken a rib? Every breath brought on a twinge.

"Damn you," she muttered before crossing the hold and taking a datapad from the shelf above the sensor station.

Han heard Chewie's frustrated howl from the cockpit. Apparently, the Imperials were in pursuit. Well, Luke and Chewie could handle it for the moment. He simply _had_ to see Leia's expression when she saw what he had managed to steal.

The Princess inserted the card into the datapad, her expression the epitome of strained patience. Han continued to hold his side, trying not to breathe too deeply. He could feel the Falcon taking evasive maneuvers and he realized that he really should get to the quad gun.

Leia's eyes scanned the datapad, her expression darkening. She looked up at Han in wordless incomprehension.

"What?" He didn't understand the reason for her apparent confusion.

"What is this?"

Now he grinned again, his earlier confidence returning. "It's the file on Fleet Construction. The Imperial shipyards. The ones the Alliance hasn't been able to find." His voice was laced with pride.

She gaped at him. "You...you went back...you _risked your life..._all our lives..._for this?!"_

Perplexed at her lack of gratitude, Han began to grow angry. "That's right, Your Worship. I thought you'd be pleased." He didn't understand her. She was simply the most baffling woman in the galaxy.

"_Pleased?_ Pleased that you would do something so...stupid?" She was seething now, and Han just couldn't understand why.

"I did it for your precious Rebellion. I thought you'd be happy about it. Most women would be. But wait," Han's voice took on a nasty edge. "I forget..._you're _not most women."

"I'm sorry, Captain. Unlike _some_ women you may know, I don't hold the Alliance over absolutely everything. Including my friends' lives."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he shouted. He heard Luke's voice calling to them both, but ignored it.

"It means, I'm not Bria."

"_What?_"

"I'm not like Bria. I don't let people die needlessly."

Han's anger was quickly turning into rage. What did she mean, bringing Bria into this? This had nothing to do with her, this was between the princess and himself. He stepped closer to her, towering above her small form.

"I don't know what your problem is, Your Highnessness. I try to help, and this is the thanks I get?" He saw her open her mouth to speak, but shoved a finger in her face menacingly. "No, I don't want to hear it! I can't believe I was actually stupid enough to think you'd come down from that mighty throne of yours and realize that you're a _person_ just like everybody else." He watched as her face changed, went from that hard mask to something more vulnerable. He knew he was about to hurt her with his words, perhaps irrevocably, but he was unable to stop himself. He looked her up and down, before adding, "I should have known there was a damn good reason they call you the Ice Bitch."

Her body shook visibly, fury building with each passing second. "How dare you speak to me like that!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. The Princess is beyond reproach. You're perfect, how come I didn't see it before?"

"You're one to talk. Are you ever going to grow up? Be a big boy and take on some responsibility?"

He gestured expansively, the motion causing the pain to flare through his side. "Oh, I suppose this is all a game? I haven't really been helping the Alliance."

"You help while it's fun for you. You don't take it seriously," she accused.

He placed a hand on his side. "Yeah, Sweetheart, this is my idea of a good time. I just _love_ gettin' injured."

For a fraction of a second, Han saw her expression soften as she glanced at his injured side. She seemed to momentarily fight a war within herself. "Are you badly hurt? Here let me..."

She reached towards him, but he pulled back, just beyond her reach. Han could see that she was concerned, but his anger was past the point of no return. "Oh no, I don't need your help, Princess. Wouldn't want you to get your hands dirty."

Her expression changed slowly from reluctant concern to feigned indifference. "Fine. I don't care if you bleed to death!"

"Don't worry, I won't let that happen. I wouldn't want to ruin your trip with something so trivial as my death."

She set her jaw, nostrils flaring, chest rising and falling rapidly. "I'm not that lucky!"

Han wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her. He couldn't recall ever being this angry with a woman before. "Don't worry, soon as we get back to base, I'll be out of your hair. Hell, maybe it's time I go pay off Jabba. I've stuck around here long enough."

Her face went white, and Han couldn't imagine what she might be thinking. "Fine." Her voice was a lethal whisper, colder than he had ever heard it. "I don't know why you've stayed this long."

"My point exactly."

She aimed one last glare at him, then turned and stomped out of sight. As he watched her go, Han heard Chewie let out a loud cry of victory and felt the ship shudder slightly as it jumped into hyperspace.

He held his side, wincing more from the stinging argument than the pain.

The quiet drone of the Falcon's engines usually lulled Leia into a peaceful slumber. It was the only place where she slept soundly. But this night cycle she found she could not sleep. She lay in the bunk, eyes wide open. It didn't help that she was staying in _his_ cabin. She couldn't seem to stop thinking of him, or of the harsh words they had exchanged earlier.

She hadn't meant for things to get so out of control. When she had seen the datacard, her desperate fear had been replaced by an uncontrollable fury. She wanted to believe that her anger stemmed from the fact that he strayed from the mission, made his own rules. But she had to be honest with herself. The fact that he had needlessly put himself at such risk frightened her deeply. What if he had been killed? That possibility had terrified her beyond reason. And when she realized that he had risked himself simply for some information that was not even vital to the mission, she had snapped, lashing out at him with an anger that was directed more towards herself than at him.

She _hated_ what he made her feel. She was beginning to realize that her feelings for him were desperately strong. Stronger than she would have thought possible. Those moments, those heartbreaking moments when she'd thought he might not make it back to them, had been too painful to bare.

She wondered if he meant what he had said about leaving. Maybe it would be for the best. Maybe if she got away from him, she could forget these horrible feelings of vulnerability. She wanted to stop feeling altogether. She had been able to do that before, to shut off her emotions and simply exist, letting nothing reach her. But Han had disrupted that. He had taken her galaxy and turned it end over end, shaking it up and leaving it all jumbled and confused.

She could barely remember what she said to him. Of course, _his words _were emblazoned on her mind. She felt as if they would never stop echoing in her ears.

_Hell, maybe it's time I go pay off Jabba. I've stuck around here long enough._

Those words were most prominent in her mind. She didn't want him to leave. More than anything, she didn't want that. She just wanted things to be easier...calmer. She didn't want to feel so unsettled with him. During their moments of friendship and camaraderie, she felt almost happy, a feeling that was generally lacking in her life since Alderaan. But sprinkled amidst those moments were the intense instants of breathless confusion. Those instants were almost overwhelming. She simply could not handle them.

With a restless sigh, Leia left the bunk. Perhaps some time gazing at the stars would relax her. She turned on the illuminators and checked the chrono. At this late hour, the only one in the cockpit would be Threepio, and he could be easily dismissed. She didn't want to see anyone, she just wanted to be alone.

She padded through the ship on bare feet, almost enjoying the cold sensation of the deck. The discomfort was distracting. When she reached the doorway leading into the cockpit, she saw that she was not the only human awake after all.

Her heart jumped slightly at the sight of Han seated in his pilot's chair, leaning back with a pensive expression on his handsome face. Indecision churned in the pit of her stomach. A part of her wanted to run away, as fast as her legs would carry her. Another part wanted to make up with him more than anything. She stood in the hatchway, torn between two possibilities that seemed equally terrifying.

The entire situation with Leia was making Han crazy. He watched the stars stream by as he allowed the beautiful young woman to monopolize his thoughts. He didn't understand her. For that matter, he didn't understand himself either. Why had it been so important for him to get that data? He wasn't sure. Yes, he wanted to please her...but why?

He hadn't pleased her at all. He couldn't figure it out. Damn, she was the most confusing woman. He shook his head regretfully. He wondered if she would ever speak to him again. He had said some pretty horrible things. _I can't believe I called her an Ice Bitch. Gods._ He shook his head regretfully.

Of course, her words had been equally hurtful. And what was with that comment about Bria? Han wasn't sure. But it had brought him back to the painful truth: He was involved with Bria. And yet he thought about Leia more than he knew he should.

It was insane, and he knew it. A Princess and a guy like him? He was out of his mind to even consider the thought for a moment. Besides, there was Bria to consider. Bria...

He wasn't entirely sure what he shared with Bria anymore. Between their individual missions and her deep involvement with Alliance activities, they spent very little time together. Of course, Leia was just as embedded in the Alliance, and yet she spent plenty of time with him. He did love Bria. He had loved her for so long that it just seemed right to be with her. But sometimes he wondered how important he really was to her. She seemed to put most everything before him. That was why Han spent so much time with Leia and Luke. And when he really thought about it, he enjoyed spending time with his friends. He looked forward to it. When was the last time he had looked forward, with genuine excitement, to spending time with Bria? It felt almost like an obligation these days.

A soft sound from the cockpit entrance caused Han's hand to move reflexively to the blaster slung low on his hip, a reflexive response. He looked up to see Leia, soft and feminine in a long, white sleepgown. His hand returned to his lap, as he watched her sit gracefully on the edge of Chewie's large chair.

In a quietly amused voice she said, "I know you're mad, but you don't have to shoot me."

He met her eyes and relaxed slightly at her teasing tone. They both smiled tentatively. He felt a sudden tightness in his chest but wasn't sure why.

They both began to speak at once, half a word tumbling from each of their mouths. They shared a quiet laugh before Leia glanced away shyly.

"You go first, Princess," Han said softly.

Her eyes returned to him and she shifted uncomfortably in the huge chair. She was silent for a long moment, and Han could almost see her organizing her thoughts.

"I'm sorry," she finally said in one breath. "I didn't mean what I said. I didn't mean any of it." She looked down, clasping her hands in her lap.

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean what I said either." He watched her carefully. She still looked almost...tortured. Seeking to elicit a laugh, a smile, anything other than this misery in her eyes, he added, "Except the Ice Bitch thing. I was serious about that." Her head snapped up and he grinned at her with sparkling eyes to show that he was teasing. She returned his smile, alleviating her of that disturbing sadness.

He leaned forward and took both her hands in his. Her face was only several inches from his now, and in the muted lighting, with her long, dark hair loose and flowing around her shoulders, she looked lovely...enticing. Like so many times before, he felt his body telling him he wanted her. He knew he shouldn't be feeling this way, but her nearness was intoxicating, addictive.

She sat up a little straighter, putting some space between them, breaking the spell she had captured him in. "What you did...getting that data...that was a very selfless thing you did."

"It was nothing."

"No, it wasn't nothing. And I shouldn't have reacted the way I did."

He could hardly disagree, so he said nothing, just continued to hold her hands in his.

"The Alliance thanks you." She smiled affectionately.

The Alliance. She thought he did it solely for the Alliance. Well, why would she think otherwise?

She sat back, forcing him to drop her hands. Averting her eyes, she said quietly, "I'm sure Bria will be proud of you."

Han blinked. How was it that when he was with Leia, he almost never thought of Bria? And why did Leia keep bringing her into this? "Yeah. I guess." He shrugged.

"Are you really going to leave when we get back to the base?"

He could see how much the question cost her. It made his heart soar to see the hopeful look that lit her eyes. "Nah. Like I said, I didn't mean any of that."

A relieved smile appeared, warming her features with a beauty that took his breath away. She stood suddenly and moved towards the doorway, turning to look at Han before she left. She rubbed at her neck with a pained expression. "I think I can sleep now." She smiled at him more warmly, only a hint of discomfort remaining.

Han stood too, joining her in the archway. He watched as she massaged her neck with small, nimble fingers. Without a word, he placed his hands on her shoulders and began kneading the muscles. He saw the way she tensed at his touch, but she did not move away. He towered over her, suddenly finding her small stature endearing.

She stared up at him with an expression full of longing. It made a pleasant flush course through his body, warming him on the inside. His hands continued to knead the tension from her form, slowly travelling from her shoulders to her neck. She tilted her face up to him, and his eyes were drawn to her lips. He felt himself being pulled into the surreal moment, and slowly lowered his face to hers until there was barely a space left between them. She didn't move away, yet still did not encourage him. But her eyes...her eyes seemed to beckon him, and her lips were irresistible as he closed the last breath between them to brush his lips softly against hers. He slipped his hands from her neck, down her shoulders, to caress her back. He felt her entire body tremble beneath his touch, and it moved him in a way that shocked him. He kissed her gently, tenderly, taking his time to savor the softness of her lips, the sweetness of her breath. It felt so right, it felt like the galaxy standing still just for them. He had never imagined that a kiss could complete him this way, making him feel so blissfully content.

He opened his eyes to see her lids closed in a dreamy, faraway look that simply melted him. He let his eyes fall shut and pulled her against him, desperation suddenly eating at his soul. But his mouth remained gentle as he slowly parted her lips and stroked her tongue with his own, soft and searching. For the briefest of moments, she responded, her mouth coming alive beneath his, warm, open, embracing his touch.

In a heartbeat, disappointment clutched him as he felt her mouth withdrawing from his. "Please don't do this to me," she breathed against his lips.

He barely heard her, but the words sunk his heart. She sounded so utterly terrified. He didn't understand. He could _feel_ how much she wanted him. It was in her eyes, her kiss, her touch. It coursed through her tremulous body, flowing from her, into him, joining with his desire to become one single emotion.

But the last thing he wanted was to cause this strong, beautiful woman more pain than she had already suffered. So, he pulled back, dropped his hands from her body and, with a supremely painful effort, breathed a ragged sigh, attempting to release his pent-up frustration and desire. It didn't work.

But he looked at her. Really looked at her, saw her closed eyes, her trembling body, the fear etched in her face beneath the longing. He wasn't sure what scared her so much. But he couldn't stand to see her hurting. Impulsively, he bent his forehead to rest against hers and closed his eyes.

"Leia," he whispered in agony.

"I can't do this." She shook her head slowly, eyes still clenched shut.

Her hands were on his biceps now. He couldn't tell if she was holding him at bay or keeping him in her grasp. He backed away from her to take her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him with large eyes filled with fear.

"I'm with Wesley," she whispered unconvincingly, eyes now open but not looking at him.

He shook his head slowly. "You're with Wesley. But you're still alone."

Tears sprang to her eyes. "And you're with Bria."

That doused his desire like a splash of cold water. He hadn't been thinking of Bria. Not at all. He knew there was nothing he could say in response to that.

She swallowed hard and stepped away from him, bracing herself with one hand against the bulkhead.

He bowed his head, staring at the deck. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head quickly. "No. It was a mistake, that's all."

Her words cut through him like a vibroblade. How could anything that felt so _right_ possibly be a mistake?

"I'd better go to bed." She didn't look at him, but Han heard the deep breath she expelled, proving how affected she was.

His heart wrenched at the sight of her. She turned from him and rushed from the cockpit without a backwards glance.

Han felt as if his breath left with her. He dropped into his seat and buried his head in his hands. Whatever had just happened between them, it was overpowering. That kiss had left him dizzy. He wanted to go after her. He wanted to tell her how much he wanted her, that he would give up _anything_ just to be with her. Anything and everything.

_What about Bria? _ Han sat up and stared out the viewport. At the moment, his relationship with Bria seemed distant and vague. He knew he had wronged Bria by kissing Leia. Part of him felt horribly guilty. But another part of him felt so strongly drawn to the Princess that nothing else mattered. Not promises, not declarations of love. Nothing.

_It doesn't matter. She pushed me away. She doesn't want this._

But he couldn't truly believe it. He had felt her response to him. Obviously, she did want it. But something held her back. Wesley? He hoped not. Bria? Maybe.

He could still taste her lips, could still feel the softness of her body against his. The sensations tormented him. Images ran through his mind: kissing her till she could no longer think to protest; kissing her neck, running his mouth along her body; pulling the sleepgown over her head, her body flushed with desire…

He closed his eyes in an attempt to still the images. His hands shook with barely controlled emotion.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. "I'm in hell," he muttered softly to himself.


	10. Chapter 10: Succumb

I always loved the picture I get in my head during this next scene: han is the pool. hope you enjoy!

A sprinkling of water fell across Leia's bare legs. She had pulled up the bottom of her dress to her knees, in order to enjoy the warmth of the sun. Of course, Han saw this as a perfect opportunity to splash her from his position in the vortex pool. She looked over at him and scowled.

"Come on, Your Worship. This would be a perfect opportunity to _relax." _

She tried desperately not to notice the way his hair looked, slicked back against his head, the moisture that collected on his bare chest, the glimmer in his eyes as he grinned at her boyishly.

The large, luxurious vortex pool was made of gray metalstone. It was divided into sections, and Han sat, arms stretched out across the back of the pool wall, in the section nearest to Leia.

"I'm busy," she muttered, returning her gaze to the datapad in her hand. She was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the finances of the Rebel Alliance that she was preparing to present to King Birinsi.

"Yeah, right," Han said under his breath, but just loud enough for Leia to make out.

She shot him a cold glare, then returned to the datapad. She heard the sound of the water splashing and couldn't help but look up to see Han's lean form swimming in long, graceful strokes across the pool, against the mild current. She watched him for a long moment, admiring the strength of his body, until a nearby voice broke through her thoughts.

"What are you doing, big sister?"

Leia looked up to find Princess Tellesia smiling at her. "Telly! I've barely seen you since I've been here. Please, come sit with me."

Telly sat in the chair facing Leia, legs crossed in front of her.

"How have you been?" Leia asked.

"I've been fine. More importantly, how have _you _been?" The young Princess asked intently.

Leia glanced away. "Oh, I've been all right."

`"How is that possible? I mean, I know you can handle anything..."

Leia looked up at Telly's teasing tone, found her smiling softly.

"But seriously. I can't imagine what it must have been like."

Leia found her eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, Leia, I'm so sorry..." Telly leaned over and hugged Leia to her.

Leia silently berated herself for losing control so easily. She had a feeling it was caused by the pure, raw emotion Han had been causing to surface within her since they had arrived on Rallorin. She took a shaky breath and pulled away from Telly's embrace.

"I'm okay. Really," she said, as she wiped away a stray tear that had slipped down her cheek.

Telly smiled. "Let's talk about something a tad more cheerful." Her eyes wandered to the pool. "What is your companion's name?"

"Captain Han Solo."

"He's very handsome."

"He certainly thinks so." Leia picked up her water glass from the table beside her and took a sip.

Telly laughed. "He's your lover, correct?"

Leia coughed, almost choking on the water. "No, no, it's nothing like that," she spluttered. She returned the glass to the table, her cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. She turned back to Telly. "What would make you ask such a thing?"

"You can tell me the truth, Sister." She grinned. "I've seen the way the two of you look at each other. It's written in both your eyes."

Leia's gaze was drawn to where Han was swimming back in their direction. Eyes set firmly on him, she told Telly, "Seriously, he's not my lover."

She leaned closer to Leia and dropped her voice to a whisper. "He obviously adores you."

Leia's eyes snapped back to her friend. "Why do you think that?" _I don't sound _too _hopeful, do I?_

"It's obvious."

Leia wasn't so certain about that.

Telly continued before Leia could form a response. "Don't be embarrassed about having an affair with someone who is beneath you. I'm having an affair with our speeder attendant. He's gorgeous!"

Leia never thought of Han as being beneath her, and she wasn't sure that she liked her friend implying that he was. "I never said Han was beneath me," she said defensively.

Telly's hairless brow rose.

Leia groaned inwardly at how bad _that_ sounded. "But nothing is going on between us," she added quickly. "He's just a good friend." She looked away from her friend.

Telly just grinned. "If you say so, Sister."

Leia had reluctantly allowed Han to lure her out for a meal outing. He had somehow appropriated a meal basket from the private kitchen, and was returning them to the secluded area with the fountain that they had discovered their first day on Rallorin. The midday sun beat down upon them, bathing them in a warm glow as Han emptied the contents of the basket.

She refused to admit how sweet she found his gesture. _It's my mission in life to teach you how to relax, Your Worship,_ he had said. She smiled in memory.

Han was surprisingly quiet as they ate on the blanket he had spread out beneath them. When they finished their meal, Leia went to sit on the bench, where she had a better view of the rock fountain. For several minutes, Han remained where he was, on the blanket. Then he came over to the bench and sat next to her, unexpectedly swinging his body around to lie with his head in her lap, body sprawled awkwardly across the length of the bench. He didn't say a word, only closed his eyes and rested there.

If he had said something, anything at all, Leia would have forced him up immediately. But something about the way he looked with his eyes lightly closed, his expression serene, made her allow him to stay where he was. A feeling of unreality settled over her, and she found her hand straying to his hair, stroking it with a gentle, feathery touch that brought a soft smile to his lips. His eyes remained closed, letting her study his features unobserved.

She really liked his face. She liked the curve of his lashes; the slight crookedness of his nose; the fullness of his lips, which she knew, from the briefest of kisses, were surprisingly soft. And she liked that sexy scar on his chin. He was...a beautiful man. She had never before thought of a man as _beautiful_, but that was the word that came to mind when she looked at the way his imperfect features came together. Her fingers continued to stroke the hair back from his forehead.

"Han," she found herself whispering.

"Mmm?" His face was a portrait of contentment.

"Tell me what happened at Ylesia."

His features tensed for a moment, then relaxed again. He didn't speak for a long moment, and Leia thought, without surprise, that he would not answer. She knew something painful had happened there, but he had never discussed it before.

He sighed and began speaking, eyes still closed. "I banded together a whole bunch of smugglers. But you know that." Before he continued, his hand found her free one, where it rested on his chest, and he held it tightly. Her tender caress of his hair did not cease.

"So," he continued, his voice sounding dead to her ears. "We get there, and we do what we're supposed to do. I was working with Bria, and Chewie of course." He paused. "So, after the fighting is over, the Rebels arrive, and start taking all the stuff in the little museum they had going there. Plus, all the spice. Meanwhile, I had promised a cut to all the smugglers. After everything they risked, they had nothing to show for it."

Leia could hear the pain and regret in his voice.

"Here's the best part: Bria knew all along. She knew they were gonna get screwed out of what they were owed. But she let them risk everything anyway. She didn't even tell _me._ She didn't even tell me what was going on. She let me just believe, the whole time, that we were all going to get our fair cut." His eyebrows were drawn together in an expression of hurt and anger. "It wasn't even the money so much. It was the way she just lied to me. That hurt like hell."

She didn't know what to say. Seeing Han Solo so vulnerable cut her to the quick.

"I lost a lot of friends that day. They all thought I knew about it. That I was a part of it. When I never knew anything."

She wanted to ask a million questions. How had he forgiven her? Why was he still with her? How could he still love her? Instead, she found herself bending over him, pressing her lips tenderly to his forehead. His eyes popped open in surprise, and when Leia withdrew, his eyes held her captive in their warm, lingering embrace. The feelings that had been brimming to the surface now threatened to overwhelm her. She felt strangely protective of him all of a sudden. She wanted to go to Bria Tharen and scream at her for what she did to Han. How could she possibly put him in that position?

Lost in his eyes, all thoughts of Bria fled her. A steady ache settled in her heart, inciting that familiar, unnerving vulnerability. Uncharacteristically, it did not make her want to run. Instead, she sat where she was, hand buried in Han's hair, eyes locked on his. Time stopped, and neither one of them moved.

After an eternity, Han let go of her hand and sat up slowly, eyes never leaving hers. He cupped her cheek in his hand, and she returned his unwavering gaze. His mouth opened to speak, then closed again. He averted his gaze, dropped his hand from her face, then sighed deeply. After a long moment, he stood and began tossing the meal items back in the basket. Without a word, he picked up the basket. He came back to the bench, took Leia's hand and began to lead her back to the Palace.

Confused beyond words, Leia didn't allow him to see the tears that sprang to her eyes.

Han twisted between the sheets of his bed, unable to still the longing in his heart. Thinking of Leia in the next room, lying in her own bed, was threatening to drive him mad.

That afternoon, sitting with her on the bench, he had seen more in her eyes than ever before. And it had frightened him. It had brought him right to the reality of the situation. She was no simple conquest to him. This was serious. If he threw caution to the wind, allowed them to both surrender to this, there would be no turning back. He would be in this with his whole heart.

He wasn't sure he could handle this, now that it was upon him, no longer a simple, teasing game. It would mean changing everything, including his priorities. She was undeniably tied to the Rebellion. If he were to be with her, he would have to share that.

And there was Jabba to consider. He was going to _have _to pay Jabba back, and soon. Which meant he would have to leave her. He knew that would not be such an easy thing to do. She was consuming him, with those dark, deep eyes, the sound of her laugh, her gentle touch. She was drawing him in, making him never want to leave her. The strength of those feelings stunned him.

He had never imagined he could feel like this about anyone. He had thought he loved Bria, but that paled in comparison to what he felt for Leia. He wanted her; he wanted her dreams, her thoughts; he wanted her lying in his arms, blissfully content; he wanted to show her that she could trust him, that he would always stand beside her.

He was going mad. He simply_ had _to take this risk. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone, anything. He needed to feel what she made him feel.

She was everything to him. He could no longer deny it.

He was almost certain she felt this as strongly as he did. And if he was frightened, she was shaken to the core. But he was going to force her to let go of her fears. He had to.

Leia rolled restlessly to her side, unable to get comfortable in the large, lonely bed. She couldn't get that moment on the bench with Han out of her mind. For just a minute, she hadn't cared about all the problems between them. It hadn't mattered. And she'd known that if he kissed her then, she couldn't possibly have stopped him.

But he hadn't kissed her. He had stepped away. Leaving Leia more baffled than ever.

_It's probably for the best. I'm glad nothing happened. I can't allow him that near again. I won't let myself feel that vulnerable again._

She sat up in the bed, swinging her legs over the side and sliding down to the floor. As she poised to walk to the kitchen area for a drink, the door to Han's room swooshed open. She froze.

"Leia?" His voice was a whispered plea, touching her to the core of her being.

_No, please. Not now. I don't think I'm strong enough right now._ She didn't answer, only stood there, transfixed by him. She watched as he came closer, and she felt her entire body beginning to tremble.

He was before her then, his hands on her shoulders, his face painfully near hers. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed.

"Don't be afraid," he whispered softly.

She felt his breath against her lips, felt her own breathing quicken at the sensation. The warmth of his fingers as they slid down her back made her weaker with each passing moment.

He sighed deeply, bending his head to bring his cheek to rest against hers, allowing her to become accustomed to this suggestion of intimacy. His breath now at her ear drew an involuntary shiver from her, causing him to pull her closer within his powerful arms.

"I would never hurt you, Princess," he whispered low in her ear.

_You already have. This hurts more than I ever thought possible. _Aloud, she was unable to form words.

Soft, feathery kisses near her ear, across her cheek, at the corner of her mouth. She couldn't breathe. Her lips fell open in undeniable anticipation. A stray thought of protest rose to her lips, barely audible.

"This is wrong," she breathed.

"No... it's the only thing that's right," he sighed against her lips.

And then his mouth was brushing gently against hers, soft, warm, more beautiful than she had imagined. She couldn't move, could only stand there, lost in the sweet sensations washing though her. For an endless time, his lips continued their tender caress, and eventually Leia was swept up in the kiss, her own lips beginning to dance beneath his. Her awareness of the galaxy around them had disappeared entirely, as her hands came up to gently rest on his bare shoulders. She felt him sigh silently at the contact of her hands on his warm skin.

He kissed her forever and they both reveled in the union of their mouths. Leia's heart filled with tears at the gentle beauty of the moment. She could almost feel the same emotions coming off Han in quiet waves.

She was barely aware of how she arrived on the bed, how their clothes ended up on the floor nearby.

His mouth on her mouth, on her body, inflamed her senses and touched her soul in a way that left her weak and helpless. The sensation of his body against hers, within her, was an experience of such exquisite beauty, such radiant perfection, she would never have believed it possible. She lost herself completely to his touch, to the deep, raw feelings he stirred in her, as their low moans of pleasure mingled in a sensual duet. Leia felt as if their souls merged as their bodies expressed emotions too deep for words.

"Look at me, Leia," his voice whispered huskily. Her eyes opened of their own accord, finding his instantly, two dark, hazel flames, burning into her own. The expression there, the emotions laid bare to her, mirrored her own exactly.

Fierce desire. Vulnerability. _Love._ She could see it; she could almost feel it.

His hands moved to her head, stroking the disheveled hair away from her face as he made love to her, slowly, as if they had all the time in the galaxy. His eyes intently into hers. "I love you, Leia," he whispered in a voice choked with emotion.

The tears were instantaneous. She blinked them back as she held his unwavering stare. Her throat was too tight to allow a response, so she kissed him instead, her mouth passionate and loving, saying the things her voice could not.

"I love you," he breathed over and over into her mouth.

When waves of unbearable pleasure finally claimed them, they clutched each other tightly, the intimacy and sheer adoration of the experience that was too profound for words.


	11. Chapter 11: Afterglow and Afterthought

I still have a lot going on but I am trying to keep up with editing and posting as best I can. Real life is a b**** ;)

Han Solo had never dreamed that such a feeling of peaceful contentedness existed. He held Leia in his arms, one hand stroking her hair, a tender feeling of love pervading his soul.

His Leia. His beautiful Princess. Making love to her, with her, had been so much more than the simple, pleasurable act had ever meant to him before. With every kiss, every caress, he could _feel _himself loving her. Telling her, without the words, through his mere touch, what he felt deep in his heart.

And when he'd spoken the words, actually said them aloud, he'd meant it more than he could ever have imagined. He'd had no plan of telling her that he loved her, but at that moment he had felt it, so strongly, with such genuine sincerity, he couldn't _not _tell her.

She hadn't said the words back to him. But he knew she felt it. He had seen it in her eyes. The tears that had gathered in reaction to his declaration had been proof enough. If she was still scared, if she still needed time to come to terms with it, he would allow her that. He wouldn't push her; he wouldn't pressure her. All that mattered was that they were together now. That was all he would expect from her.

Needing to look at her, he rolled slightly away, meeting her sleepy, contented gaze. He brushed a lazy finger across her cheek and smiled. "You're so beautiful, Princess," he whispered, saying it more because it was the simple truth than because he felt she needed to hear it. His fingertip grazed her lips and she kissed it softly.

"You're not so bad to look at yourself," she said in a soft, slightly tremulous voice.

He moved over her, rolling her to her back and placing his hands behind her head. He stared into her eyes for an endless moment, until she broke the contact, looking down at his shoulder to trace circular patterns there with one finger. "Leia?"

The sound of his voice brought her eyes back to his. She looked at him questioningly.

He moved one hand from behind her head to brush his fingers across her chin. Even in the easiest of circumstances, he had trouble expressing himself. Moments like these were nearly impossible. "You're okay with this, right?" He cringed inwardly. "I mean, what happened, with us..." He let out a harsh, frustrated breath. "You don't regret it or anything...do you?" He had no idea what he would do if she said that she did.

Her gaze fell away from him again, and a suspicious moisture filled the corners of her eyes.

_No, don't say it was a mistake. Please, not this time,_ Han's mind begged silently.

"No," she said in a voice so low that Han saw the movement of her lips more than he heard the word.

It was all Han needed to hear. He pulled her into a tight embrace, clutching her to him desperately, as if he were afraid she might suddenly disappear. "I love you," he whispered fiercely into her hair, eyes closed against the sweeping emotion that always seemed to carry him away in Leia's presence. "I think I loved you the first time I saw you," he admitted.

He felt Leia's hands holding fast to his shoulders, her face buried against his neck. She remained silent, but he could feel the trembling in her small form.

He rolled to his back, taking her with him to lie atop his body. He lovingly stroked the smoothness of her back. "You don't have to say anything, Princess," he whispered. "Not until you're ready."

They lay like that for a long time, sleep finally claiming him. He never saw the quiet tears that slipped down Leia's cheeks.

Leia Organa awoke to find Han's body tangled with hers, his arms and legs wrapped about her in a secure, comforting embrace. In a barely conscious haze, she reveled in the feelings his closeness imbued. His bare skin against hers was so warm, so blissful. A burst of pure joy flooded her, bringing with it those damnable tears again that seemed to overtake her at the very thought of Han. She closed her eyes, willing the tears to still.

This could not last. She knew that. But while she had this, this special moment in time to call their own, she decided to cherish it, guard it close to her heart. She knew instinctively that she would never feel this way again, not for anyone. She had never imagined that such a powerful feeling even existed.

She loved him. She knew that now. How had she not seen it before?

But she couldn't tell him. If she told him, if he knew for certain, it would make it all the more difficult for her when he had to go. She couldn't fool herself into believing he might come back to her. His spirit craved freedom. Yes, he had said he loved her. Perhaps he did. Or perhaps he only thought he did, having finally caught her in this chase that had been going on for so long.

_I think too much. I need this right now. I haven't been this alive in too long. _

She was going to concentrate on today, just this once. Tomorrow would take care of itself.

She opened her eyes to admire Han's well-loved features. She recalled how many times he had put his face this close to hers and she had panicked. Now, she couldn't imagine anything she wanted more than his closeness.

With the gentlest of fingers, she traced a slow line across his temple, down the smoothness of his cheek, then along the firmness of his jawline to that charismatic scar that graced his chin. He appeared so different now, his eyes softly closed, lips parted in sleep, dark hair tousled. He looked boyish, almost innocent. _That_ thought brought a smile to her lips. Han Solo the Innocent he was not. She laughed softly, and Han stirred, his eyes blinking slowly open. His expression was confused, until his eyes came to rest on Leia. Then a broad grin creeped slowly across his face. He brought his arms more fully around her, nuzzling her neck.

"Mornin', Sweetheart," he said in a low, seductive tone that sent a shiver down her spine.

Swept up in his powerful embrace, Leia said nothing, only concentrated on how he made her feel. It was decidedly more than she would have imagined. Her hand brushed the hair at the nape of his neck, tickling gently.

At last he pulled back to look at her, his expression one of wonder.

"What?" she asked.

He let his eyes drift over her eyes, mouth, hair, before answering in an awestruck voice. "I just can't believe last night was real." He settled his gaze on her eyes.

Again, that tightness in her throat, stealing her voice.

He seemed to sense that she was overwhelmed, suddenly changing the topic. "Did you sleep all right?"

She nodded, trying to regain her composure. "I could tell you did."

He grinned. "Yeah. I don't think I've ever slept so good." He ran a hand down her back, over her hip, to rest in a gentle caress at the back of her thigh. She tried to suppress a shiver, uncertain if she liked this intoxicating power he had over her. "You cold?" he asked knowingly.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Maybe a little."

"Well, " he pulled her closer. "I'm sure there's something I can do about _that_." His mouth claimed hers, kissing, long and deep, rendering her breathless and incoherent. She could think of nothing more perfect than his lips against hers, his tongue teasing hers. When his mouth moved from her, both were breathing in harsh, shallow breaths. "Any warmer?" he rasped.

"Just a little," she teased softly.

"Hm." He frowned in mock concentration. "I guess I'll have to give it another shot. Whaddaya think?"

"I suppose it's worth a try." Her eyes sparkled with adoring amusement.

Kissing her more fervently now, he pulled her closer, pressing her as tightly to him as he was able to. Her heart began to race as his hips ground insistently against her own. He ravished her mouth thoroughly, breaking through any last vestiges of teasing resistance.

His mouth tasted every part of her, moving down her body with ardent enthusiasm. "Love you, Princess," he murmured into the softness of her stomach. Her hands buried in his hair, soft cries of delight escaping her.

The caress of his hands, the heat of his mouth, left her gasping, head thrown back against the pillow, her voice whispering his name.

His mouth was at her own again and Leia felt his as if his whole soul joined with hers as their bodies united to become one surging emotion, one blinding explosion that left them both weak and trembling.

Shaken by a fear of loss, Leia was dimly aware of the tears that had pooled on her closed lashes. She was overwhelmed with the urge to hold him and never let him go. The thought this was not possible came to mind, instilling with it a deep sense of helplessness.

She swallowed back her sorrow, clutching tightly to Han's shoulders, unwilling to allow him to see how deeply she was affected. One hand moved to stroke the sweat-dampened hair from his brow, delighting in the intimacy of that caress, knowing there would come a day when she would no longer have this luxury.

Han's breathing was beginning to calm, and he whispered into her neck, "Wow, that just keeps getting better an' better." He sighed with deep contentment.

She laughed weakly. They held each other for countless minutes, stroking arms, shoulders, hair. Eventually he drew himself back to look at her, noting the dampness of her lashes.

"Sweetheart," he said with mild concern. "Should I be worried that my touch seems to make you cry?"

She could see that he was only half teasing. Embarrassed, she glanced away shyly. "No, I'm fine. No need to worry."

He gathered her closer, smiling affectionately. "Don't get me wrong...I'm flattered."  
That only bought him a withering glare.

He grinned at her reaction, bringing up a hand to gently wipe at her damp lashes. His expression grew slightly fearful. "Seriously, though, Leia. Is it anything I did?"

Concern flooded her. "No!" she answered quickly. "Of course not. Why would you think such a thing?"

"Well, Leia," he said wryly. "Crying isn't quite the reaction I'm looking for when I make love to you."

She blushed delicately, drawing a brief, soft smile from the Corellian. The smile faded quickly.

"I'm not hurting you somehow, am I?"

She laid a hand tenderly across his cheek. "Han, you haven't hurt me and you haven't done anything wrong. I promise you."

He appeared unconvinced. "Last night...when I asked if you thought this was a mistake-"

Her finger against his lips stayed that thought. "I meant what I said last night. I don't think this was a mistake."

"Well..." His expression remained uncertain. "If you're sure..."

"I'm sure." She couldn't tell him what caused the overwhelming sorrow that had gripped her heart from the moment he first touched her. There was no describing it. And she didn't want to ruin what they had right now, it was too perfect. Distracting him entirely, she kissed his mouth sweetly, lovingly, losing herself in it utterly.

When they parted, Han grinned, all concerns apparently forgotten. He rolled from the bed suddenly, scooped her up in his arms and carried her in the direction of the 'fresher.

"C'mon, Your Highnessness. We haven't made proper use of the shower yet." He gave Leia a quick kiss as they disappeared through the door of the refresher.


	12. Chapter 12: Polar Opposites

Looks like Han and Leia are not on the same wavelength...

Leia looked up from the datapad where she was preparing her proposal for King Birinsi, and found Han, bare arms leaning on the edge of the vortex pool. He was smiling invitingly.

"C'mon, Your Worship," he grinned. "Come in the pool."

She shook her head, smiling at him. "I have to finish this, Han."

"Aw, c'mon. The water's perfect," he called. "Not too cold, not too warm...it's ni-iice," he said in a sing-song voice.

She found herself smiling in spite of herself. "Sorry."

He sighed, mock serious. "I see I haven't done my job."

"What?"

"I haven't taught you how to relax properly yet."

With a mischievous glint in her eye, Leia replied, "I thought I did a fine job of relaxing last night. And earlier this morning." She raised a playful eyebrow.

Han laughed loudly. "I guess I can't deny that." He swam backwards a moment, then stopped. "Ya know, I could just come over there and drag you in. Clothes and all."

She sighed. "Yes, I suppose you could. Then again, I could always sleep alone tonight."

He seemed to consider this before responding. "Hmm. I don't think that would be fun for anyone."

She grinned. "No, probably not. So, you had best behave."

"Define 'behave', wouldya?"

"I think you can figure it out on your own. Despite your lack of intelligence."

He scowled, beneath a smirk. "You should know that what I may lack in formal education, I more than make up for in ingenuity...and skill."

She chuckled, unable to keep up her end of this game any longer. "Perhaps, Solo."

"Last chance, Princess," he enthused. "Before I swim away." He began that backwards stroke again, more slowly this time.

"It's not happening, Han."

"Okay, your loss," he said with a disappointed sigh. Then he was swimming away, off to another section of the huge pool.

She watched him for a moment as he swam away from her, and found herself feeling a strange sense of foreshadowing in his departure.

She was becoming too accustomed to this. It was so easy. It was all an illusion. Their surroundings were so similar to where she had lived on Alderaan. She could almost convince herself that Han and she could remain here forever, safely together. But in reality, this was not the case. In a few days' time, they would be on their way to rendezvous with the fleet, the actuality of their situation intruding painfully.

When they returned, they would have to face Wesley...and Bria. She sighed. She hadn't allowed herself to think of either of them since the night she succumbed to this unavoidable affair.

What was Han planning to do about Bria? Leia hadn't a clue. If he truly loved Leia, it only made sense that he would end things with Bria.

As far as Wesley was concerned, it was already over. Not because of some undying loyalty to Han, but because she honestly could not imagine being with him again. He had been a good friend, getting her through many rough times in the aftermath of Alderaan, but she probably never should have gotten romantically involved with him to begin with.

Her eyes and thoughts returned to Han, who's head she could just barely make out over the rocks separating the other area of the pool. She wasn't sure how to handle him. At the moment, she was caught up in the spell of escapism, denying the future. She didn't know which would be more difficult, continuing their relationship when they returned to the Alliance, or ending it abruptly.

The longer it went on, the harder it would be to let go of. She was painfully aware of that. Already, in the short time they had been intimate, she didn't want to live without him.

_All right, _she admitted to herself, _I was terrified of losing him even before we got together. _

And now...

Han chose just that moment to stand up on the rock wall just within her line of sight, wave and blow her a kiss. The casual affection of the gesture brought swift tears to her eyes, stinging with their intensity. She was glad he was too far away to see; she wasn't sure she could hide them this time.

What would he say if she begged him not to leave? The thought was ludicrous, on several levels. He had to go, whether he wanted to or not. He had to pay off the Huttese crime lord. His life was in danger every day he did not do it.

And the thought of begging a man not to leave her went against every fiber of her being. She was too proud for that.

So, here she was, stuck between a meteor and maul'wark. Here, on Rallorin, things were simple, light. Like a fantasy, unrelated to their known galaxy.

To continue it in the real galaxy, where she could only be irrevocably hurt, was insanity. Her life in recent years had been filled with almost nothing but pain. She desperately didn't want to suffer through more. It was far too late to escape this unscathed. But maybe she could cut her losses by taking control of the situation. If the decisions were hers alone, the outcome might seem slightly less bleak.

Somewhere deep down, Leia knew she was fooling herself. Whatever happened, this was going to be the most painful ordeal since Alderaan.

Han was swimming towards her, and Leia attempted to pull herself together, wrenching herself from her thoughts, putting on a cheerful façade. She'd had a lot of practice with that.

Han stood on the balcony of Leia's room, watching her as she talked with Telly in the gardens below. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but he adored watching her. The way her lips moved when she spoke, the gestures she made with her hands, her soft smile. She was simply breathtaking.

Something was bothering her though. She refused to talk about it, but Han couldn't help but see. The way she fell to tears every time they made love was unnerving. He didn't understand it. She tried to hide it, but Han knew her too well not to see the telltale signs.

He knew she had never felt this way before, this strong emotion that she had for him. She still hadn't admitted it to him, but it was as clear to him as the cloudless sky above. He wondered if she thought he couldn't see that she loved him. Did she think she was doing a good job of hiding it? The thought was almost laughable.

Whatever she was or wasn't telling herself, he knew that something troubled her. Either she was scared of the intensity of her feelings for him, which to his way of thinking wouldn't be a bad thing at all; or she was concerned about what would happen with Bria and Wesley when they got back to the fleet.

He knew what had to happen with Bria. He wanted Leia. Nothing else mattered. He hated the thought of telling Bria, of hurting her, but he would have to.

Then there was Wesley. He had no idea what Leia was going to do about him. He couldn't imagine she wouldn't end things with him. Obviously, Han meant more to her than Wesley ever had. He had seen them together. He had never thought that she loved him. She never even seemed comfortable with him. Maybe eventually he would get that story out of her.

On the other hand, maybe he didn't really want to know. He preferred to think of Leia as only _his. _Ridiculous, childish. He knew that. But he didn't like to think of her with anyone but him.

He watched as Leia and Telly headed down a path, out of sight. He continued to watch the spot where she had disappeared.

He had wondered how she would act outside of this room, in front of the Royal family and their humble servants. She had surprised him by holding his hand, kissing his cheek, paying him devoted attention. She didn't seem to care who saw them together. That simple fact touched him deeply. For so long, he had thought that she would never even consider being with a worthless smuggler.

He wandered back into the room, a small, slightly goofy smile touching the corners of his mouth. But it didn't matter who he was, who either of them was.

He sighed, startled at how loud it seemed in the stillness of the room. If only she would stop crying. It broke his heart to see it. Maybe when she became more comfortable with what she felt for him she would relax. And when they returned to the fleet, when everything was settled with Bria and Tobin, maybe that would help too. He didn't want to be the cause of tears for her. And he didn't like how her tears made him feel. He felt helpless, and Han _hated_ feeling helpless.

He hoped she returned soon. He missed her, every moment she wasn't with him. I

He had to admit he could understand being frightened by the emotions that seemed to overwhelm her. Hell, he was more experienced than her by far, and what they shared kind of scared the hell out of him. Who would have thought that Han Solo, tough Corellian smuggler, could be reduced to this, a love stricken fool, waiting impatiently for his woman to return.

He laughed quietly, shaking his head in bemusement.


	13. Chapter 13: Unlucky in Love

For those who thought that things might go wrong... ;)

Leia lay beside Han, watching him sleep, loving him more with every breath. It was early, but when she had returned triumphant from her meeting with King Birinsi, Han had suggested they "celebrate." She smiled softly, admiring him in the faint rays of yellow-orange twilight that streamed through the window. They had missed the evening meal, not that Leia cared. Everything she wanted was right here, in this room.

Almost reverently, she lay her head on his chest. Such contentment. Such peace. She would never have believed it. She could almost delude herself into thinking that all was right with the galaxy.

But it wasn't. Nothing was right. Even this, so perfect, so wonderful, wasn't "right." Because it would have to end. Soon.

Should she tell him before they left Rallorin? On the Falcon, during the return trip? Or should she wait until they had reached the fleet?

She didn't want to ruin their time here. Not that she thought Han would completely hold it against her. He, of all people, had to know this was the only path for them.

She would wait. Either she would tell him during the journey to the fleet, or she would tell him as soon as they got back.

The thought brought fresh tears. They welled in her throat, almost choking her. They stung her eyes and cascaded gently down her cheeks.

She couldn't allow Han to see her like this. She left the bed, his warmth, to don a soft robe, and went out to the balcony, staring out at the golden dimming of the sunset, not bothering to wipe away the streaming tears. They flowed freely, coursing down her face, dripping at her chin.

_What a mess I am. _Who would ever have thought that Han Solo could cause her to feel this way? Their first meeting on Toriddos came to mind, the way he swaggered down the ramp of the Millennium Falcon, brash and arrogant. The ache in her heart spread to her temples, throbbing through her mind, coursing with profound agony through all of her.

A sound from behind her, strong arms gripping her shoulders, spinning her around, and he was_ there. _Han was there, enfolding her in his arms.

"Sweetheart, _please. _Please tell me what's wrong." His voice was a tortured plea.

But she couldn't. She couldn't speak. She could only sob, in long, gasping breaths, against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling as if she would never let go, that if she held him there, he would never go away, they could remain like this forever.

A harsh sigh into her hair, a sound of deep frustration. "Leia, I love you, dammit. Tell me what's going on."

The words only caused the tears to intensify, her body shaking with the outpouring of emotion.

Han cursed in a whisper, pushing her back to look at her face. The open concern in his expression caused her a flash of remorse. This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid. She didn't want him to know how upset she was. It wouldn't make things any easier for him.

"Just hold me," she whispered in a choked, tremulous voice. And she flung herself into his arms.

For a moment, Han just stood there, hurt and dumbfounded. Why wouldn't she just _talk _to him? What could be so terrible that she couldn't discuss it with him? Didn't she known that they could face anything together? He was becoming angry. Was it that she didn't trust him? Was that why she wouldn't talk about it?

The sound of her soft sobs swept his anger away, replacing it with a maddening tenderness and a protectiveness he had never felt before. Before he knew what he was doing, his arms were around her again, his hands stroking her hair, his mouth forming quiet, comforting sounds. They stood like that a long time, as the sky grew darker. Finally, Han scooped her up and brought her back to the bed, laying her down carefully to stroke the hair away from her face. The tears had subsided, but she still looked grief-stricken. He looked into her eyes, hoping to find some clue there as to the cause of her misery. She stared back at him with heavy emotion, revealing nothing.

And suddenly she was ravenous for him, kissing him desperately, her mouth passionate and hungry for his.

She made love to him then, more dominant than before, not allowing him to be the one who brought about their arousal.

Their movements quickly grew fierce, tinged with a desperation that scared Han somehow. Her hands ran through his hair, clutching the back of his head, moving her body against his as if she couldn't get close enough, couldn't take him deep enough.

When they reached the final, blinding moment, his cheek pressed against hers, the moisture there causing tears of his own, mingling with hers, reaching deep down inside him to wrench a feeling so intense, so overpowering, his body trembled with hers.

They said nothing afterwards, and Han could hear her breathing grow shallow, felt her relax completely as she drifted into a deep sleep, exhausted from her emotional outburst.

What the hell was going on here? This was no simple concern about Bria or Wesley. And he didn't see how being not quite ready to deal with her feelings could _possibly_ drive her to such an extreme.

He would get it out of her. He had to. Whatever it was, he would give her the space she so obviously needed to deal with it. And then, when she was ready to talk to him about it, they would deal with it together.

He sighed, pulled her closer to him, and settled down to a troubled sleep.

Leia watched as Han bent low to the ground and picked a violuna from the flower bed at his feet. He stood and placed it in her hair, just over her ear.

She smiled up at him sweetly, pushing down the tears stirred by the tender gesture. She had resolved to hold herself together in his presence. Even more than she hated feeling so out of control, she couldn't stand to see that look of confused sadness in Han's eyes.

He smiled back softly, cupping her cheek in one hand and running a thumb across her lips. He bestowed a brief, sweet kiss on her mouth, then took her hand in his again and continued walking towards the benches and the rock fountain that they had come to refer to as "their spot." At the last moment, at a break in the path, Han angled her away from their spot, dragging her instead in another direction entirely, ignoring her glance of mild confusion.

Holding hands, they continued to walk in pleasant silence. The sun was warm and comforting, the aroma of the blooming flowers was delightful, and Han's hand in hers seemed perfect. Leia couldn't imagine a more wonderful afternoon.

As he led her onward along the path, Leia examined their surroundings, trying to recall if she had ever before been this deep within the gardens that covered most of the land the estate rested upon. The sound of flowing water reached her ears, and Leia had the sudden recollection of a stream that passed across the land. The childhood memory burst upon her, bringing with it the dull pain of loss.

They came out from amidst the shrubbery, to a white, wooden bridge that crossed the stream of her memories. She hadn't quite recalled how beautiful this particular spot was. The lattice of the bridge was covered in purple vines, with white flowers blooming from them. Han led Leia to the middle of the bridge, then stopped so they could look out over the water. She remembered, as a child, being barely able to see over the railing of the bridge while standing on her tiptoes. With wry amusement, she noted that the railing now came up to her chest.

Han's arms wrapped around her from behind, cradling her gently. It amazed her to think of the contrast he presented; so strong, yet so tender. He leaned over her to rest his cheek against hers. She rested into him, basking in his warmth. She brought her arms up and laced her fingers though his where they rested on each of her hips. He murmured a soft sound of contentment against her face, sighing deeply.

His voice rumbled quietly near her ear. "When we rendezvous with the fleet, I bet everyone's gonna be real surprised about us."

A fleeting tremor skittered through her insides.

"I can't wait to see Chewie's face," he continued.

_I should tell him now,_ she thought._ He's giving me the perfect opportunity._ She opened her mouth to speak.

_Han, we have to talk._

"Of course," he was saying, "He's gonna say 'I told you so.'"

_When we get back to the fleet, this can't continue._

_"_And the kid..."

_I know this seems perfect, but it will have to end sooner or later._

"Well." He laughed. "I hope he's not too disappointed."

_And it's easiest if we end it sooner._

"I'm sure the rumors'll be flying across the ship at lightspeed."

But the words did not reach her lips, and her mouth fell closed, leaving so much unspoken. Face settled into a grim mask, she hugged his arms to her, closing her eyes, trying to block out the swirling emotions. Trying not to feel.

Han sat in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, staring out at the nothingness that was hyperspace. But he really wasn't seeing it. His mind was centered, quite firmly, on the Princess.

He was worried about her. Since they had left Rallorin nine hours ago, amidst various teary-eyed goodbyes, she had been quiet and withdrawn. Fortunately, the crying had stopped. He hadn't seen a tear since that night on the balcony. But somehow, this distance between them was almost as bad.

Their lovemaking was still as intense as ever, he couldn't deny that. But he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong.

Maybe she was worried about their arrival at the fleet. He was certainly not looking forward to breaking things off with Bria, and he could imagine that Leia was having similar thoughts about Wesley.

He hoped she wasn't worried about what people would think. Sure, she had embraced him openly on Rallorin, but now they were about to return to their colleagues. Was she possibly embarrassed by their relationship? His brow furrowed in distress over that thought. Would she want them to continue this affair in secret? He couldn't do that. He didn't even want to think about how it would make him feel if she were ashamed of him.

He hoped fervently that things would be okay between them once they had taken care of their respective entanglements. Maybe that was all she needed, to relieve herself of that burden.

With a sigh, Han left the cockpit and returned to his cabin, where Leia was sleeping peacefully. He stood in the doorway for a minute, watching her sleep. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. She looked so tiny lying in his bunk, surrounded by a fan of dark hair. Moving silently, he shrugged off his clothes and climbed under the covers to lie beside her. He snuggled as close to her as he could manage, one arm wrapping around her slim waist, the other losing itself in those luxurious locks of hair.

Tomorrow they would arrive at the rendezvous point. Hopefully that would put an end to his worries.

They were only two hours from the rendezvous point, and Leia still had not decided how to tell Han. She knew she needed to get this done with now. She couldn't wait any longer. They were about to be thrown right back into the middle of reality.

Filled with dread, she entered the cockpit to find him making adjustments at the control panel, checking and rechecking readouts. He turned at the sound of her footsteps. She tried to ignore the way his face lit up at the sight of her.

"Hey, Sweetheart." He reached over and took her hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it softly.

A sharp pang twisted Leia's heart, but she bit back the reaction, steeling herself against what she knew she had to do. "Han, we need to talk."

He frowned. "Okay." He gestured to Chewie's chair, dropping her hand and sitting down in his own as she complied.

She saw the eagerness in his expression, and her resolve almost faltered. But she looked away for a moment and when her eyes returned to him, she was ready. "Han...you have to admit," she said softly, "this...us...it just isn't right."

She watched as several emotions passed over his face. Shock. Disbelief. Finally panic. "What?! How can you say that, Leia?"

She averted her eyes and shrugged. "It's true."

He reached forward, placing his hands firmly on her cheeks and bringing her head up, forcing her to look at him. "You don't mean that," he said with certainty.

"Yes, I do." But her voice was weak, even she could hear it.

He shook his head slowly. "Leia," he implored in a husky whisper. "Why are you saying this? What are you scared of?"

His insight, his certainty that he was right, annoyed her, and she allowed her anger to rise, holding to it tightly as her only defense. "I'm not scared of anything," she answered sharply.

"Then why were you crying so much on Rallorin?" he asked gently.

She had no response to that. "That's not important. The point is, we have nothing in common. We have no future." A slow, deep ache began to grip her heart as she offered the flimsy excuses that were the only ones she had.

His hands left her cheeks, and one moved to cup her chin. "Sweetheart, you can't really believe that. We've been through too much. Why don't you tell me the truth, huh?"

She let her eyes narrow. "What will it take for you to understand that this is how I feel?"

He shook his head. "I won't. I can't."

Leia stood quickly, needing to get away, needing to rebuild her defenses. She was starting to weaken. She had to stay strong. She had to do what was best for both of them. But right now, she felt the tears building up inside, threatening to drown her. And she knew that if she broke down, if she let him see her pain, she would not be able to go through with this. "You think what you want. It's over between us." She stormed from the cockpit, intent on barricading herself in the crew quarters.

He was quick on her heels. "So, that's just it?" Now he was angry, his voice resounding through the ship. "What the hell is this? How can you do this?"

She didn't answer, just continued her retreat. Suddenly, his hand gripped her arm like a vise, and she was forced to stop. Roughly, he yanked her around to face him. His eyes blazed.

"Did it mean nothing to you?"

"I didn't say that," she answered softly.

He moved closer to her, his tone suddenly solicitous. "Leia..."

She kept her head down, her gaze at his chest, unable to look at him. She could feel the whisper of his breath at the crown of her hair. She began to tremble uncontrollably.

"Talk to me," he whispered.

"There's nothing to say."

"You're lying. Definitely to me. Maybe even to yourself."

Her low tone matched his. "No, I'm not. I'm just telling you how I feel."

His hands moved to her shoulders, a gentle, firm grasp that held her in place. "How do you feel, Leia? Cause I know that's not all of it. C'mon, if you're gonna lie to me, at least do a better job than this."

She felt a tremor in her chin and pressed her lips together, saying nothing, eyes on his chest.

"I love you, Leia."

The words almost broke her. Her mind worked furiously, trying to grasp an excuse that he would understand and accept. When it came, she was filled with dread. She knew this would be painful, but it was the best thing, for everyone. Without looking at him, her voice formed the words, quiet, barely audible. "I love Wesley,"

Silence above her. Then, in a low rumble, he answered. "No, you don't. You love me."

Her throat constricted around what she knew she had to say. With more bravery than she felt, she met his eyes. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

The lie tumbled from her lips, easier than she had expected. "I'm sorry, Han. I _don't _love you."

His face contorted with something like grief. His hands fell from her shoulders. He stood there, gaping at her, unable to comprehend.

Leia couldn't tear her eyes away from him, watching with a horror that she did not allow to seep into her visage.

His expression slowly boiled from grief, to fury, then finally settled into a biting coldness as he allowed the tough mask to form. The mask that had slowly melted since the day they met, to reveal the kind, caring man underneath.

"Well," he said in a deathly quiet voice. "I guess you really are an Ice Bitch." He turned and strode back to the cockpit, spine rigid.

Leia's stomach dropped; her blood went cold. Dizziness buzzed inside her head; surely, she was going to pass out, become violently ill, or both.

Mercifully, she did not do either. She gripped her hands tightly together, bit her lip, and held herself together until she reached the crew quarters. When the door shut behind her, her knees buckled, and she leaned back and slid slowly to the floor, clasping her arms around her knees and burying her face in her arms.


	14. Chapter 14: Consequences

I know the last chapter was brutal and here is the fallout:

Han felt shattered. He couldn't begin to understand what had happened. He would have bet everything he had that Leia loved him. He would still bet everything that she didn't love Wesley.

He sat in the storage room on a shipping crate, behind a closed door. He had rendezvoused with the fleet over an hour ago, and had been directed to dock the Millennium Falcon on the Dreadnought, Victorious. As soon as he touched down in the hangar, he had locked himself in storage, unable to even look at her. Soon after, he heard the hatch open, when she had undoubtedly let herself out.

He couldn't bring himself to emerge from his ship. He didn't want to see anyone. Surely, they would see in an instant what she had done to him.

_Gods, I'm an idiot. How could I be so blasted stupid? _How had he been so blind that he hadn't seen this coming? He still didn't understand, not at all, the reason for her crying. He had been a fool to think it was due to her deep, undying love for him. What a joke!

He remembered the first night they made love. She had wanted him just as badly as he had wanted her. He was certain of that, if nothing else. Had it been purely physical? It hadn't felt that way. It hadn't felt like they were simply having sex...it had felt, totally and completely, like making love. He didn't think he had ever known the difference before that night.

The memory of what that had felt like, in his heart and his soul, flooded him with a profound sorrow. How could he go on without that feeling? He placed his head in his hands, trying to block out the image of how she looked first thing in the morning, smiling at him softly, her hair surrounding her in stunning disarray; the way her hand felt in his, so small and delicate; the gentle touch of her fingers stroking the hair at his forehead; the overwhelmingly blissful feeling of being inside her, their bodies and hearts, in complete accord.

It hadn't been his imagination. They had been perfect together. A thought came to him then, leaving him cold. He had thought before that she might be ashamed of him. Was that it? Was it that she was a Princess, and he was just a smuggler? He hated to think that of her. But in a way, it explained a lot. Because deep in his heart, he refused to believe she didn't love him. Maybe she did love him. But maybe the vast differences in their backgrounds were just too wide a gap to bridge. That possibility dimmed his hurt and inflamed his anger.

Han heard lumbering footsteps in the corridor, then Chewie's concerned howls. He didn't even feel like seeing his best friend, but he didn't want to worry Chewie needlessly.

"I'm in here!" Han bellowed without looking up.

After a moment, the door swished open, and Chewbacca entered, quietly observing his captain before speaking. He growled a soft interrogative.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Han mumbled darkly.

The Wookiee regarded the stubborn Corellian a moment, then gave him a short reminder.

"Yeah, I know I asked you not to come. I guess I made a mistake."

He questioned him more insistently.

Han exhaled harshly. "It doesn't even matter, it's an impossible situation."

Chewie chuckled quietly at his friend's use of the word 'impossible'. He hadn't thought it was in the Corellian's vocabulary.

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

Chewie moved close and sat on the floor before Han. With a rare tenderness, he reached up to remove Han's hands from his face. Han met his piercing, blue stare, his own gaze a mask of indifference. Chewie spoke a few soft words of concern.

"I'll be alright," Han assured his friend. "It's just..." He trailed off, then his voice returned with a vehemence, telling Chewie about what had happened between himself and the Princess in surprising detail. The Wookiee listened carefully, murmuring words of encouragement, understanding, then finally, sympathy.

When Han stopped speaking, spent from the emotional tale, Chewbacca sat in momentary silence. When he finally ventured an opinion, it received a scathing glare.

"I know you don't like Bria. That's not the point." Han's ears were then assaulted with a list of the Princess' virtues. Like he needed to hear _that._ "Are you trying to kill me?"

His urfing laughter was not the most welcome sound to Han's ears.

"No, I don't see. What the hell makes you say that?"

A lengthy explanation, and Han was shaking his head. "You don't understand. She doesn't wanna be with me. She tried it...obviously she didn't like it."

Chewbacca was glad to hear the dark humor returning to his voice. It was a good indication that he would be fine. With a hearty growl, he suggested a drink in the shipboard cantina. That would surely help to distract Han from his troubles.

With a dismal shrug, Han agreed.

Morning cycle came, and Leia found no will to rise from bed. There was nothing to look forward to, and everything to dread. At some point, if not today then another day, she would run into Han. That thought was almost unbearable.

Then there was Wesley. She had to deal with him today. She had to get that out of the way.

A shower made her feel a bit better, then she dressed quickly and pulled her hair up into her standard braids. She knew she should make a trip to the mess and have something for breakfast, but she couldn't motivate herself to do so.

It was still very early, and Leia was fairly confident that she would find Wesley in his quarters. It had been late the night before when she returned from Rallorin, and she didn't think Wes even knew she was back.

She took the lift down a level to where Wes' cabin was located, and when she reached the door, she took a deep, steadying breath. She pressed the door chime, holding her breath.

The door slid aside to reveal Wesley buttoning his shirt. A surprised smile lit his face when he saw her and he opened his arms, pulling her into his embrace.

"Leia, I'm so glad you're back." He kissed her quickly on the lips, and the contact felt oddly devoid of sensation. "How was your visit with the king?"

"Good. He's granted us his support."

"Great!"

Leia moved away from him to stare at a holo of his mother that sat on the table beside his bunk. It was the only such adornment in the room, and thus the only thing to occupy her eyes with. She heard him move close behind her and he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I missed you," he whispered near her ear.

Leia closed her eyes, grateful that this was not nearly as painful as it had been with Han. "Wesley...I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

She turned to face him. "This...what we have. We can't go on like this."

A sad, angry look crossed his features, but did not carry nearly as much weight as what she had seen in Han. "Why, Leia?"

"I don't have the same feelings for you that you have for me. It's not fair to you. You deserve better."

He turned away from her, fists clenched at his sides. "Is it Solo? Did something happen while you were with him?"

The question caused her pain. She couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't bring herself to talk about it with anyone. "This has nothing to do with Han. This is about us."  
He spun back to her with narrowed eyes. "You're lying. I can see it in your eyes. It _is_ about him."

She sighed, emotionally exhausted. "You can think what you like. You'll see, I'm not with him. And I'm not going to be."

Suddenly, Wes knelt before her, taking her hands and closing his eyes. "Don't do this, Leia. I love you. I know I haven't told you in a long time, but that's just because I thought you weren't ready for it. Give me another chance, please." He held her hands up to his mouth, his face twisted into a grimace.

Leia couldn't even feel badly anymore. She was past guilt, past sympathy. If she could do what she had done to Han, if she could see the pain in his eyes, she could certainly handle this. She disengaged from Wesley's grip and took a step back. "I'm sorry, Wes. There's nothing else I can say." She didn't give him another opportunity to speak, only left his room with a hardened heart.


	15. Chapter 15: Cold and Colder

On to Hoth!

XXX

_Nothing_ could have prepared Han Solo for this sort of cold. It was mind numbing. It was the stuff that nightmares were made of. No matter how many layers of clothing Han put on, the bitter, arctic winds seeped deep inside his bones, making him feel as if he would never get warm again.

_I hate Hoth. More than anything in this galaxy. _As his Tauntaun carried him across the frozen, icy plains, Han's thoughts were drawn to a woman who was surely as cold as these frigid, ever present snow dunes.

In the past couple of months, since Princess Leia had ripped out his heart and fed it to the Rancor, Han had spent as much time as possible avoiding her. He accepted no missions that she would be a part of, he studiously avoided any part of the base where he knew she would be, and he refused Luke's suggestions to have her join them for any activities. Luke was baffled by his behavior, and had questioned him often, but Han kept this secret to himself. He was too angry at the embarrassment he felt over the situation.

How could he tell _anyone_, besides Chewie, that the Princess had callously slept with him, shared an experience so intense it had made him want nothing, care for nothing, but her? And that then she had blown it off, as if it had meant nothing to her.

Han's anger was still acute, and he exhaled harshly, watching his breath steam in front of his face. He couldn't believe he still felt this way, that it still mattered so much to him. He hated her. He hated what she had done to him, and what she was still doing to him even now.

But she still took his breath away. Dammit all to hell, he hated that admission more than anything else, but it was true. When he did run into her, purely by accident, his heart still lurched in his chest, squeezing all of his internal organs until he thought they would burst. It was madness, sheer lunacy. And he had to escape it.

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow Chewie and I will soar on outta here, and never look back._

Of course, he hadn't told anyone yet, not even Bria. He supposed he should feel guilty about Bria. He was still with her, even though he knew he no longer loved her. He had known for a while now, but had only truly admitted it when things had gotten serious with Leia. _Well, _he mused bitterly, _apparently_,_ they were only serious on my part. Damn._

He knew it was wrong that he was still with Bria. He had intended to break things off after the trip to Rallorin. But he hadn't wanted to hurt her. Of course, he'd had other, more selfish reasons for maintaining the relationship. He wanted to spite Leia.

He didn't know if she even cared, but it gave him a modicum of satisfaction to have her see him with Bria. At first, he had been afraid he would have to see her with Wesley, but they seemed to have ended their affair. Han smiled ironically. She had handed him that pathetic excuse of her love for Wesley. She had claimed that was the reason why she couldn't be with Han. But that excuse was empty now, proving to Han that something else was the cause. He had spent more hours than he cared to admit pondering just what that reason could be. His mind always came back to the same thing.

She thought she was too good for him. Hell, he couldn't deny that she was. But that didn't give her the right to treat him the way she had. He remembered the day that Bria had betrayed him at Ylesia. He had thought that nothing could possibly hurt as much as that had. He was wrong.

_Nothing_ could compare to the pain he had felt when Leia said those dreaded words...

_I'm sorry, Han. I _don't _love you._

Han closed his eyes against the memory, as well as the biting cold. _You're getting soft in your old age, Solo,_ he told himself. _In the old days, you would have been over this an hour after it happened._

Luke Skywalker's voice broke through the frigid air from the comlink at Han's wrist.

"Echo Three to Echo Seven. Han, old buddy, do you read me?"

Han activated the comlink and spoke into it, keeping his tone light. "Loud and clear, kid. What's up?"

"Well, I finished my circle. I don't pick up any life readings."

"There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. The sensors are placed, I'm going back." He wasn't going to stay out here a second longer than necessary.

"Right. I'll see you shortly. There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here. I want to check it out. It won't take long."

Han broke the connection and turned his Tauntaun in the direction of the recently established Echo Base. He was thankful that this would be the last trip he would make out into this frigid climate. This time tomorrow, he would be on his way to pay back Jabba. And he would be far away from all things that left him cold.

Han took a deep breath before stepping into the command center. It was smaller and more cramped than the previous stations they had occupied. The screens and scopes were much closer together, and many of the technicians were almost sitting on top of each other.

Han was instantly aware of Leia's presence. She bent over a terminal going over some data with a technician. Almost as if she sensed his arrival, Leia looked up when he entered and their eyes met instantly. Han looked away quickly, before he could even tell what her expression held.

He walked up to General Rieekan, who was standing across from the Princess' station. He sauntered up to him, and Rieekan looked up in acknowledgement.

"Solo?"

Casually, Han remarked, "No sign of life out there, General. The sensors are in place. You'll know if anyone comes calling."

The General did not react to the smuggler's flippancy. "Commander Skywalker reported in yet?"

"No, he's checking out a meteorite that hit near him."

Rieekan turned to the screen before him. "With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships."

Without missing a beat, Han blurted, "General, I've got to leave, I can't stay anymore."  
Rieekan appraised Solo with a hint of admiration. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, there's a price on my head. If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a dead man."

"A death mark's not an easy thing to live with," he acknowledged. "You're a good fighter, Solo. I hate to lose you." The two men shook hands.

"Thank you, General." Han turned away, eyeing the Princess in her white coldsuit. He could see by her proximity and her posture that she had heard him. He felt torn in two directions. Part of him wanted to walk out, without a word, without acknowledging her existence, slighting her the way he felt slighted.

Another part of him wanted this chance to say goodbye, to see if she would say what had been unspoken for so long now.

The latter desire won out. Han found himself walking the few steps to where she stood, his stomach doing a curious flip.

Their eyes met as he approached, and hers were unreadable. What could he possibly say?  
"Well, Your Highness," fell from his mouth. "I guess this is it."

"That's right." Her expression was indifferent, her tone emotionless, but Han thought he could almost detect an underlying softness.

Nevertheless, after all they had shared, how could she brush him off so simply?

"Well, don't get all mushy on me," he sneered. " So long, Princess." He turned and quickly strode from the command center, intent on putting as much space between himself and Leia as possible.

Unexpectedly, he heard her call after him. "Han!"

He rolled his eyes in a mixture of frustration and dread, then stopped and turned to face her. "Yes, Your Highnessness?" he responded with a degree of sarcasm.

She came to a stop before him and opened her mouth to speak. But no words came out and she just closed it, looking at him with those large, dark eyes.

Han crossed his arms over his chest and stood to his full height. It was amazing to him that someone so small could be so intimidating. He stared down at her with an expression he hoped conveyed disdain. "Well?"

She swallowed visibly. "I... does...does Luke know?" he stammered.

"He'll know when he gets back," Han answered sharply.

She fixed her gaze on the floor. "Are you going to go pay back Jabba the Hutt?"

"Yeah. I figure I better do it before I get myself killed. Not that anyone would much care."

Her head came up sharply at that remark, and concern flooded her eyes. Han fought the tiny burst of joy that flushed through him. Perhaps someone did care...

"What will you do after?" she asked softly.

"I dunno," he answered, softening his tone slightly.

"Will you come back?"

He watched her carefully. She looked so hesitant, and very affected by his imminent departure. "Should I?"

She didn't answer, only returned her gaze to the floor.

He was determined now. He took a step towards her and lowered his voice. "_Should_ I come back, Leia?"

"I..." She hesitantly met his eyes. Something in her gaze hardened suddenly. "I'm sure Bria will miss you."

Han's hopeful expression dimmed considerably. "Yeah. I'm sure she will." He paused and was struck with a sudden inspiration. His voice took on a nasty edge. "After all, she has a heart." He saw her tough expression falter, a hurt vulnerability seeping through. Her expression tugged at his heart, and he found himself moving closer to her, his heart beating faster. "But maybe with Wesley not around to warm you up, all you need is a good kiss..." He trailed off softly, aware of the way her lower lip suddenly trembled. He saw her avert her eyes, as he brought his face close to hers, and when she looked up again, his lips were a scant few inches from hers.

Han's sudden surge of hope was quickly dashed when the tender look in her eyes was suddenly replaced with anger. Taking a quick step back, she straightened to her most regal posture and said in a haughty tone, "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee."

Infuriated now, Han thrust a finger in her face and spat, "I can arrange that." Blood boiling, feeling like more of an idiot than he would have thought possible, Han spun away from her and stormed off, shouting, "You could use a good kiss!"

Leia sat at the monitor, without really seeing it. The day had come. Han was really leaving. It was for the best, she knew that. Once he was gone, maybe then she could move on, without having to see him around the base.

The last couple of months had been torture, ever since their return from Rallorin. She had known it would be difficult to be alone again, after what Han and she had shared; to live without that feeling of intimacy and completeness. But she hadn't been prepared for the pure agony of it. She missed him, so much that her heart ached continually. She was never not in pain. She couldn't remember what it was like to feel even a moment of joy.

The worst part was the way he looked at her, when he even bothered to look at her at all. He hated her. She could see it in his eyes. She couldn't really blame him. She knew how badly she had hurt him. She wished things could have been different...but their conversation today only strengthened her resolve. He was leaving, finally, and as painful as it was, she was aware that it would be more painful if they were still together. If they were still together, she would be tempted to go with him, to toss the Rebellion aside, just to remain with him and keep him safe. And she couldn't do that. It wasn't an option. So, things were for the best this way.

Leia was barely aware that someone had dropped into the seat beside hers. At the sound of the voice, she almost jumped from her chair.

"I don't understand men," said the voice.

With an overwhelming sense of dread, Leia looked up to see Bria Tharen in the chair. She groaned inwardly. _This_ was the last thing she needed right now. Bria was looking at her, and Leia smiled weakly.

"You know Han pretty well," she said to Leia. "Do you understand why he's choosing _now_ to leave the Rebellion?"

Leia wanted to crawl under the console. _You know Han pretty well._ If the situation weren't so depressing, it might almost be funny. "I don't know," she muttered, pretending to study the console.

"Now is when we need him the most," she continued. "I mean, I know he'll be back, but-"

"Did he say that?" Leia asked quickly.

Bria smiled. "Of course not. Han never says much. That's just who he is. But I know he will."  
Leia nodded, not trusting her voice. He hadn't given her any indication, either way. But there was Bria to consider. Perhaps he would return for her. _I really need to see about getting her transferred to another base._

Bria's voice softened. "Things haven't been perfect between Han and me lately. But I know he loves me."

_Stop talking. Please, just stop. I'll do anything, if you'll just stop speaking._

She didn't stop. "If it weren't for this war, we'd have gotten married already." She smiled wistfully. "He asked me once, you know."

Without thinking, Leia was on her feet. "I just remembered," she was saying in a voice that was foreign to her own ears. "I have a meeting. I'll see you later." Before Bria could respond, Leia was on her way out of the command center.


	16. Chapter 16: Frenemies

Oh, poor Leia...

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Leia sat at the monitor, without really seeing it. The day had come. Han was really leaving. It was for the best, she knew that. Once he was gone, maybe then she could move on, without having to see him around the base.

The last couple of months had been torture, ever since their return from Rallorin. She had known it would be difficult to be alone again, after what Han and she had shared; to live without that feeling of intimacy and completeness. But she hadn't been prepared for the pure agony of it. She missed him, so much that her heart ached continually. She was never not in pain. She couldn't remember what it was like to feel even a moment of joy.

The worst part was the way he looked at her, when he even bothered to look at her at all. He hated her. She could see it in his eyes. She couldn't really blame him. She knew how badly she had hurt him. She wished things could have been different...but their conversation today only strengthened her resolve. He was leaving, finally, and as painful as it was, she was aware that it would be more painful if they were still together. If they were still together, she would be tempted to go with him, to toss the Rebellion aside, just to remain with him and keep him safe. And she couldn't do that. It wasn't an option. So, things were for the best this way.

Leia was barely aware that someone had dropped into the seat beside hers. At the sound of the voice, she almost jumped from her chair.

"I don't understand men," said the voice.

With an overwhelming sense of dread, Leia looked up to see Bria Tharen in the chair. She groaned inwardly. _This_ was the last thing she needed right now. Bria was looking at her, and Leia smiled weakly.

"You know Han pretty well," she said to Leia. "Do you understand why he's choosing _now_ to leave the Rebellion?"

Leia wanted to crawl under the console. _You know Han pretty well._ If the situation weren't so depressing, it might almost be funny. "I don't know," she muttered, pretending to study the console.

"Now is when we need him the most," she continued. "I mean, I know he'll be back, but-"

"Did he say that?" Leia asked quickly.

Bria smiled. "Of course not. Han never says much. That's just who he is. But I know he will."  
Leia nodded, not trusting her voice. He hadn't given her any indication, either way. But there was Bria to consider. Perhaps he would return for her. _I really need to see about getting her transferred to another base._

Bria's voice softened. "Things haven't been perfect between Han and me lately. But I know he loves me."

_Stop talking. Please, just stop. I'll do anything, if you'll just stop speaking._

She didn't stop. "If it weren't for this war, we'd have gotten married already." She smiled wistfully. "He asked me once, you know."

Without thinking, Leia was on her feet. "I just remembered," she was saying in a voice that was foreign to her own ears. "I have a meeting. I'll see you later." Before Bria could respond, Leia was on her way out of the command center.

Eating alone in the mess area, Leia couldn't stop thinking about Bria. From the start, Bria had treated Leia as if she were a good friend. Leia was never sure what had given her that impression. It wasn't as if Leia didn't like her, she had just never felt close to her.

And once she had begun to spend time with Han, Leia started to feel uncomfortable in Bria's presence. Even before anything had happened between them. Bria knew that Leia and Han had been on many missions, but Leia doubted she knew how much of their free time they had spent together. Before Rallorin, when they were strictly friends, Leia had often overheard Han telling Bria that he would be spending time with Luke. But he never mentioned when Leia would be there. Because of this, Leia had always felt strange about her friendship with Han, feeling a need to almost hide it from Bria. As a result, she had always tried to avoid her.

But no matter how hard she tried, Bria always sought her out. Perhaps it was because there were so few women on base. Leia didn't know. All she knew was that she would rather die than sit with Bria and discuss the possibility of marriage.

The voice of a nearby young man grabbed Leia's attention.  
"Hey. Did you hear about Skywalker?"

"What about him?" another voice answered.

"He's missing."

Leia's blood went cold. Missing?

"He never came back from placing sensors," the man continued. "And Solo went out after him. But no one's heard from him either. Word is, if they haven't made it back yet, they're not going to."

Leia's head began to spin. Her hand came up to cover her eyes as a slow, sinking feeling engulfed her. _No. This can't be happening._ Not both of them. She _couldn't_ lose both of them.

She stood quickly, almost stumbling, and rushed to the command center to get the entire story.

Leia watched Chewbacca's profile. He stood near her, leaning back against the Falcon, his expression of grief mirroring her own. She wondered which of them was more distraught. They both had a deep love for Han.

Sitting on a nearby shipping crate, elbows resting on knees, chin cupped in hand, was Bria. She didn't dare approach Chewie. Leia was aware that they had never gotten along. For this reason, Leia stuck close to Chewie, who seemed to take comfort in the Princess' presence.

Bria looked as awful as Leia felt. If Leia wasn't so busy feeling sorry for herself, she might have had sympathy for Bria. As it was, her mind was too focused on her missing friends.

Friends. Funny how, after everything, she still considered Han her friend. She doubted highly that he would use the same term to describe her.

Every few seconds, Leia's eyes would be drawn to the open shield doors, hoping against hope that the two people she loved most would come through, astride their Tauntauns. But every time she looked up, they weren't there, and something vital inside of her felt like it was dying.

Tears threatened again, and she closed her eyes. She had thought herself beyond tears, so hardened had she become by life's circumstances. After the breakup with Han, she hadn't cared much about anything. She had buried herself in work, exhausting herself until she was unable to think. Both Luke and Reikaan had cornered her on many occasions, telling her she needed to eat more, needed to get more sleep. She nodded insincere agreement, promised she would try, then returned to her old routine.

She glanced at her wrist chrono for the five hundredth time. Every time she checked the time, she grimaced and promised herself she would stop. Then, a minute and a half later, her eyes would be back on the chrono, almost involuntarily, telling herself yet again that she had to stop.

Time was of the essence. Soon the shield doors would have to be closed for the night, and Han and Luke would be abandoned to the cold.

She was prepared to lose Han...but not like this. She didn't want to imagine that he might die. She could give him up, but not to death. She wanted to hear him laugh, see that lopsided grin, smell his unique scent on her hands, and hear his deep rumbling voice tease her mercilessly. Even if he never spoke to her again, she simply wanted him alive, existing in this galaxy.

And Luke...

Luke was the only support she had left. Estranged from both Han and Wesley, Leia had no one but Luke to turn to, for anything. Of course, she hadn't told him what had happened with Han, even though he had asked her many times. She had a feeling that he suspected the truth, but was too respectful to say so.

_Gods, please let them be safe. Bring them back to me. _She remembered the last time she and Han had spoken, in the South Passage. She vowed then, that if he returned, she would apologize for everything. She would go to him and beg his forgiveness and friendship. She couldn't let him know the truth of her feelings. But she never wanted him to think she simply didn't care. The thought was too awful to contemplate.

From her spot on the crate, Bria spoke. "You must be so worried about Luke," she said softly.

Leia resisted the urge to close her eyes and block her out. "Yes," she answered simply.

Bria sighed quietly. "I can't believe this. He has to come back. He just has to." Tears brimmed, threatening to spill.

Leia was suddenly overwhelmed with an acute feeling of guilt. Bria obviously loved Han very much. Who was Leia to come between them? "I'm sure he's fine," she said in a quiet, choked voice.

"I'm sure I've put a lot of matters before my relationship with Han. Now, I can't believe how I've wasted our time together."

Leia couldn't take this anymore. What Gods were punishing her?

Bria looked at Leia suddenly, eyes intent. "If he makes it...I'm never going to take him for granted again."

She was going to scream. Surely, this conversation couldn't actually be happening.

Major Derlin had wandered over now, and a Lieutenant approached him quickly.

"Sir, all patrols are in, and still no-" He noted Derlin's gesture towards Leia and Bria, and lowered his tone. "Still no contact from Skywalker or Solo."

Threepio was nearing, clanking towards them steadily, Artoo rolling close behind. "Mistress Leia, Artoo says he's been quite unable to pick up any signals, although he does admit that his own range is far too weak to abandon all hope."

Leia nodded sadly. Major Derlin turned to her with regret.

"Your Highness, there's nothing more we can do tonight. The shield doors must be closed."

With those words, Leia felt as if the fate of her friends was sealed, encased in an icy tomb.

Derlin turned to the Lieutenant. "Close the doors."

"Yes, sir."

As the Lieutenant rushed away, Leia heard Chewie let out a mournful howl, heart rendering in its despair. It echoed Leia's sentiments exactly. Artoo began emitting a series of insistent beeps.

Threepio spoke to Leia in a much more cheerful tone than was warranted. "Artoo says the chances of survival are seven hundred seventy-five..." He seemed to realize the weight of what he was saying, and ended in a low, apologetic tone. "...to one."

Leia wanted to run away, to shut down and pretend none of this was happening. The shield doors began to close, a loud, ominous sound that echoed through the ice cavern, ending in a deafening clang that rang with a horrifying finality. Chewie howled again, more pathetically than before, and Leia found herself staring at Bria, whose eyes were closed, silent tears streaming down her face.

Threepio looked from Artoo to the Princess. "Actually, Artoo has been known to make mistakes...from time to time." He began shuffling away, leaning down towards Artoo. "Oh dear, oh dear. Don't worry about Master Luke, I'm sure he'll be quite alright. He's quite clever you know...for a human being."

Leia closed her eyes and began to pray more fervently to every Alderaanian god she had ever known.

Surely, Leia Organa was being punished. It was the only explanation for her current circumstances. As if Han and Luke's disappearance was not bad enough, Bria had effectively attached herself to Leia.

They stood, side by side before the control monitor in the command center, Chewbacca looming behind them. The speeders had finally been adapted to the temperature outside, and early this morning a rescue mission had been mounted. Leia had to resist the urge to jump into a speeder and race over the plains, searching for her friends. But she knew that, in the state she was in, she would not be the most effective person to do the searching.

She waited impatiently for any word on her friends. The night had lasted forever, made even longer by Bria's continual presence at her side.

Static crackled through the comm, then a male voice. "Echo Base...I've got something. Not much, but it could be a life form."

Leia held her breath, as she felt Bria take her hand and squeeze it encouragingly. Leia didn't look at her.

Silence from the comm, and it seemed like an eternity before they heard anything.

"Echo Base," the voice finally returned, booming with enthusiasm. "This is Rogue Two. I found them. Repeat, I found them."

A loud cheer went up through the command center, Chewie's elated roar the loudest among them. Leia sagged with relief, closing her eyes and thanking all the Gods that had answered her prayers.

Bria turned to Leia and embraced her tightly, whispering words of good fortune. Leia returned the embrace, too relieved to feel anything else at all.


	17. Chapter 17: To Go or Not to Go?

I have been trying to post this for days, but the coding has been all messed up :( Hope it goes through this time!

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Leia stood next to Luke's medical bunk, holding his hand tightly in had been unable to let him out of her sight for more than a minute, needing to see his safety to remind herself that this was real, that he actually was alright.

Of course, she had to force herself to keep from seeking Han out for the same reason, to convince herself of his safety also. She had been prepared to express her gratitude for his survival, and for the way he had gone after when they had returned and he had emerged from the speeder, Bria had thrown herself into his arms. Leia had been unable to even consider approaching was best this was no need to make Han think that there was more between them than there could would hurt , herself... , he was leaving and there were things that were best left unsaid.

Leia looked carefully at the fading scars on Luke's face."The bacta are growing scars should be gone in a day or it still hurt you?"

The door slid open, taking their attention away from the conversation at and Artoo made their way to Luke's side.

"Master Luke, sir, it's so good to see you fully functional again."Threepio's words were followed by cheerful beeps from Artoo."Artoo expresses his relief also," Threepio translated.

Before Luke could respond, the door again slid open, this time revealing Han and Chewie, and Leia's stomach lurched eyed the floor, the bunk, anything but Han.

"How you feelin', Kid?" He leaned down close to Luke, examining him casually."You don't look so bad to fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark."

Leia resisted the urge to smile at Han's flippancy.

"Thanks to you," Luke answered sincerely.

Han grinned."That's two you owe me, Junior."He turned around to face Leia."Well, Your Worship, looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer."

Leia was this?After not speaking to her for over two months, what kind of game was he playing?His knowing tone, tinged with amusement, was somewhat infuriating."I had nothing to do with it," she responded haughtily, her pride not allowing him to see how he affected her."General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy shield."

Han smirked."That's a good story.I think you just can't bear to live without me."

The truth of his words stung, inflaming her cheeks with a bright anger.

"After all," he continued, a glint of nasty humor in his eyes and voice."The whole base knows she's in love with me."He addressed this to Luke and Chewie, ignoring Leia now, as if she weren't there.

Her jaw was a deathly silence in the room as each being watching this display squirmed 's mouth closed to an angry could he...how _could _he?!She stood there, seething visibly."I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brains," she bit out caustically.

Chewbacca chuckled with great amusement, causing Han to shoot him a dubious look."Laugh it up, you didn't see us alone in the South Passage."

His eyes locked on hers, and as she stared back, dumbstruck, a sudden feeling enveloped her; a feeling so intense in its familiarity, that it left Leia dazed and she had felt on Rallorin, in Han's arms...that unbelievable sense of peace, security, bliss...that feeling washed through her now, blanketing her in it's confusing perfection, as if it were happening all over again.

An image flashed, barely comprehensible, through her mind, baffling her...she was in bed with Han, gazing up at him in adoration...but somehow, she sawherself from _his_ perspective, as if she were looking through his eyes; and she caught a sudden wave of sheer _love_, but it felt different somehow, and instinctively, although she knew not how,she _knew _that this was what _he_ was was the deep emotions that she stirred in him.

_Is he doing this to me somehow?_The feelings began to fade, and Leia was mystified, unable to begin to understand what had just happened to realized with a start, that everyone was looking to her for an could only gape, blown away by what she had just experienced, and terrified of what he would say his spot across from her, leaning against Luke's bunk, he continued to meet her only thing she saw there was a deep resentment.

"She practically _begged_ me for a goodbye kiss," he finished tone held amusement, but his eyes told a different story, his steady gaze serious and angry.

Why was he doing this to her?Leia refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he was hurting walked towards him slowly, eyes narrowed."Only a scruffy looking nerfherder like you could possibly mistake indifference for desire."With that, she stepped past him, leaned over Luke and kissed him fully on the mouth, effectively stunning everyone in the barely felt what she was doing, her mind focused solely on repaying Han with the kind of hurt embarrassment he had just dealt to her.

She ended the kiss abruptly and spun on her heel, not meeting the eyes of anyone in the room.

Han worked frantically from the top of the Falcon's hull, trying to weld a lifter in preparation for the run-in with the Imperial Probe Droid, the Rebels had begun evacuation, now allowing Han to only catch was that Bria had begged him to transport her to the Rebels' rendezvous Han hadn't been able to look her in the eye and say was, perhaps, the last bit of time they would have couldn't, in good conscience, deny her.

_Why couldn't it be Leia, dammit?_He sighed with disgust, at her and at fact that he still wanted her, when she obviously didn't care about him at all, made him _she _asked him to take her to the rendezvous point, he wouldn't she asked him to stay, he would do that too._I'm such an idiot._

And _what_ was going on with Luke?Leia had barely acknowledged Han's own safe return, yet she hovered at Luke's had told him how grief-stricken Leia had been about Luke's there was that kiss...

Was she moving on to the next candidate here?He wouldn't have believed that of her, but now...

He had thought lately that Luke's dumbstruck crush had disappeared, but now he had just cause to wonder.

His thoughts were interrupted when he realized that he had finished his spoke into his comlink, his voice rushed and weary."Okay, that's it."He waited impatiently, then was jolted by a small explosion that brought sparks and smoke flying in his face."Off! Turn it off!Turn it off!Off!"

"Okay, it looks like we're set."Bria closed the panel she had been working on, and gave Han a tense smile.

Han moved past her, opened the panel again and examined it nodded."Yeah, good job."

She smiled more genuinely."What? You don't trust me with your baby?"

He made a face, his mind not really on what she was was worried about comm system had just announced that the command center had been hit.A chill had gone down his spine at the was certain that Leia was still there, standing her determined could not stop wondering if she was okay.

More than anything, he wanted to run to the command center, ascertain her safety, and make sure she reached her his mind, he was halfway there two things held him back: the feeling that he was a fool for caring so much about her; and , she would wonder about such an action.

But his heart could not deny what he knew he had to do.

"I have to do somethin', I'll be back."He strode purposefully towards the ramp, ignoring the confused questions that Bria called after him.


	18. Chapter 18: Escape and Other Horrors

I have never had so much trouble uploading chapters on this site. Sorry for the constant delays. Thank you for sticking with me!

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Princess Leia moved hastily from one console to the next, amidst the chaos and confusion. The command center shook violently, bringing down another spray of snow and ice. Leia glanced up at the ceiling, wondering how much longer it would hold.

More than half their systems were down, but the few that were still functioning were manned by the small remaining number of ground staff.

Leia focused on the battle above them, concerned for Luke's safety, as well as the outcome of the fight. In the back of her mind, she grasped the fact that Han must have left already. She didn't have time to think about that now, but she knew that at a later date the reality of that fact would come crashing down around her.

She left the console for a look at one on the other side of the room, tripping over the broken machinery that was strewn darkly across the white ground.

A deafening blast shook the command center yet again, bringing down a huge chunk of ceiling. A sharp voice from the entrance startled Leia.

"You all right?"

Han's voice, strong and powerful even amidst the pandemonium, was the most bittersweet sound she had ever heard. She was shocked to see he was still here. She buried that feeling under a layer of her previous anger. "Why are you still here?"

"I heard the command center'd been hit."

"You got your clearance to leave."

"Don't worry, I'll leave. First I'm going to get you to your ship."

From nearby, Threepio spoke urgently. "Your Highness, we must take this last transport. It's our only hope."

Han climbed over the ice and rubble separating them, and tried to take Leia's arm, but she quickly sidestepped him and went to speak to a nearby controller.

"Send all troops in sector twelve to the south slope to protect the fighters."

Over the comm system, an announcement echoed ominously. "Imperial troops have entered the base. Imperial troops have enter-"

Another blast, and Han made his way to her, taking her arm firmly, his eyes conveying that he was not taking no for an answer now. "Come on. That's it."

She stared up at him, angry at his conflicting actions. Suddenly he cared? But she knew he was making sense. She turned to the head controller. "Give the evacuation code signal." Han had begun to lead her away. "And get to your transport!" She called back.

He took her hand in his, and even through her glove she could feel his warmth, radiating like twin suns. He yanked her down the corridor, Threepio following as fast as his metal legs would carry him.

Chewbacca waited on the Falcon, his patience waning. It wasn't his Captain's sudden disappearance so much as it was that he was left alone with Bria. And if she said one word to him, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

Chewie knew exactly where Han had gone. It was obvious. Where would he have gone at such a moment, but to retrieve the Princess? He would ensure that she made it to her transport if it killed him. Chewie knew that her safety mattered to him far more than his own.

It was a shame that things hadn't worked out between the two. They were much better suited to each other than Han was with Bria. And Chewie had the distinct feeling that the young Princess would never betray Han as the Tharen woman had. The long night they had spent together, waiting for Han and Luke to return from the frozen plains, Chewie had seen in her eyes how much Han meant to her. It didn't explain what had gone wrong on Rallorin, but it was obvious that Princess Leia had her own reasons for doing things. Chewie wasn't sure what they were, but his instincts told him they were valid.

He looked out again at the now-empty hangar, wishing that he would see Han rushing to the Falcon. He felt the ground quake again, and began to pray an ancient Wookiee prayer that this place would hold together long enough for them to make good their escape.

Han pulled her through the ice corridors, forcing her to keep up with his long-legged stride. It was not an easy task. Her mind raced furiously, her thoughts barely coherent as they raced to her transport.

The ground shook suddenly, almost knocking her off her feet. But Han held her easily, keeping her upright. She watched with horror as, right before them, the entire ceiling caved in, tumbling down in huge, heavy chunks, threatening to crush them.

Han reacted unhesitatingly. He grabbed Leia, pushed her to the floor and covered her body protectively with his own. She screamed in shock as she went down.

When the quake had stilled, Han stood up, examined what was now a solid wall of ice blocking their path, and reached for his comlink. "Transport, this is Solo. Better take off, I can't get to you. I'll get her out on the Falcon."

Leia stood, automatically brushing the snow from her, staring at him with dread. _The Falcon?_ Conflicting emotions built within her, tearing her in different directions. She wanted to go with him, to have more time with him; yet, she knew it would only complicate things. With no other choices remaining, she resigned herself to this fate. It was out of her hands.

She allowed him to lead her back in the direction they had just come from. They sped past Threepio, who turned after them and called, "But...but...but...where are you going? Uh...come back!"

They ran up the Falcon's ramp, Han hollering back to Threepio, "Hurry up, Goldenrod! Or you're going to be a permanent resident!"

"Wait! Wait!" The golden droid called nervously.

At the top of the ramp, Leia practically ran right into Bria. Her heart sank lower than ever before. Why hadn't it occurred to her that Bria would be on board? How could Leia possibly handle this situation? Han dashed past them on his way to the cockpit.

Bria blinked at her, genuinely surprised. "Princess...why...?"

"I couldn't make it to my transport. So, Han agreed to bring me." Did she sound as flustered as she felt?

Bria looked at her strangely for a moment, then both women rushed to the cockpit, arriving just in time to see Han smack the panel above the doorway. The lights there blinked once, then steadied. Bria took up a position behind Han, and Leia sat behind Chewbacca's seat.

Outside in the hangar, stormtroopers had entered and were setting up a huge gun that rested on a tripod.

Chewie came rushing into the cockpit, moving past Leia to settle into his chair.

"Come on! Come on! Switch over. Let's hope we don't have a burnout." Han ordered.

A startling flash of laser fire hit the window in front of Chewie, causing them to all jump slightly. Chewie roared loudly and pulled back on the controls. The first stage of engine fire roared through the cockpit and Han let go a great sigh of relief. After a tense moment, he glanced at Chewie. "Punch it!"

The main engines roared as the Falcon lifted off and soared out of the huge ice cavern.

There were very few scenarios that Han could possibly conjure up in his mind that would be as awkward and uncomfortable as this one. Trapped on board the Falcon with both Bria _and _Leia, he could not believe this was happening to him.

To make matters worse, the Imperials were gaining on them. But not for long. There was at least one element in this situation that he had control over. His ship, he understood. And she wouldn't let him down. Any moment now, they would make the jump to lightspeed and arrive at the rendezvous as soon as possible. The longer this trip lasted, the closer he would get to a nervous breakdown.

"They're getting closer," Leia informed.

"Oh yeah? Watch this." With a satisfied smirk, Han pulled back on the levers that, by all rights, should have propelled them into hyperspace, turning the stars into star lines before their eyes. But there were no star lines, only a choking, sputtering sound that came from the lightspeed engines.

"Watch what?" Leia asked disdainfully.

"Han? What happened?" Only Han could recognize the mild panic in Bria's voice.

Han was stunned for a second, his heart beginning to pound nervously. He pulled back on the lever again with the same sickening lack of results. "I think we're in trouble," he muttered.

From behind them Threepio spoke up. "If I may say so, sir, I noticed earlier that the hyperdrive motivator has been damaged. It's impossible to go to lightspeed!"  
"We're in trouble," Han confirmed, a sick feeling settling over him. The ship rocked under impact from the pursuing TIEs' laser fire. Before anyone could comment, Han was out of his chair and racing to the engine pit. He lowered himself down, contorting his body to see the systems he was concerned with.

"Horizontal boosters!" he called. Chewie barked a reply. "Alluvial dampers! No, that's not it!" Another terse reply from Chewie. "Bring me the hydrospanners!" Fighting panic, Han popped his head from the compartment as Chewie brought him the spanner, setting the toolbox on the edge of the pit. Han met his friend's eyes. "I don't know how we're gonna get out of this one." And he disappeared into the engines again.

Something solid pummeled the small freighter and the toolbox slid into the pit, knocking Han painfully in the head, tools falling at his feet. "Ow! Chewie!" _What the-_

Han climbed up and stuck his head out, listening carefully. Another burst of impact rocked the ship. "That was no laser blast, something hit us."

Han heard Leia's voice from the cockpit. "Han, get up here!"

"C'mon, Chewie!" he called to his partner. They ran to the cockpit where Bria had taken over as pilot with Leia as copilot.

"We're coming up on an asteroid field," Bria said calmly. She and Leia both vacated their seats, allowing Han and Chewie to resume their posts.

"Oh no." Han stared out the viewport for barely an instant, the huge chunks of space debris swirling randomly before him. Possibilities flew through his mind, and he knew he only had one choice. "Chewie, set two-seven-one."

"What?" Bria and Leia wailed in unison. Chewie's howl of shock followed close behind.

"What are you doing? You're not actually going into an asteroid field?" Leia shouted.

"They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?"

Another asteroid jolted the ship, and Han heard Bria whisper, "I guess it's better than facing the Imperials."

"Sir," Threepio chimed in. "The possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately three thousand, seven hundred and twenty to one."

"Never tell me the odds!" Han said without looking away from the viewport. He banked the ship sharply, running it straight into the thick of the asteroid field. He focused with complete concentration on the task of avoiding the asteroids that hurtled haphazardly towards his beloved ship. He had to get them out of this. He knew they were probably all thinking him a lunatic, but there was no other way. He noticed with mild disappointment that the TIEs were indeed following him in. But that was okay. Han Solo could outfly Imps with one hand bound behind his back.

Leia concentrated her full attention on the macrofuser in her hand. She was welding a valve, a mindless task that she could have done with her eyes closed beneath her goggles. She wished she had been given something that required a bit more thought so that she would not have to think of their current circumstances.

Han had hidden his ship within the cave of a large asteroid, where they attempted to repair the damage to the Falcon. The plan was that they would fix the hyperdrive, emerge from the cave, outrun the Imperials still lurking, reach the edge of the asteroid field, and jump to hyperspace.

_Simple, _Han had said. It made her want to kill him.

It wasn't even him exactly. It was everything. What sick twist of fate had allowed her to be travelling with Han and Bria? It was like a nightmare.

Before they had split up to perform their various tasks, Leia had felt her face burning as she had to endure the sight of Bria kissing Han quickly on the lips. Pain had lanced her heart as Bria turned away, oblivious to Leia's internal conflicts. As Bria departed, Han had glanced guiltily at Leia. She could only assume he felt sorry for her. His pity only made her feel worse.

She finished welding and removed her goggles, setting them aside to close the attached lever. She gripped it firmly, trying with all her strength to make it budge, but it was stuck. With a deep sigh of frustration, she made another attempt, but again she had no success. She was just considering pounding it with the macrofuser, out of pure aggravation, when she felt a pair of arms surround her, large hands reaching for the valve.

Without thinking, Leia pushed Han away from her, casting him an angry glare.

"Hey, Your Worship, I was just tryin' to help."

She shook her head and closed her eyes, wishing that he would just go away. With a renewed fervor, she attacked the valve, wrenching it as hard as she could. She only succeeded in bruising her knuckles. An angry hiss escaped her lips and she placed her sore knuckles in her mouth, attempting to ease the sting. The pain was minimal, but somehow, she suddenly felt near tears.

Han peered around her, looking concerned. Without a word, he took her hand and began to massage it gently.

"Stop that," she said warily, following his gentle pull to turn towards him.

"Stop what?"

"Stop that. My hands are dirty."

"My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?" His tone was low and soothing.

Leia stared up into his eyes, trying to deny the way his touch melted her. She tried to appear indignant, but knew she was unsuccessful. "I'm not afraid. Why would you say such a thing?"

"You're trembling."

_Damn him for being so observant. _She felt her cheeks grow warm. "I'm not trembling."

He smiled tenderly, saying nothing but continuing to hold her hand. Leia glanced down at her hand in his, thinking what a sorely missed sight that was. She met his eyes again, determined to escape this moment with some of her waning dignity intact. "Han, let me go."

His expression softened, eyes darkened. Something sad glimmered in his eyes. "Isn't that what you always wanted from me, Leia?"  
His words flooded her with despair. She averted her eyes, afraid to look at him. "You know that's not true..." she barely whispered, closing her eyes.

"Isn't it?"

She was having trouble breathing. It felt as if someone had tossed her out the airlock and the deep vacuum of space was stealing her breath. The warm blush on her cheeks had spread over her entire body, the heat from his hand only intensifying that warmth. "Han..." she breathed softly.

"Talk to me, Leia." His quiet voice seemed to vibrate through the tiny compartment, as he moved closer to her and his breath whispered against her forehead in a tantalizing caress.

She was drowning in his presence. She had to end this, now, before it was too late. But she found herself unable to move.

"Just tell me what you're thinking," he whispered.

"I can't." Her voice was small and weak.

` His free hand came up to gently brush her cheek. "Sure, you can. You can tell me anything."

Seemingly of its own accord, her face leaned into the soft caress, and he cupped her cheek in his hand. She kept her eyes tightly shut, unable to acknowledge that this was real. A heart stopping moment later Leia could feel his breath at her lips. The sensation was both beautiful and agonizing. Her mind ceased its ability to think and time stopped.

A low, insistent growl intruded on the surrealness of the moment, and Leia came to the slow realization that it was Chewbacca. Her eyes blinked open to see him towering behind Han, peering at them intently. He spoke quietly to Han's back, and Leia saw Han close his eyes and clench his jaw.

"Yeah. Yeah. I know," was Han's pained response.

Leia dropped her eyes, suddenly remembering Bria's presence on the Falcon. How had she forgotten? Leia couldn't understand most of what Chewie said, but his point was clear. _What_ was Han doing?

Chewie's tall form was effectively blocking anything that was going on within the tiny compartment, and Leia gratefully took this as an out. With an effort, she removed her hand from Han's. Without looking at him, she slid past him, and Chewie moved out of the way, growling softly as she passed.

She needed to get away. Heading for the cockpit, Leia passed Bria on the way and felt her face grow crimson.

Bria stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Princess? Are you feeling alright? You look flushed."

Leia forced herself to meet Bria's eyes. "I'm fine, thank you. Just tired, I suppose." She _was _starting to feel sick.

Bria patted her arm sympathetically, then moved off to deliver the cable she carried.

Holding onto the bulkhead as she walked, trying to fight sudden dizziness, Leia made her way to the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's chair. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths.

How had she allowed him to get that close? How had she completely forgotten that Bria was there? How had _he_ forgotten? This was an impossible situation!

Had he seen how much she still loved him? She didn't see how he could miss it. What baffled her the most was the way he had cornered her, making his intentions blazingly obvious.

She had been certain that he had no tender feelings left for her, after the way she had hurt him. This belief had only been reinforced in the medical center, after he had so cruelly tormented her before their friends. She didn't blame him. She had seen the pain she caused him. And somehow, believing he no longer loved her had made it easier to be apart from him.

She wondered what he felt for Bria. That thought made her want to curl up into a ball and hide. During their time on Rallorin, Leia had managed to convince herself that the rest of the galaxy didn't exist, that what she and Han shared was strictly between them and involved no one else. Indeed, it had been so perfect, had felt so _right, _that it was easy to convince herself of this. By ending it before they returned to the fleet, she was able to maintain that illusion.

But now here she was, faced with her feelings, faced with his feelings, and with Bria standing by, unsuspecting. It brought to her the painful reality that Han and she were not the only ones affected by this situation.

If they didn't make it out of this soon, Leia would begin to wish for the Star Destroyers to simply blast them into dust.


	19. Chapter 19: Peace

It'a about to get interesting...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Han tried to ignore Chewie standing over him in the hold as he completed his welding. He knew the big Wookiee had something he wanted to say, and in all honesty, Han didn't feel like listening. He almost wished Bria wasn't working in the engine room; her presence would have insured that Chewie hold his tongue.

As expected, Chewie's soft, insistent question finally came.

"I dunno," Han grumbled, not looking up from the macrofuser in his hand. "I wasn't thinking."

Chewie commented more extensively, causing Han to grimace.

"I _do_ know what I want. You know that." He kept his voice very low.

The Wookiee told his friend and Captain what he needed to do to make things right.

"Well, I can hardly do it _now._"

Chewie spoke again.

Exasperated, Han turned to him, pulling up his goggles to look him directly in the eyes. "Look, I just lost myself for a minute, okay? I _will_ be more careful." He pulled the goggles back down and returned to his work.

Chewbacca whuffled a soft apology.

"I know, pal." He shut off the macrofuser now and stood staring at nothing. "I just..." His voice became a soft whisper. "I just wanted to be near her. Just for a minute. It's just been too damned long." That familiar pain burned in his chest again, blossoming slowly and spreading through him, making him close his eyes against it. Why couldn't he just let it go? Why couldn't he let _her_ go?

He knew why. He still loved her. And he realized now that she still loved him too. It had been clear in her eyes just a few minutes ago. It was as obvious as the brown of her eyes. She was too affected by his touch, his nearness. It was just as it had been on Rallorin. She couldn't hide it from him, just as she hadn't been able to then. If he had spent less time avoiding her these past few months, he might have seen it earlier.

The question remained...what was holding her back? And what could he do to get through to her?

That was the agony of it. With Bria on board, he could do nothing. And when they joined the fleet, he had to leave. He simply _had_ to. There was no escaping this debt any longer, it had almost caught up to him on Ord Mantell. No, there was no way he could stay. But perhaps if he could get her to talk to him, he might have a reason to return.

He heard quick, light footsteps coming toward him, and when he looked up, there was Leia, breathless.

"There's something out there..."

XXX

Han leaned against the door inside the refresher, eyes closed. If he had to envision a worse fate than this, he couldn't possibly come up with one.

After Leia had informed him of the mynocks crawling across the hull of his beloved ship, they had discovered that the 'cave' they were hiding in was not a cave at all, but a giant space slug, ready to digest them. Han had thought the hyperdrive was functional, and had made a snap decision to make a run for the edge of the asteroid field. The mad dash had been successful, but when they reached open space, Han pulled back on the lever that _should_ have engaged the hyperdrive. He was only met with that same awful, choking sound of defeat that told him they most definitely would _not _be going to lightspeed anytime soon.

Thinking fast, which happened to be the only way he knew how to think, he had come up with the idea of attaching the Falcon to a blind spot on the Star Destroyer's hull and shutting down all systems. Thankfully, he had fooled the Imperials, and was rewarded when they dumped their garbage before going to lightspeed. Which left the Falcon to float among the debris, unnoticed.

Of course, they were somewhat in the middle of nowhere. The only reachable system where they might find aid was Bespin. His old friend Lando Calrissian was the administrator of Cloud City in the Bespin system. Han expected to find help with repairs there.

The more he thought about it, the more anxious he became. He _hoped_ Lando would consider him a friend. After Ylesia, he wasn't so sure. And to show up there with Bria...

He grimaced, his concerns finally resting on what was causing him the most tension. His wounded ship was hobbling towards Bespin, moving at a sarlacc's pace. The journey would take ten long days, and he was stranded onboard with both Leia and Bria.

Han had never known such hell.

Bria was unaware of the tension, but it was taking a toll on Leia, as well as on himself. He had noticed that Leia tried to keep to herself, but the ship was not that big. They all had to cross paths sometime. Already, Bria had placed herself in Han's lap, snuggling up to him. Leia had been standing nearby, and he had seen the look on her face, could tell she couldn't stand this situation. Han had made some quick excuse and fled the scene, feeling as if he would jump out of his skin.

The most disturbing aspect of all this was that this might be the last opportunity he had to smooth things over with Leia. And he didn't even have the chance to try. Having Bria on board made it impossible.

He realized now what a mistake it had been to stay with her. He should have broken up with her after Rallorin, if not before. But he'd been stubborn and spiteful, not wanting to give Leia the satisfaction of seeing him alone, knowing that he still thought of her constantly. His inaction was now hurting them all.

It was hurting Leia, it was killing him, and it was bound to hurt Bria too. She wasn't stupid. Soon she would realize that _something_ was going on.

He realized he had been standing in the refresher for a ridiculous amount of time, and went to splash water on his face at the basin. He dried off and went back to his cabin, where Bria lay in his bunk, waiting. Han groaned inwardly before stripping off his pants and shirt and climbing in beside her. He rolled to one side, away from her.

One arm snaked around his waist and she pressed herself against his back.

"Man, I'm tired," he said with deliberate weariness.

She began slowly kissing his neck. "Hmm...how tired are you?"

"Pretty tired. It's been a long day." Her hands caressed his chest, and Han couldn't remember a time when he had been less in the mood than right at that moment. "Hon," he said as her mouth moved to his ear. "Really, I'm too tired to even think."

She pushed him to his back suddenly, moving over him. "That's okay. You don't have to think." She grinned and kissed him hard on the mouth.

He pushed her off, a little more roughly than intended. "Stop. I said I'm tired." The stress he had felt all day caused some annoyance to seep into his tone.

She moved away from him, eyes narrowing slowly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered gruffly. "I told you, I'm tired."

"Something's bothering you. You haven't been yourself all day," she accused.

"Sorry, almost being captured by Imperials kinda puts me in a bad mood," he said sarcastically. He saw genuine anger growing in her eyes, but as bad as he felt, he couldn't bring himself to change the course of their conversation.

"You don't need to take it out on me!"

"I'm not! But you've gotta admit, you being here doesn't help the situation any."

"What?"

He looked her straight in the eye. "Here I am, going to Lando to beg for help. And he's probably gonna take one look at you and have us all shot!"

Her anger was quickly joined by a hurt resentment. He knew he had crossed an unspoken line: they _never_ discussed Ylesia, not since he had forgiven her and taken her back. But he couldn't stop himself.

"After all, I'm sure he'll be expecting to get stabbed in the back. He'll just be protecting himself!"

She fixed him with a hard stare. "But you know better...don't you, Han?"

He stared back, matching both her expression and her tone. "Do I?"

She shook her head slowly. "If you don't change your attitude, I'm going to go sleep in the crew quarters with Princess Leia."

Han had to bite the inside of his cheek. _Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. _"Don't bother," he said instead. "I've still got plenty of work to do." He left the bed, pulled on his pants and shirt and left the cabin.

XXX

Han was burrowed under the communications panel, attempting to replace a worn cable, thinking about the harsh words he had exchanged with Bria. Until he had actually spoken the words, he hadn't realized how much resentment he still harbored toward her over Ylesia. It was only now, faced with the possibility of Lando refusing them help, that he really allowed himself to think about it. He didn't hate her. He _had_ forgiven her. But he simply couldn't forget it.

Things had never been exactly the same between them after that incident. He supposed that even if he hadn't met Leia, the relationship wouldn't have lasted. It had probably been a mistake to take her back to begin with. But at that moment, it had seemed like the right thing to do.

He hadn't meant to be so harsh with her. But he was just so tense, so unnerved. And then she had started kissing him, and he just _knew _there was no way he could do this with Leia right around the corner.

Soft footsteps were coming in his direction, and he wondered, with a degree of dread, who in the cast of characters of this nightmare was going to give him grief now.

"Shouldn't you get some sleep?" Leia's quiet voice reached his ears.

His hands froze. It was amazing what she could do to him with one simple sentence

From within the compartment, he responded, "Well, there's a lot of work to do."

Movement, and then her voice was nearer. "That doesn't mean you have to kill yourself. Even Corellians need sleep," she teased in a light, simple tone he hadn't heard in too long.

"Nah, that's just a rumor."

She laughed softly, and Han climbed out from under the compartment. He sat up to find that she had seated herself on the floor next to him. She looked very young and innocent, sitting cross-legged in her long, white, lacy robe. He hadn't even realized how many of her garments were still on the Falcon from previous trips. He glanced down at himself to find that his shirt, arms and hands were all covered in grime. 

"How you holdin' up?" he asked instead.

She nodded soberly. "Okay. And you?"

"Oh, I'm just great. I mean, aside from feeling like an idiot cause I can't get my own ship repaired. Other than that, I'm just dandy." He winked.

She smiled briefly. "That's not your fault."

"No, huh?" He sniffed. "Well, whatever. It doesn't feel good, at any rate."

"Look, if you hadn't come for me on Hoth..." She lowered her eyes, and Han knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Hey..." He reached over and took her small hand in his, forgetting that his own were filthy. "I wouldn't let that happen," he whispered. He was aware of how his body responded to touching her; his breath coming more rapidly, his heart beating ever-so-slightly faster.

Her gaze returned to his and she smiled. "I know you wouldn't...mostly."

He saw the teasing light in her eyes and didn't take offense.

"Look, Han," she began slowly. "A lot has happened between us." She smiled wryly. "Not all of it was bad."

He knew she was joking, but it stung, nonetheless. But he squeezed her hand to show he understood.

"I think..." she said in a very low voice. She glanced away shyly before continuing. "I think that we should try to go back to the way things were before."

Hope clutched Han's heart. She wanted to try again. What could he say? _Yes, I want that more than anything. Just wait for me. Wait for me to come back from paying off Jabba. After that, as long as it's in my power, I'll never leave you again. _

Before he could voice his feelings, Leia added hastily, "I mean, before Rallorin."

Han felt his blood go cold. _Before._ That was what she meant by 'before'.

She looked at him again, and he struggled to maintain a neutral expression. "We were such good friends," she was saying. But her voice seemed distant to his ears. "I'm sorry that we ruined that."

He could never tell her that he couldn't _possibly_ be sorry about what they had shared on Rallorin. That it had meant more to him than any other experience of his life. That he doubted he would ever have another experience that matched it. He only nodded dumbly. "Yeah." Recovering himself, Han said with forced sincerity, "Yeah, I'd like that."

He watched her smile sadly, a hint of regret and longing evident in her eyes. It left him confused. Her words didn't exactly match her expression. _It's probably my imagination. Wishful thinkin' or something._

"It should make this trip easier, at the very least."

He nodded. He had to admit, she had a point there. And the more he thought about it, the more he found himself liking the idea. Suddenly, the idea of actually spending time with Leia seemed very, very appealing. He remembered now how much he had enjoyed her company, from the very beginning. "Yeah...yeah, it will. It definitely will." He smiled more genuinely this time. Her hand was still in his and he squeezed it and brought it to his lips, realizing just before he kissed it just how much dirt and grime was smudged on him.

She retrieved her hand, examining the traces of grease he had left there with an amused expression.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. He began wiping his hands on his pants, to no avail. He saw her try to rub some of the grime off her own hands, then stood, took her hand again, and tugged her to her feet. "C'mon."

Looking a bit bewildered, Leia followed him as he led her to the refresher. He palmed the door open and it slid shut behind them when they entered.

Han activated the recycled water in the basin and began washing his hands with a generous amount of solvent. When he had removed all the grime, he reached for Leia's hands and began, without thinking, to thoroughly clean her hands too. Intent on removing all traces of dirt, he didn't look up until she spoke.

"You know...I've been washing my own hands since I was two years old."

Han realized the absurdity of his actions and grimaced. He looked at her to find that she was smiling at him. He let go of her hands and reached for a nearby towel.

"Um, yeah. Sorry."

Now she laughed, moving to the front of the basin to finish washing. Han smiled, his stomach dipping at the sound of her laughter. He tried to push his reaction aside, but found he could not. However, for once it was not accompanied by anger or resentment. He handed her a towel when she had shut the water off and turned to him.

As she dried her hands, Han realized how small the refresher compartment was, and how close they were forced to stand. He leaned back against the door and crossed his arms, not wanting to lose that closeness.

She turned to look at him and he saw a soft vulnerability slowly appear in her eyes. It touched him to see that she was still so affected by him. But at the moment, he would not push her. Maybe they could build their friendship back up. And perhaps that would lead to something more, just as it had before.

"You goin' back to bed?" he asked softly.

"No, I was going to the galley to get something to eat."

"Yeah, I noticed you missed dinner earlier."

She looked away, "Well, I...I felt a little uncomfortable."

"Can't imagine why," he drawled.

That soft smile again, pulling tightly at Han's heartstrings. _Think 'charming'. Think about what made her love you from the start. _ This time he would not seduce her, he would not scare her. He would move at her pace. He didn't care how slow that might be. He still wanted her. As much as ever before. But it was overshadowed now by the simple need to _be_ with her. The desire to possess her emotionally far outweighed the desire to possess her physically. Without the emotional aspect of it, he would only lose her again.

They stood in silence a moment without looking at each other, until Leia gave him a pointed look. Han quickly realized that she wanted to leave and moved aside. He activated the door controls, and with a sweeping gesture of his arm, allowed her to proceed him through the door.

He followed her to the galley and sat at the table, watching as she rifled through the contents of the food storage compartment. She came away with two ration bars, offering one to Han. He wrinkled his nose, but took it anyway.

She remained standing, leaning back against the counter as she ripped open the wrapper and began eating the bar, barely suppressing a grimace at the taste.

"Not exactly the prime choice among royalty, huh?"

She smiled with a distasteful twist to her lip. "No, I can't say that it is." She paused, examining the ration bar. "Tell me about Bespin. Have you been there before?"

"Yeah. That's where I picked up the Falcon."

Leia's eyes flew to him in surprise. "Really?"

He could see her getting immediately sucked in, as she always had when he gave her even the slightest glimpse into his past. "Yep." Switching back to his old attitude, he didn't volunteer any other information.

From the corner of his eye, he could see her waiting expectantly. When he said nothing, she prodded him. "So... how did that happen?"

For a moment, he only stared at her, waiting to see if she would turn away. For just a second, she glanced away shyly, then her eyes returned to him. "I won her. She used to be Lando's."

Her eyebrows shot up. "How did you win her?"

"Sabaac. You'd be surprised how high the stakes can get."

"A lot higher than the games we've played, I would imagine."

He allowed his expression to soften. "I dunno...I think we've played for some pretty high stakes," he said quietly.

She didn't miss his meaning. Her face flushed and she cleared her throat. With deliberate movements, she went to the small garbage compactor and tossed the ration wrapper in. She continued to the refrigeration unit and removed the water container, taking a glass from above the counter and pouring it for herself.

She took a long swallow then turned to Han. "You want some?"

"No, thanks." He watched as she returned to her drink. The movements of her throat as she swallowed were fascinating. "I think you'll like Cloud City. It's beautiful there."

She eyed him thoughtfully. "That's quite an admission from such a mercenary."

He grinned. "Well, don't spread it around."

Her expression darkened suddenly. "I hope Luke made it off Hoth safely," she said in a quiet, fearful voice.

"I'm sure he did," he assured her. "His luck's almost as good as mine. Of course, he's not as good a shot, but.."

She raised an eyebrow. "It's a shame he doesn't have your humility."

"I know, I've pointed that out to him."

She rolled her eyes, a gesture that always flooded him with great affection. Then they shared a tender smile that warmed Han's heart. For the longest time, he had believed it would never warm again.

"You should really get some sleep," she said.

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged. The idea of returning to his cabin did not appeal to him.

Unexpectedly, Leia came over to him and took him by the hand. "Come on, hotshot." She pulled him from the galley.

She led him in the direction of the cabins, and Han stopped her. "Hey, I'm just gonna finish replacing this cable. You go to bed though. You look pretty beat."

She nodded. "Alright. But make sure you _do_ get some sleep." She gazed at him dubiously.

He smiled affectionately. "Yes, dear." It had not escaped his notice that she still held his hand. They gazed at each other, and Han had the distinct impression that they were speaking silently. His expression grew tender, allowing her to see in his eyes what he could not say. At least not right now. Not yet.

She finally looked away, smiling shyly. "I'm glad we worked things out between us."

He squeezed her hand. "Me too." He stood still, wanting desperately to kiss her, knowing he could not. He settled for leaning over and kissing her on the forehead, closing his eyes at the flood of emotion that swelled in his heart, running its course through him. _Gods, I love this woman. She has to see how right this is._

He eased away from her, let go of her hand and said quietly, "Night, Princess."

She opened her mouth, hesitated briefly, then responded. "Good night, Han."

He watched her go, until she had turned the corner and disappeared. He wanted to go after her, clutch her to him, whisper to her words that could barely express what he felt. But he wouldn't. He would wait. For as long as he had to.

With a deep sigh, he went back to the compartment he had been working in, settling back beneath it, trying to concentrate on it, but failing miserably. Instead, he found he could not take his mind off the feeling of renewed hope that had sprung up inside him.


	20. Chapter 20

Poor Chewie, so self-sacrificing for his Captain ;)

XXXXXXX

Grumbling under his breath, Chewbacca approached Bria where she was seated at the Falcon's main engineering console, checking data on the repairs she had just completed.

_Life debt, life debt, life debt._ He kept reminding himself of those two words. A life debt to another being meant that you would do _anything_ for the safety and welfare of that individual.

Chewie had unhesitatingly risked his life for Han on more occasions than he could count. He had given up precious time with his wife and son to honor his debt to this man who had become a blood brother to him.

He had never minded any of it.

But _this_ he minded. This was barely tolerable.

To provide Han with some time alone with the young Princess, Chewie was to befriend Bria Tharen. The mere idea made him want to bare his sharp teeth and growl menacingly.

If he weren't so fond of Leia, he would have refused. But Chewie wanted to see Han with Leia. Not only because he disliked Bria, but because Leia brought out something in Solo that the Wookiee had never seen quite so close to the surface before. He had always known it was there, buried deep under a life of severe circumstances. But rarely did he show his tender side. Granted, he did show it with Bria, but it was not with the same intensity as with Leia. The Corellian's eyes practically glowed when he looked at the Princess. And when he spoke about her... well, Chewie doubted Han was aware of the goofy smile that spread across his face.

So, Chewie could not refuse Han's request. Of course, he had made it clear how much he detested the situation he was being forced into. Not only would he have to tolerate her company, but he would have to be _nice_ to her.

Fixing what he hoped was a pleasant expression on his furry countenance, he stepped up behind Bria and spoke with quiet, if false, enthusiasm.

Bria didn't turn around. Chewie had to force himself not to take that as an out. He spoke again, this time using her name.

Now she did turn around, with a flabbergasted expression. She blinked rapidly several times, then just gaped at the massive Wookiee.

He questioned her again, more sharply.

She finally found words. "You...you want to play Dejarik? With _me_?"

He grunted an affirmative.

"I... well, I..." She looked as if she doubted she had understood him correctly. "Are you sure?"

He bit back the response he wanted to thrust upon her, and simply answered that yes, he was.

She stood from the console, smiling with enthusiasm now. "Of course. Let's play."

Chewie muttered something, too low for her to hear, then moved to the holochess table. He made sure she ended up sitting where she would not see when Han soon passed by, two mugs of kaffe in hand.

As Chewie set up the playing board, he stifled a sigh. This was going to be a long game.

XXX

It was Leia's turn at watch, and there was little to do. Threepio had taken it upon himself to keep her company. She tried to tune out his incessant blather. After all, he had been droning on for a good hour now. About what, Leia was not sure. At first, she had tried to pay attention, not wanting to hurt his mechanical feelings. But after a while, she simply couldn't take it anymore, and had begun making quiet sounds of acknowledgement, all the while concentrating on something else entirely.

She was not surprised that the "something else" was Han. Their newfound peace was a welcome relief. She felt better already. It almost felt as it had before that first kiss, on the return trip from Moltare. _Almost._

The tension between them was mostly gone, and she was able to again enjoy his company. Of course, there was still the edginess she felt every time she saw, or even thought of Bria. But she still felt better having settled things with Han. She almost wondered why she hadn't done it sooner.

But she knew why it was easier now. She still loved him, still went breathless at the sight of him. She still wanted him to kiss her, to make her feel alive as he had on Rallorin. She still wanted to hear that he loved her, that he wanted her. And she was still afraid to let him too close, especially since he was leaving as soon as they rendezvoused with the fleet.

But this time, _because_ Bria was onboard with them, he couldn't corner her. He couldn't force her to face the intensity of her feelings. It was safe now. So, while it was torturous for the three of them to be travelling together, it was almost a good thing. She was safe_._ She could treasure her limited time with Han without opening herself to a hurt deeper than what she already knew would be almost unbearable when he left.

"You can only imagine, Mistress Leia, what it must be like to be the only protocol droid..."

Leia nodded sympathetically, hoping she was being convincing. She wasn't even aware of Han's presence in the cockpit until he spoke.

"Hey, Goldenrod, why don't you go find something else to do."

Threepio's head jerked sharply in Han's direction, tilting at an inquisitive angle. "Why, Captain Solo, there is nothing more that can be done at the moment. In fact, I-"

Han leaned over the golden droid, not allowing him to finish. He held one cup of kaffe in a mildly threatening position above him. "Well, why don't you go see if the Falcon's computer is lonely."  
"Lonely?"

"Yeah. Go. Now."

Leia watched this display with some amusement. Muttering indignantly, Threepio shuffled from the cockpit. Han closed the door, and Leia noticed that he secured it.

"Here." He handed her a cup. "Thought you might like some kaffe."

"Thanks." She took the mug, admiring him surreptitiously as he sat in Chewie's chair. They sipped their kaffe in silence for a time, while Leia tried to ignore the nervous flutter she always felt in his presence. "How are the repairs coming?"

He shrugged. "What little we can get done now is fine. But the big stuff just has to wait till we reach Bespin."

He seemed nervous too. Leia wondered if it was because Bria could stumble upon them at any moment. Granted, they weren't doing anything wrong at this point, but the guilt was hard to shake, nonetheless. "How long do you think we'll have to stay there?"

He looked at her strangely. "Couple of days." His eyes returned to the viewport. Looking straight ahead, saying nothing, Han reached out and took her hand in his, settling back in the chair comfortably.

His hand surrounding hers was so warm, so comforting. A nagging in the back of her mind was telling her that she should remove it, but she didn't. "I'm a bit concerned about going someplace so public."

"I wouldn't worry about it. Cloud City's so big, no one'll even notice us."

She was more concerned about him than about herself. Luke had told her about the incident on Ord Mantell. The possibilities of what could have happened to Han had left her shaking. "There is no place big enough not to worry about." She shivered.

From the corner of her eye, she could see him turn to look at her. "Don't worry, Princess," he said softly. "I'll take care of you. Nobody's gonna get near you."

She couldn't say what she was thinking. _It's you I'm worried for. I don't care what happens to me. I just want to keep you safe._ Unable to say something that revealing, Leia settled for something with the same connotation. "Luke told me what happened on Ord Mantell."

As he so often did, Han saw the meaning behind her words. "Hey..." He paused until she looked at him. "Don't worry about me. I've done a fine job of looking out for myself all these years. And a lot of the time, I didn't have anyone else to worry about me." He smiled warmly and began caressing the back of her fingers with his thumb.

Leia was too intrigued by that statement to be distracted by his soft touch. "When was that? What about Dewlanna?"  
He looked at the control panel in front of him, and Leia could see that he regretted his words. When he looked up again, his face had resumed that impassive mask that he wore so well. "It was all a long time ago. Can't even much remember anymore." He shrugged dismissively.

Leia had the strongest urge to hold him. It was obvious from his unwillingness to speak of his past that he'd had a painful experience at some point. She had a feeling that most of his life might have been an ordeal. She wasn't exactly certain why she got that impression, but she was almost positive that her suspicions were right.

On impulse, Leia turned towards him, pulling his hand gently until he almost faced her. "You could tell me what you do remember," she said softly.

For the briefest of seconds, there was a flash of emotion in his eyes, and then it was gone. "Nah...there's not much to tell." He turned back to the viewport, but his hand tightened around hers. He took the last sip of his kaffe and set the cup down on the floor beside his seat.

Leia sighed mentally. There had to be a way to get him to open up about his past. They had shared so much, and yet she knew so little about him. On Rallorin, he had argued that everything she needed to know was right there before her. But she wanted more...she wanted to know what had shaped him into the man he was today.

Tentatively, she suggested quietly, "Why don't you just tell me about Dewlanna. You don't have to tell me anything too specific. Just tell me what she was like."

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His brow furrowed into a pained expression. Leia wondered what he was thinking about that could cause such a strong man to look so agonized.

He clutched her hand to his chest, then began to speak in a low, dispassionate voice. "I was nine when I met Dewlanna."

Leia was flooded with a deep sense of gratitude for just that little sliver of information.

The smallest of smiles sprung gently to his lips. "I remember, I barely came up to her waist. I was this crazy, wild kid, but I dunno, she just took an interest in me." He laughed in a soft, self-conscious manner. "Anyway...she was the cook where I was..."

Instinctively, Leia knew that he was waiting, not wanting to answer if Leia asked him _where_ he was at the time. But she remained silent, ready to take only what he offered.

"She used to make this great Wastril bread...man, she was a great cook." Another wistful smile. Then that forced indifference returned, and she knew she would get no more from him. "So now you know."

She watched him, as he continued to stay exactly where he was, eyes still closed, his hand still holding tight to hers. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Leia reached over and stroked the hair away from his forehead, feeling him tense at her touch. _What am I doing? _She had no answer for herself, as Han relaxed into the caress, keeping his eyes closed, but turning his face towards her.

"Thank you," she said in a heartfelt whisper. Her hand travelled down to his cheek, stroking in a soothing, gentle motion. They remained like that, until finally Han sat up, opened his eyes and focused on the sensor readouts. Leia was slightly taken aback by his sudden shift in attention.

He removed his hand from hers and made a few adjustments. Then he let out a deep sigh before turning back to Leia. There was a strange expression in his eyes, a wistful look of longing, tinged with an almost ironic regret.

"Well..." He simply trailed off, seemingly at a loss for what to say. His eyes held hers as he stood up and just looked at her for the longest moment.

The quiet emotion of the moment touched Leia, causing a sweet affection to wash through her. If nothing else, she loved this man for who he was; really, nothing else mattered just then.

"Thanks for the kaffe," she said softly.

He smiled. "Anytime." Then he turned and left the cockpit.

Leia leaned back in Han's chair, closing her eyes and savoring the gentle emotion he had left behind.

XXX

Making her way from the 'fresher back to the crew quarters, Leia paused when she heard Han's angry voice. It came from the direction of his cabin.

"I don't know what you want!" He was shouting. "You asked me to take you to the fleet, and here I am. What more do you want?"

Bria's voice was lower, but no less angry. "Is it such a hardship for you?"

"Well, let's see. If I wasn't here, I could be on my way to take care of things with Jabba. And I wouldn't be hunted down by the Empire. But, no, here I am, trying to hold my ship together with spit, after the Empire's beaten the hell out of her. I'd call this a hardship!"

Leia's emotions were mixed. Part of her was glad that they weren't getting along. But another part of her had to wonder how much of that had to do with the fact that she was there, distracting Han. And of course, the part of her that felt glad, also felt horribly guilty.

Han was still yelling. "Now what're we gonna do if Lando turns us away? There's nowhere left to go if he won't help us!"

"He'll help us."

He laughed coldly. "You think so, huh? You didn't see him after Ylesia. You wouldn't be so sure if you had."

A brief pause, then Bria spoke again. "Are you going to punish me for that forever?"

Some of the anger left his voice. "I'm not trying to punish you."

"It certainly looks that way from where I'm standing."

"It wouldn't be an issue if you _weren't_ standing there."

"Han...you went back for Princess Leia. Would you really have just left me behind?"

Leia's blood went cold. Her heart stopped as she waited for Han's reply.

His voice lowered. She could almost hear the quiet timbre, but could not make out the words. And then there was silence.

_They must be making up now, _she thought dismally. Trying fervently not to picture _that_, Leia finally retreated to her quarters. She lay down under the covers and curled up in a fetal position, trying to clear her mind.

But the time she had spent in the cockpit with Han earlier was still fresh in her mind, the words they had spoken playing over and over unceasingly.

She almost felt at ease in his company again. She hadn't felt that in a long time. It was an addicting feeling, now that she knew how it felt to be without it. And it was one that she dreaded losing.

_But that's been the problem all along. I know it can't last. And every time I think I've protected myself I realize again that I'm wrong._

A sad sigh escaped her, accompanied by a slow ache that burrowed itself deep inside her. She wondered what Han and Bria were doing, then pushed the thought aside as forcefully as she could.

Friendship. She had to resign herself to that fate. It was the only way for them. There wasn't much time left even for that. If they stayed on Bespin for a couple of days, as he'd said, they had seven days left to them. At the most.

And then he would be gone. That awful word again, sounding so sad and final. _Gone._

A soft knock sounded at the door, and Leia bolted upright. It had to be Han. "Yes?"

"It's me." He didn't sound happy. Leia guessed they hadn't been making up after all.

"Come in."

The door slid open, and Han stood there, bare chested, hair damp as if he'd just showered. He was wearing his usual black pants, with the gold Corellian bloodstripe. For a split second, Leia's breath caught in her throat. Then she recovered, as he strolled into the cabin and sat down on one of the three bunks, next to the one that Leia was occupying. He leaned against the wall, one knee up, his arms wrapped around it. He sighed deeply.

"Something wrong?" she asked, turning to face him and pulling the blanket tightly around herself.

He made a noncommittal grunting sound without looking at her.

Leia watched him quietly, uncertain if she should mention what she had overheard.

"Three more days," he muttered.

The words filled her with a mixture of relief and dread. Yes, she couldn't wait to get off this ship, but when they reached Bespin, she would be three days closer to losing Han forever. She smiled sadly. "Don't worry. You'll be rid of all of us soon enough. Then you can go pay back Jabba the Hutt.

His eyes quickly rose to meet hers. He frowned. "No. No, that's not what I... never mind." He looked down at his hands, rubbing at a spot on his thumb.

They sat quietly, a strange, unfamiliar awkwardness settling over them. When Leia could stand it no longer, she asked, "So, why does Lando dislike Bria?"

He looked up sharply, puzzling over her a moment, gauging what she might have heard. Then he relaxed slightly. "He was at Ylesia," he answered simply.

Leia nodded. She had gathered that much from the argument. "How do you think he'll react to our arrival?"

"I'm not sure. Last time I saw him, he looked like someone had stabbed him in the back...me." He jerked a thumb towards his chest.

"He must realize that it wasn't you who betrayed him."

He rubbed his jaw, his expression unpleasant. "Yeah. Maybe. But showing up with Bria...it won't look good." He let out a loud sigh. "I just don't know."

"Do you think he'll trust us?"

"Well…I suppose he'll figure we can't have anything up our sleeves, since we need help an' all. But still..."

"He won't trust Bria," Leia finished softly for him.

His eyes turned to her, softly quizzical, as if he were wondering how she had known exactly what he was thinking. "No. No, he won't."

The air was suddenly charged with a dizzying emotion. Leia continued to look into his eyes, not daring to ask the questions that brimmed at her lips. She didn't have the right.

"I can't really say I blame him," he continued quietly. "The whole...situation was..." He sighed, struggling for the words. "Just _wrong_." He shook his head sadly.

The sudden urge to tell him that she loved him almost overwhelmed Leia. She couldn't stand to see the hurt in his eyes when he spoke of Ylesia. _This has to stop. I can't allow myself to get carried away again. I have to be strong. _ "What does Bria say about seeing Lando again?"

His lips twisted bitterly. "She thinks it'll be fine. She thinks it's in the past. But she didn't have to see these people after all was said and done."

This had to be the longest conversation they had ever had about Bria. "Maybe she's right," Leia suggested.

He lowered his knees, shifting to lay on his side, head propped on one raised hand. He looked away. "Yeah, maybe." He sounded unconvinced. He ran a hand through his almost-dry hair. Leia smiled at the way it stood up on top, tousled and scruffy looking.

In a gentle whisper, Leia said, "Maybe he's as forgiving a man as you are."

Their gazes locked, and the unspoken emotion increased in its intensity. Leia could _feel_ how much he wanted to close the distance between his bunk and hers. It was clear in his eyes. She felt it just as strongly. But she couldn't allow either of them to act on it. She tore her eyes away, distractedly rearranging the blanket around her. Her heart rate increased as she heard him sit up on the bunk.

"Some people have said I'm just plain stupid, more than forgiving," he said softly.

She knew he meant Chewie. She looked back up at him and smiled, a teasing glint in her eyes. "Well, I never said you weren't stupid."

He smiled back, eyes dancing. "So, what _do _you think?"

She looked down at the floor, considering her words carefully. "I think," she said slowly. "That you're a very good-hearted man." Her eyes stayed on the floor for several moments, and when she finally looked up, Han was staring at her with a tender expression.

"Well, that's one I haven't heard before," he whispered.

She smiled, until he stood and came over to her bunk. He sat down next to her, and Leia felt her heart begin to tremor. She stared up at him, wondering if she looked as frightened as she felt. He didn't move, but just continued to stare into her eyes with that familiar, earnest expression.

His eyes conveyed understanding, as he cupped her chin in his warm, large hand. She was certain he was going to kiss her. He couldn't. He simply _couldn't_. She wouldn't be able to handle it.

But he only pulled the blanket gently away from her, put his arms around her waist, and laced his fingers together. Then he pulled her with him to lay against the pillow, sighing contentedly and spooning his knees behind hers.

Leia had stiffened the moment his arms went around her, and now she lay uneasily in his embrace.

He chuckled softly near her ear, and goosebumps rose on her arms. "Don't worry, Princess," he whispered. "I just want to hold you."

Her heart stopped for an immeasurable amount of time. _I love you._ The words that she couldn't say had never been more heartfelt. She closed her eyes and relaxed against him, feeling his arms tighten around her as she did so. Contentment, comfort, security._ This_ was what she had missed most of all. The feeling of safety and fulfillment in his arms.

A sudden, sobering thought intruded on the peacefulness of the moment. "Han?"

"Yeah?" His deep voice rumbled.

"What if..." She didn't want to have to say it. But it needed to be said. "What if..._someone_...comes looking for you." She couldn't say it. She couldn't say her name while Han was here, lying in her bunk, nestled behind her body, surrounding her with his warmth.

He sighed softly, and Leia could sense his brief discomfort. "Don't worry. I'll leave before day cycle starts."

She couldn't release the new thread of tension. She shifted slightly in his arms.

His hand reached up to stroke her cheek. "Relax. Don't worry about anything. Let's just get some sleep."

She remained quiet for a time, mind restless. "You shouldn't be here," she finally said.

"Yes, I should."

She wanted to form a better argument, but none came to mind. His arms around her, his breath against her cheek, his deep, husky voice near her ear...it all felt so perfect. There was little she could say to fight it.

His lips dropped to softly kiss her ear, and her eyes closed to savor the loving caress.

"Don't worry about anything, Princess. Not just now."

She allowed herself to sink into the gentle comfort of his words, an exhausted, yet pleasant feeling washing through her. Before long, she was drifting to a sweet level of unconsciousness that did not allow her to worry.


	21. Chapter 21: The Beginning of the End

Almost at Bespin...

XXX

Han blinked awake, squinting in the Falcon's emergency lighting. For an instant, he was disconcerted, uncertain of his surroundings. This wasn't his cabin...

He looked down to find Leia snuggled against him, and everything came flooding back to him. Something fluttered in his chest as he watched her sleep. Memories of Rallorin streamed through his mind. He pulled her closer to him, knowing his time here was limited. He glanced at the chrono and saw that he had two hours before he had to get up. He should probably go. But he lingered there, in the princess' bunk, valiantly ignoring the thoughts of what being in bed with her induced.

It was both natural and tortuous to be with her like this. It was tortuous not only for the physical aspects of it, but for the fact that he could only express so much, because of his fear of scaring her off. And of course, he could only spend so much time with her. With Bria onboard...

He knew how stupid it was to spend the night there. If Bria had been looking for him, he didn't know what he was going to say. He only hoped that she had been angry enough to just let him be. He hadn't planned on staying the night with Leia. He had only meant to talk to her, spend some time with her. But once he was there, he found himself unable to leave.

He still didn't want to leave her. He just wanted to put his head back down beside hers and go back to sleep. That was his idea of heaven.

But he couldn't. With a quiet sigh of disappointment, Han removed his arms from Leia and climbed over her small body, feeling a sense of deprivation at being forced away from her. He stood and looked down at her. A deep ache filled him as he simply stared at her beautiful, guileless face. In sleep, she looked like an angel, sent down from the heavens to touch his life in the most profound way. And she had.

Han knelt before her and gently traced a fingertip over her lips. Her eyelids fluttered open at his light touch, and she squinted up at him, the confusion slowly leaving her eyes. They looked at each other for a long, peaceful moment.

"I have to go," Han sighed.

She nodded, but said nothing. Han could see the vulnerability in her gaze. He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the forehead, ignoring the need for more. He stood and walked to the door, stopping as his hand reached the panel to open it. He looked back at Leia and smiled one last time, noting her serious expression. Then he palmed open the door, glanced quickly into the corridor, and was gone.

Leia was left feeling a hundred different emotions: longing, regret, fear, love... She couldn't begin to catalogue them all.

Longing and fear battled for her attention. What were they doing? What was he doing? Why was she allowing it? Each time he came closer, she vowed to herself that she would not let it go any farther. But with each step toward renewed intimacy, she faltered, her strength failing completely.

She could _not_ allow herself to get used to this. How was she going to live without it when he was gone? And he would be gone very, very soon. They were living on borrowed time. That was the reality of the situation.

Even worse, Han was not even hers to lose. It was difficult to remember that when he was with her. The ease with which they fell into sync together made it difficult to remember that _anything_ existed outside of what they shared.

But Bria was very, very real. And the truth was, Leia had no right to be with Han. She never had. Why was it so impossible to remember that?

XXX

Leia sat down at the galley table, finding some comfort in the simple act of sipping her kaffe. She closed her eyes, shutting everything out but the taste of the steaming liquid.

Someone sat down in the chair across from her, and her eyes opened instantly.

_Oh, please no. _

"Your Highness, I've barely seen you the entire trip." Bria smiled.

Leia returned the smile weakly, unable to respond.

"I think everyone's a little tense, with all that's happened. Han certainly is." Her eyebrows rose at the thought.

Leia struggled for a reply. "At least we won't be stuck on board much longer." That was a welcome thought. Particularly at the moment.

Bria stared at the tabletop. "I just hope we get the help we need at Bespin."

Leia heard the nervous regret in the older woman's voice. Obviously, the circumstances at Ylesia were more disturbing to her than Han seemed to believe. "I'm sure everything will be fine," Leia said soothingly.

She was quiet for a long moment, as Leia tried to find a way to politely flee the galley.

Without looking at Leia, Bria said in a low tone, "Han and I had a fight about it last night. He left our bed and didn't come back."

Leia's mind reeled at the words 'our bed'.

Bria continued quietly. "Why he would choose to sleep in the cockpit over such a mild argument is beyond me." She shook her head slowly. "He's worried about what Lando Calrissian's reaction to me will be. I don't want to get into the details, but...well, let's just say that Lando Calrissian has a reason not to like me very much." She stared down at her hands, her expression miserable. "So, Han is afraid that-"

A loud roar came from the galley entrance, and both women were drawn to see Chewie looking at Bria expectantly. He let out a series of grunts and growls.

"Now?" Bria asked, a blank expression on her face.

Chewie grunted an affirmative.

"Isn't it a little early for sabaac?"

Chewie quickly crossed the tiny room, took Bria by the hand and pulled her to her feet. He barked extensively, ushering her out of the galley.

"Um, okay." Reluctantly, Bria shuffled out the doorway. "I guess I'll, uh, get the game set up."

Chewbacca watched her go, then turned to the Princess. Leia blinked up at him. He growled very softly to her, telling her that Han was in the cockpit. He smiled, the softest, gentlest smile Leia had ever seen on his face. Then he patted her softly on the head before leaving to play sabaac with Bria.

A slow, soft smile spread over Leia's face and tears filled her eyes. Chewie's gesture touched her somewhere deep inside, and Leia realized that she would miss him too when they were both gone.

She sighed shakily. There was just too much at stake here.

So that Chewie's efforts would not be wasted, Leia picked up her kaffe cup and headed to the cockpit.

XXX

Leia lay restlessly in her bunk, tossing and turning. It had become routine for Han to come to her bed after Bria had fallen asleep. They would talk for a while, doze off, then eventually Han would return to his own cabin. They were taking an awful risk, but neither could help themselves.

If Han had tried to do anything other than simply be with her, Leia couldn't have handled it. But he didn't so much as kiss her. Thank the Force.

Her heart ached every time she allowed her mind to dwell on the fact that tomorrow, they would arrive at Bespin. Things were certain to change. And she was that much closer to losing him. She had become too accustomed to his warm presence in her bed.

The door slid open, and there he was, quietly approaching her bunk. As he slid under the covers, she teased, "Just walk right in. Don't knock or anything."

He slipped his arms around her, a smirk briefly passing across his handsome features. "It _is_ my ship."

She raised an eyebrow. "So, that means you can do whatever you want?"

"Pretty much." He stayed facing her, his face inches from hers, making her heart pound, causing her breath to rise a bit too quickly from her throat.

She had to have known this was coming. She had pushed it from her mind, but surely, he could only be this close to her for so long before he would act on his impulses. An overwhelming desire travelled a hot, liquid path through her veins. She slowly moved her face from his and rested her cheek in the curve of his shoulder. This simply_ couldn't_ happen. Not here. And especially not now.

She heard his quiet sigh, but could not draw the meaning from it. "Tomorrow..." The word seemed to push itself from his mouth. "Things're gonna be different once we reach Bespin."

She was silent for a long moment. "I know," Leia finally said in the stillness.

His arms tightened around her. "But this..." He paused, attempting to express what he felt, a task Leia knew did not come easy for him. "What we have here...it's...well...it's meant a lot to me."

She closed her eyes, silently willing him to stop. She couldn't stand to hear it. _So, stay. Don't leave me._ Her throat tightened and she could say nothing. She felt his body tense around hers and she knew he was waiting for some sort of response, for her to say something as meaningful. But she couldn't say anything. They both knew he was leaving; it wouldn't help matters to say words that would only make things more painful.

Time seemed to drift sluggishly by until Han backed away from her slightly, his arms depriving her of their embrace. He pulled her chin up and forced her to look at him. His eyes were narrowed.

"What?" she asked cautiously.

"Would it kill you to say what you're feeling?"

Leia glanced away. _Yes, it just might. _"What do you want me to say?"

He dropped her chin from his hand and sat up, turning his back to her. "If you don't know by now, there's no use telling you." His tone had dipped to a chilly anger.

She was unable to give him what he wanted. But she didn't want to fight. She placed a hand against the soft skin of his back. "Han...I think you know how I feel." Her voice was a husky whisper that ended in a sigh.

"How would I?" he asked bitterly. He stood suddenly and turned to face her. "How is it that I always get involved with women like you?"

Her mouth fell open. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"What is this? What are we doing here? You know, I would have done anything for you after Rallorin. _Anything._ And you just tossed that aside. Like it meant nothing. Like it hadn't even happened. And here we are again. After everything we've been through together, you still can't even acknowledge that it was anything." His eyes were filled with hurt but his brow was lowered in anger.

Leia's mind went blank. There was nothing she could say that would pacify him, yet not open her up to more pain.

His shoulders slumped in defeat. "And you still can't." He shook his head, his mouth compressing to a thin line. He turned quickly and left the cabin, slapping the door controls much harder than necessary.

Flabbergasted by this turn of events, Leia covered her mouth with her hand, attempting to still the trembling of her chin. The tears slipped silently down her cheeks. _I've already lost him. I knew this. Why does it hurt so much when he was never mine to lose? _Why did it feel like a gaping hole had been shot through her chest, leaving her heart a broken, bloody mess?


	22. Chapter 22: The Deal

I'm back! Here's a new chapter! Thank you for sticking with this story, I have the best readers!

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Han was in an unbearably bad mood. He saw his old friend Lando Calrissian appear at the entrance to the Cloud City landing platform at the far end. He was accompanied by several armed guards, who held their blasters at the ready. Han's stomach clenched into tight, nervous knots. His anger towards Leia from the night before had not dissipated, but had, in fact, only been fueled by his anxiety about Lando.

Without a trace of his nervousness, Han began sauntering towards Calrissian, arms outstretched. His friendly expression was a sharp contrast to the grim one approaching quickly.

Calrissian stopped a few feet from Han, and bit out between clenched teeth, "Why, you, slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler. You've got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled."  
Affecting his most innocent expression, Han pointed to himself questioningly. He tensed quickly as Lando made a move to punch him, then changed pace completely, throwing his arms around his old friend, startling him into silence. Lando laughed, embracing the Corellian. "How you doing, you old pirate? So good to see you! I never thought I'd catch up with you again. Where you been?"

Han held back his relieved sigh. Although Lando's tone sounded suspiciously phony, it was obvious Han had been forgiven. At the moment, that was what mattered most.

"What are you doing here?" the man asked graciously.

Han gestured toward his ship behind him. "Ahh...repairs. I thought you could help me out."

"What have you done to my ship?" Lando asked, mock menacingly.

Taking the bait, Han responded seriously, "_Your_ ship? Hey, remember, you lost her to me fair and square."

Han heard footsteps behind him as Lando's attention shifted from him to the group coming up behind him.

"And how are you doing, Chewbacca? You still hanging around with this loser?"

Chewie howled a guarded greeting, as Lando's gaze was drawn to another member of their party. He blanched.

"Hello, Lando," Bria said quietly.

Lando looked from Han to Bria, then back again. "Well," he said in a low voice. "I didn't realize the two of you were still a pair." He recovered quickly as his eyes came to rest on Leia. "Hello, what have we here?" His voice took on a new level of interest. "I'm Lando Calrissian. I'm the administrator of this facility." He stepped close to her. "And who might you be?"

Han watched the scene that unfolded before him, a deep, biting jealousy clutching him.

The Princess smiled politely. "Leia."

"Welcome, Leia," he murmured solicitously. He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips, kissing it in a courtly manner.

Unable to say anything, Han simply slung an arm around Lando and guided him away from Leia, hoping his motives weren't too obvious. "Anyway..." Han began. He was quickly cut off by Threepio's intrusion.

"Hello, sir. I am See Threepio, human-cyborg relations. My facilities are at your-"

Han continued to guide Lando in the other direction, leaving Threepio to stand alone indignantly. "Well, really!"

Han continued along with Lando, mulling over old times, trying to ignore that nagging feeling that something was wrong.

XXX

Han lay on the sofa in the beautiful suite they had been assigned. Above him was a skylight, and he found himself staring up at the stars. He had played sabaac for a good part of the evening, after checking out the repairs on the Falcon. Really, he was avoiding the two women in his life.

He was fed up with Leia. She was never going to allow him any closer than he was right now. This wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the pain.

Yet, he wanted her still. That was the worst part. He couldn't stop thinking about what it felt like to hold her, to kiss her, to have her stare at him with those intense eyes of hers...

He shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, grunting with frustration. It wasn't meant to be. It had certainly felt like it was...but it wasn't. And the sooner he accepted that, the better.

_It doesn't matter. I'm outta here soon anyway. And I sure as hell ain't coming back._

But he was going to miss her. She would haunt his thoughts, he knew that. But maybe being away from her would make it easier to push her from his mind.

He wondered vaguely if anyone had found Threepio. He had disappeared right after their arrival, and Han had refused to search for him. After all, he was _her_ droid. He didn't care what happened to that stupid hunk of tin!

Lando had certainly enjoyed playing the gracious host. Particularly to Leia. Han's fists clenched at the thought of the attention his old friend had paid her. Leia didn't seem interested, but it bothered him, nonetheless. The worst part was that there was nothing he could even do about it. But if he had to see Calrissian kiss her hand one more time, he was going to explode.

He wished he could just stop caring, that he could shut off his emotions and just go about his business. But he knew by now that where Leia was concerned, his reactions were extreme in the other direction. He was unable to stop caring.

He couldn't wait to leave here. Aside from wanting to get away from both Leia and Bria, particularly in combination, he had a bad feeling about staying here too long. As if the longer he stayed, the more he was pushing his luck.

_Tomorrow._ With the way the repairs were coming, they would be able to fly out of there tomorrow. Then Han would drop Leia and Bria at the rendezvous point and never look back.

He _hated_ the way his chest constricted at that thought. Why did the thought of never seeing Leia again have to hurt so much?

Once he was away from her, he was sure the pain would subside. He would return to his old life, as a smuggler, a mercenary with no ties. And he sure as _hell_ was going to stay as far away from any romantic entanglements as possible.

With that decision made, Han closed his eyes and willed sleep to overtake him. He was alone with his thoughts for quite a bit longer before he got his wish.

XXX

Leia peeked out of her bedroom, hoping she was alone. With a sigh of relief, she realized that she was. She came fully into the living area, stepping over to the large, panoramic window.

The view was breathtaking. The soft, fluffy clouds surrounding the city radiated a feeling of peace and contentment. Leia watched an orange cloud car weave between the city's towers, thinking that there were no surroundings lovely enough to relax her.

She wasn't sure of anything anymore. She had been so certain that keeping Han at a distance was the right thing to do. But after the argument they'd had the other night she wasn't so sure. He had obviously wanted to hear how she felt about him. What did that mean? If she had told him, if she had said the words...would it have made him want to come back? Or would he still have gone without a backwards glance? The way things stood right now, she doubted he was even considering coming back. Although, she wasn't entirely certain it ever was an option to begin with.

She wrapped her arms around herself, closing her eyes at the thought of never seeing him again. At this point, she didn't think he would even come back for Bria. It wasn't possible that he still loved Bria. She saw too much in his eyes to believe he loved anyone but her.

So why did he never talk about returning, after paying off Jabba?

The apartment door slid open, and Leia felt a sudden sense of dread. _Please let it be Chewie._ The process of turning around seemed to take an eternity.

"Hi," Bria said, walking to one of the white chairs lining the room. She sat down and crossed her legs primly.

"Hello."

"Have you seen Han?"

"No. I haven't seen him all day."

Bria sighed, staring at the floor. "Neither have I. I can't imagine where he's gone off to."

Leia was just about to excuse herself and return to the bedroom, when the door slid open again.

Han strolled through and stopped in his tracks when he saw the two women. A flash of discomfort passed over his features, then was quickly gone, replaced by an impassive mask.

"There you are." Bria jumped up and rushed to his side, hugging him warmly. "We were just talking about you."

Han met Leia's eyes over Bria's head. She wanted to cry, right there. But she couldn't. She bit the inside of her lip and did nothing.

Han pulled himself from Bria's embrace, then addressed the room at large. "The ship is almost finished. Two or three more things and we're in great shape."

"Great," Bria responded. "We need to get moving."

Again, the door opened, and this time Chewie lumbered in, carrying a packing case filled with golden body parts. The sight jolted Leia from her thoughts.

"What happened?" she asked, jumping up to survey Threepio's dismembered body.

Chewie's explanation was translated by Han. "Where? Says he found him in a junkpile."

"Oh, what a mess," Leia said dismally. "Chewie, do you think you can repair him?"

Chewie took a good look at the droid's parts, looked up at Leia and shrugged with uncertainty.

"Lando's got people who can fix him," Han interjected.

"No thanks," Leia said icily. The only thing she had communicated since their arrival was her distrust of Lando.

The door buzzed and slid open yet again, revealing Lando, who stopped at the expressions on their faces. "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?"

"Not really," Leia responded cooly.

Lando's eyes rested on her with an appreciative smile. "You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds."

"Thank you." From the corner of her eye, Leia could see Han's posture shift in annoyance.

"Will you join me for a little refreshment?" Lando turned at Chewie's enthusiastic response. "Everyone's invited, of course." He offered Leia his arm and she could think of no polite way to refuse. As they turned to go, his eyes were drawn Threepio's dismembered form. "Having trouble with your droid?"

Leia's eyes flew to Han and she wondered if he would respect her wishes. He glanced at her before looking at Lando.

"No. No problem. Why?" he asked innocently, then led the way from the suite.

Bria followed closely behind Han, and Lando flashed Leia a quick grin before guiding her to follow. Leia resisted the urge to roll her eyes. If for no other reason, Leia couldn't wait to leave Cloud City so she wouldn't have to tolerate the administrator's advances any longer.

XXX

Han was barely aware of the fact that Bria had taken his arm. The sight of Lando walking arm-in-arm with Leia was burning a hole in his chest. He barely heard Lando droning on and on about his mining facility.

"So, you see," Calrissian was saying. "Since we're a small-time operation, we don't fall into the jurisdiction of the Empire."

"So, you're part of the mining guild then?" Leia asked curiously.

"No, not actually. Our operation is small enough not to be noticed...which is advantageous for everybody, since our customers are anxious to avoid attracting attention to themselves."

Han's attention was drawn to the door at the far end of the corridor they had just entered. "Aren't you afraid the Empire's going to find out about this little operation of yours and shut you down?"

Lando nodded. "That's always been a danger looming like a shadow over everything we've built here. But things have developed that will ensure security. I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever."

The group reached the doors and they slid open. Han's gaze shifted from Lando to the room before him where-

Darth Vader! Faster than anyone could blink, Han's blaster was in his hand, pumping out laser fire at the Dark Lord standing at the head of the long table.

Just as quickly, and with even less effort, Vader raised his hand to deflect the bolts, then motioned towards Han's blaster. In a flash, it was yanked from the smuggler's hand, to go flying across the room, where Vader caught it with ease.

Han looked at his empty hand in utter shock. _What the hell?!_ He had _never_ seen anything like that in his life.

From across the room, Vader's ominous, computer modulated voice broke the shocked silence. "We would be honored if you would join us." Boba Fett, the bounty hunter, stepped out of nowhere to stand beside Vader. From behind them, an entire squadron of stormtroopers appeared. There was nowhere to go.

Han turned to Lando, the sharp sting of betrayal seeping in to join the anger in his eyes.

"I had no choice," Lando said in a firm, quiet voice. "They arrived right before you did. I'm sorry."

Everything was crashing down around Han. But he kept his cool. "I'm sorry too," he said, in a low, menacing tone.

He looked briefly at his friends. Chewie looked just about ready to rip Calrissian's arms off. Bria refused to meet his eyes. And Leia...

Leia stood as tall and strong as her small form would allow. He knew the deep, gnawing fear she had of Vader ever since her torture on the Death Star. When she met his eyes, an unspoken emotion passed between them. He nodded to her, then turned to enter the room.


	23. Chapter 23: I Can Hear Your Heart

This chapter is short, but I think you will find it interesting. Thank you to all for reading, and extra thanks to those who take the time to review :) every review is greatly appreciate 3

XXXX

Leia sat on the floor of the cell, huddled near Chewbacca, trying to block out the sight of Bria with Han's head in her lap, stroking his hair tenderly. Han had been tortured mercilessly on a scan grid, jolts of electricity pumped through his body. Her own torture had been mild in comparison. Or perhaps it was that she had been able to hear his screams of agony the entire time, therefor she had been unable to focus on anything else, including her own pain.

When the stormtroopers had dragged him into the cell, she had wanted nothing more than to rush to his side, had almost done so, in fact. But before she could blink, Bria was there, helping Chewie to lead him gently to the nearest sleeping pallet.

Then Lando had come, explaining to them that it was Luke that Vader wanted. And that Han was going to be...

She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, fighting against tears flooding her heart. That bounty hunter...Fett. He was going to take Han. He was going to bring him to Jabba the Hutt.

A wave of dizziness swept through her and she began to shake uncontrollably. She felt Chewie's huge arms go around her, steadying her. She opened her eyes to see an equally mournful expression in his. She patted his arm unconvincingly to show him that she was all right. She could tell he didn't believe her as he placed a hand on her head with more gentleness than one would expect from a being of his size.

Her eyes were drawn morbidly to Bria and Han. He appeared to be asleep. Bria's eyes never left his face.

What would Jabba do to him? After all this money and effort to get him, Leia couldn't imagine that the Huttese crime lord would simply let him go. _ Will he...kill him? _her mind whispered meekly. _He can't die, he just can't._ There had to be a way out of this. Surely when Han woke up, he would think of something. He always did. This time couldn't be any different. It just couldn't be...

She wondered what Vader planned to do with her. Calrissian seemed to be deluding himself into thinking that Chewie, Bria, and she would be allowed to remain in his care at Cloud City. He was a fool. Perhaps Leia would be taken as a prize to Emperor Palpatine. In the past, such a thought would have sparked sheer terror within her. Now, her concern for Han overshadowed any fear for herself.

And how did Luke fit into any of this? What could Vader possibly want with him, that he would go to such lengths to get him? It made no sense. She wished she could discuss it with Han, but it didn't look as if that possibility was forthcoming.

Chewie growled very softly in her ear, something about Han...he loved her? Something like that...

It only brought fresh tears to her eyes, tears she could not give into. She closed her eyes, allowing Chewie's comfort. There had to be a way out of this nightmare.

XXX

Han wondered why he was the only one whose hands were bound. That seemed very odd. They were being led through the corridors by a group of stormtroopers, himself in the lead, Leia and Bria behind him, and Chewie in the rear. The Wookiee had rigged some sort of net and was carrying the half assembled Threepio on his back.

They were brought to a huge, dark chamber that was bathed in harsh, orange light. It looked like some sort of processing chamber, but Han couldn't imagine what kind, or why they had been brought there. He saw Vader and Fett. And Lando.

They were brought to a spot just behind Calrissian, and Han leaned toward him to ask with quiet sarcasm, "What's going on..._buddy?_"

Lando spoke low, from the corner of his mouth. "You're being put into carbon freeze."

_Carbon Freeze?_ Could a human even survive that? A tremor of fear ran through him, but was quickly replaced by concern for his friends. Especially Leia...

What would Vader do to her? Han didn't know the details of what had happened the last time she was in his clutches, but he knew the experience had left her shaken to the core with a numbing fear. _And I can't protect her. I can't do a damned thing for her! _He wasn't used to feeling this helpless.

Fett strode to Vader's side. "What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me."

Han turned to Leia, unable to meet her eyes with Bria standing right beside her. He hoped Leia knew what he truly felt. There would be no chance to express it now.

"The Empire will compensate you if he dies. Put him in!" Vader ordered.

Chewbacca let out a loud, mournful howl, rushing the stormtroopers who had their weapons trained on Han. He attacked them with a frenzy, knocking them aside, oblivious to the danger he put himself in through his actions.

But Han was well aware of the possible consequences. There was nothing he cared about more at this moment than the safety of his friends.

Threepio's voice was heard below the din of confusion. "Oh, no! No, no, no! Stop, Chewbacca, stop!"

"Stop, Chewie, stop! Do you hear me? Stop!" Han broke away from the guards who held him and reached Chewie just as the troopers were raising their rifles.

Threepio spoke from over the Wookiee's shoulder. "Yes, stop, please! I'm not ready to die!"

Chewie roared in protest. "Chewie, Chewie, this won't help me. Hey!" Han _had _to get through to him, before he got himself killed. He gazed at him sternly. "Save your strength. There'll be another time." He was beginning to calm, now only staring at Han with agony in his eyes. "You know what you need to do for me, don'tcha, pal?" His eyes motioned toward where Leia was standing, and he saw Chewie's eyes follow, recognition lighting them. Han nodded grimly. "Don't let me down, I'm counting on you."

Stormtroopers slipped binders on Chewie's wrists as Han reasoned with him. He didn't protest, just continued to stare at his friend mournfully, one last wail escaping him before Han turned from him to where Leia and Bria were standing. He hadn't the slightest idea of what he was going to do or say. He wanted, more than anything, to take Leia in his arms. This might be his last chance. But he couldn't. He kept his eyes on the floor, until Bria flung herself at him, kissing him fully on the mouth. He allowed it, but did not really return the kiss.

When she let him go, he continued to stare at the floor as two troopers led him to the round hydraulic platform in the center of the room and removed his wrist binders. Han could hear his heart pounding furiously, and wondered if everyone could hear it.

_Thump-thump!_

_Thump-thump!_

Chewie howled again as the platform began to lower; Han's stomach dipped with the movement.

_Thump-thump!_

_Thump-thump!_

His heart hammered louder now...couldn't they hear it? He looked up finally, meeting Leia's eyes; the platform slowly lowered, seeming to move quickly, yet at the same time almost barely moving at all.

_Thump-thump!_

_Thump-thump!_

His heart only pounded louder when he looked at Leia. She looked stricken. He wanted to tell her that he would be okay, that he always came through, that she shouldn't count him out yet...

She was beginning to edge from his field of vision, as the platform continued its descent.

Did she know how deep his feelings for her were? Did she realize _now_ that she loved him? The powerful feeling of love that surged through him left him weak and dizzy, wondering how any of this had happened...

_Thump-thump!_

Suddenly there was almost nothing beneath him, an all-consuming pain wrapped itself deep within his body, and he threw his head back, opening his mouth in a silent scream.

_Thump-thump!_

_Thum-_


	24. Chapter 24: Grasp

Thank you again everyone! We now enter ROTJ...

XXX

Princess Leia made her way to the medical unit on board the Millennium Falcon, where Luke was recovering from the loss of his hand. There were a lot of things she didn't understand about what had happened between Luke and Vader, but at the moment she couldn't begin to form the questions. She held onto the bulkhead as she walked, uncertain if she could stand without the support.

Han was lost to her now. _Lost. _The grief that consumed her was unlike any she had ever experienced before. It was comparable to, yet different from, Alderaan.

They had narrowly escaped from the Empire, and had just as narrowly missed rescuing Han.

The mere thought of his name brought with it a heart wrenching agony that swept through her spirit, leaving it with nothing but a profound sense of loss. She stopped walking, eyes closing against the pain. She didn't think she could survive it. It was even worse than she had imagined.

The memory of his body, frozen in both time and carbonite, made her heart ache for him. What must that be like for him? She was afraid to find out for certain. She fervently hoped that it was a state of unconsciousness, like sleep. She couldn't bear to imagine him suffering.

But the process...the process must surely have been agony. The image of his face, contorted in frozen horror, flashed through her mind, and the tears she had held back now flowed freely, coursing down her cheeks, running past her lips in silent despair. For a man like Han Solo to have held such a horror-filled expression...she didn't want to imagine the pain. It must have truly been unbearable.

_Oh, Han, where are you? You can't be lost to me._ She continued to weep silently, regret eating away at her. _You were right, I should have told you. I should have told you how much you mean to me. I should have told you that I love you, more than anything._

She had wasted precious time, protecting herself from a hurt that, despite the emotional armor, was worse than she could ever have imagined. She should have cherished every second they had in their grasp, instead of pushing him away in fear.

The memories flooded her. His kindness when she was attacked, his understanding when she told him about Vader and Alderaan. Their time on Rallorin, the passion and the tenderness. The trip to Bespin, the way he risked all just to be near her. The blissful sensation of his skin against hers; the feel of his breath against her lips; the way his voice sounded when he said "I love you, Princess."

Overwrought, Leia realized she had no control left to her. She ran to the crew quarters, all thoughts of needing to see Luke now forgotten. When she reached her bunk, she threw herself onto it and sobbed, in long heart aching gasps that left her dizzy and barely able to breathe. She had no strength left for this. If they didn't find him, she didn't know how she would go on. She _needed_ him. It pained her to admit that, but it was true.

She lay there for a long time, spent, until she had no more tears left. She was more exhausted than she could ever remember being, but she couldn't rest, not now, not until Han was safely with her again.

She pulled herself together, went to the 'fresher and washed her face until the evidence of her misery was no longer visible. When she emerged, Bria was passing by. It took all of Leia's courage and resolve to ask in a slightly quavering voice, "How are you?"

Bria turned to her, and it was obvious that she too had been crying. "I'm not sure," she answered shakily. "I think I'm in shock."

Unable to stop herself, Leia reached over and placed her arms around her. She knew how Bria felt.

Bria gripped her tightly. "I forget, you cared for him too," she whispered softly.

A feeling of unreality washed through Leia, but over that was recognition. "_Cared?_" She pulled away and looked at Bria. "He's not gone yet." She could hear the panic in her own voice.

Bria sighed and closed her eyes. "I know these Hutts. He won't be allowed to live." Her brow furrowed in dismay.

"But you're going to go after him...aren't you?"

Bria's eyes opened and she stared at the Princess sadly. "I can't. I wouldn't make it in time. And the Rebellion needs me."Her lips trembled.

Leia gaped at her. "How can you just abandon him?" she whispered harshly.

Bria's expression was slowly shifting to anger. "I'm not abandoning him. There's little choice in the matter."

Leia wanted to knock her off her feet, but her sense of dignity prevailed. "And you claim to_ love_ him?" she asked incredulously.

Bria stared at her for a long moment, a slow realization traveling across her features until it finally fully dawned on her. "Oh my gods..." she said in soft wonder. "You were in love with him too."

Leia tried to deny it, but couldn't find her voice. She watched as Bria's expression grew hard and cold. Then she pivoted and strode aft.

Before Leia could process what had just happened, Chewie came from out of the shadows, as if he had been standing there all along. She looked up at him, craning her neck to see his expression. But he simply took her hand in his and brought her to the galley. She was too distraught to wonder why, as he maneuvered her into a chair and began preparing some kaffe.

He didn't say a word until he had handed her a cup and she began to sip it gratefully, the steaming kaffe warming the tiniest part of her soul.

He grumbled in a slow, soft voice.

His care helped her to understand his words. She closed her eyes. "Yes," she whispered. "I'm okay."  
His growl was disbelieving, but it didn't matter.

She opened her eyes and almost smiled. "I guess you're right. I am a mess." Her expression sobered and her eyes filled with tears she hadn't known were left to her. "We have to find him."

He reached across the table and took her tiny hand gently in his own. She stared in wonder at how her own hand seemed to simply disappear. Chewie grunted and barked a long explanation. It seemed a promise to return Han to her, as well as an idea of how he would go about that.

Leia hadn't grasped it all, but it caused a fearful hope to surge through her. She squeezed his hand tightly. "I'm going with you."

He roared, a bit more loudly, in protest, immediately defending the position Han had put him in as her protector.

"What better way to keep me safe than to keep me with you?" she argued.

He howled again, arguing against the danger she would surely be in.

"I'm going with you," she insisted, her voice gaining strength.

He sighed harshly, making a wry comment about bossy princesses.

Leia couldn't help but smile. It made her think of Han.

Here was her hope. Chewie would look for Han until the galaxy ceased to exist. And surely, Luke could be counted on also. Even Lando had already commented about embarking on a rescue mission.

Chewie finally nodded his reluctant agreement, and on impulse, Leia jumped from her chair and threw her arms around her hairy friend. For a brief second, he seemed taken aback, but then his arms went around her, cradling her gently.

Leia realized in that moment that she couldn't allow herself to be afraid of love. Her friends were all she had. And together they _would_ rescue Han.

XXX

Leia Organa sat in the galley of the Millennium Falcon, waiting for Luke and Chewbacca. They had been staked out here on Tatooine for weeks now, awaiting some word of Han. She wasn't sure how she had gotten through the past six months. It had seemed to pass both quickly and slowly. With each new lead that was lost, Leia had felt the chances of rescuing Han slipping through her fingers at breakneck speed. And the nights alone, without him...they had been endless.

Those last few nights with him, on the way to Bespin. played through her mind continually; the way they had lain together in chaste intimacy. Those moments were even more meaningful to her than the time they shared together on Rallorin. Those nights he had wanted nothing from her, just to simply exist beside her.

The tears could no longer come. She was too weary to cry. She had no strength left for it.

Chewie had been her one comfort these past months. She had expected it to be Luke, but Luke had changed somehow. He seemed preoccupied and distant. And sad, somehow. She hadn't been able to get him to tell her what had transpired with Vader on Bespin. Whatever it was, he seemed traumatized, both physically and emotionally. And so, lost in his own thoughts, he was unable to comfort Leia.

That odd moment at Bespin, when Luke had spoken in her mind, came to her. She wanted to ask him about it. It was confusing. But somehow, she was almost afraid to. She wasn't sure she wanted to know how he had been able to do that. It was disconcerting.

Chewie had remained by her almost continually. His presence now seemed as natural to her as her own shadow. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she hadn't had a Wookiee at her back, watching over her, protecting her. He reassured her, over and over, that they would find Han. That he would be with them again. When things had looked bleak and she had broken down and wept, Chewie had held her, making soft sounds of comfort. She had confided in him, and only him, how much she loved Han, how he meant everything to her. He hadn't seemed the least bit surprised.

The sudden sounds of the Falcon's ramp lowering startled her from her thoughts and her stomach fluttered nervously, as it did every time she waited for information on Han. She heard the hatch closing, then the sounds of footsteps.

"Leia?" Luke's voice called.

"In the galley."

In a moment, Luke and Chewie joined her, and their expressions of excitement caused a hopeful surge to burst through Leia's soul.

"He's there!" Luke said, eyes bright.

Leia closed her eyes, unable to speak, overwhelmed with relief and gratitude. The moment was short lived, as fear again took over and she opened her eyes. "Is he...?" She couldn't complete the sentence.

Luke exchanged a glance with Chewie. "He's still frozen in carbonite," he said gently.

She covered her mouth with her hand, feeling suddenly ill. All this time...all this time and he was still encased in that frozen tomb.

Chewie whuffled softly, assuring Leia that Han was safer in the carbonite than he would be had Jabba released him. The Hutt's ways of punishment were far worse than suspended animation.

Leia nodded, unable to remove the stricken look from her face. "So, what's next?"

"Well, Lando's already in place," Luke replied. "We'll send the droids ahead, then you and Chewie get into position."

Leia was almost amazed by Luke's sudden take-charge attitude. He sounded so self-assured. Where was that young farm boy?

"I'll follow last, the next morning." Luke glanced from Leia to Chewie. "What do you think?"

Chewie growled his agreement. Leia was too tense to be so agreeable.

"What do you have planned, Luke? I understand the parts we're all going to play, but I don't see how we're going to pull this off." She was barely able to contain her panic.

Luke sat down across from her at the table and took her hand in his. "Don't worry, Leia," he said gently. "I'll take care of everything."

His words did not have the desired effect. She just jumped up and began pacing the small room. "We have to get him out of there. We have to." She stopped suddenly and looked at Luke. "Have you thought this through? Why don't you just tell me what you have planned."

Luke stood and placed a hand across her cheek. "Trust me," he said simply.

The quiet words somehow calmed her. She could almost feel the steadfast confidence, the certainty, radiating from Luke. If he believed this strongly that they would rescue Han, then, surely, he couldn't be wrong.

"All right," she said softly. "When do we get this started?"

Luke smiled. "I have something I have to do. I'm taking Artoo with me. When we get back, I'll send him and Threepio on their way. A few hours later, you and Chewie will follow."  
She nodded anxiously. She wanted to argue that they should send the droids now, that there was no time to waste, but she held her tongue.

Luke smiled and kissed her forehead. The gesture made her think of Han, and she took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "I'll be back," Luke said softly. Then he turned and left.

Leia looked at Chewie. There was nothing left to say. They had both said it all in the past six months. Despite his reassuring words, Leia could see in his eyes the same concern and fear that she knew was present in her own. He only hid it better.

XXX

In her disguise as the bounty hunter Boushh, Leia made her way silently to Jabba the Hutt's main audience chamber. It was late, or early, depending on how one looked at it, and the mass of drunken revelers had all either disappeared or passed out. She could see quite a few unconscious aliens sprawled in various states across the floor.

The helmet she wore to conceal her identity detracted from her field of vision, and she winced, her heart jumping nervously, as her head smacked into a set of noisy, jangling windchimes. She stilled them with her hand and glanced around nervously. No one seemed to have stirred, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

She wondered vaguely where Chewie had been taken. He had played his role as her prisoner well, and she knew that the hardest part had been leaving Leia to fend for herself. But they would both go to any lengths to rescue Han.

She continued into the chamber, until she stood before his frozen form. Her breath caught at the sight of him, that anguished expression that had never left her mind now a reality in front of her, hanging like some sick trophy on Jabba's wall.

Leia stared at him reverently, almost afraid to release him, for fear of what she might find. But she pushed that aside, reached for the controls and lowered the carbonite slab to the ground. It thudded noisily, causing the floor to shake, and the sound echoed through the chamber. Leia jumped, glancing around fearfully. Mercifully, no one seemed to have been alerted. She made the adjustments that would allow him to be freed, then stepped back, waiting with her heart in her throat.

Electronic sounds were emitted from the base, high pitched whistles that only increased Leia's nervousness. She stepped back, watching in fascinated horror as the carbonite covering Han's entire body began to glow a pulsing red.

_He has to be all right. Please, let him be all right._ A tightness gripped her chest, as tiny beams of white light penetrated the hard shell covering his face, then caused it to begin slowly melting away. Soon, the entire front of the casing had disappeared, and Leia couldn't move, stood rooted to the spot, as she watched his slack, seemingly lifeless body fall slowly to the floor with a sickening thud.

Shaking with fear, Leia knelt beside him and gripped his body, moving to turn him over. Suddenly, he took in a sharp breath, and Leia also resumed breathing, without having realized that she had stopped. Tears of relief stung her eyes, but she held them in check; there was no time for them now.

Han was trembling, sweating, his breath was coming in rapid gasps. But he was _alive._

All she wanted to do was soothe him and make good their escape. "Just relax for a moment. You're free of the carbonite." Her voice was a mechanical wheeze through the filter of her helmet.

Han's hand came up to his face. Leia's heart was breaking for him; he looked so utterly confused and disoriented. "You have hibernation sickness," she told him.

"I can't see." His voice was as close to panic as Han Solo could get.

"Your eyesight will return in time." She had to get them out of there, but his pain and discomfort rendered her motionless.

"Where am I?" he rasped.

"Jabba's palace."

His hand touched her helmet for just an instant and he drew back, frightened. "Who are you?"

Unable to stand it any longer, seeking to console him, Leia reached up and lifted the helmet away from her face, placing it aside. She had to say the words, she had to let him know. "Someone who loves you," she whispered, the tears in her eyes renewed.

"Leia?" he gasped, disbelieving.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Leia grabbed his face in her hands, kissing him hard on the mouth, the pent-up fear and loneliness swiftly overtaking her. His seeming inability to catch his breath was the only thing that made her pull her lips from his.

"I've gotta get you out of here." She helped Han to a standing position, feeling that everything was suddenly, blissfully fine. As she shouldered some of his weight, that feeling of well-being was quickly shattered.

An obscene, guttural laugh filled the chamber.

"What's that?" Han asked in a shaky voice.

The laugh came again, more loudly this time.

"I know that laugh," Han said dismally, voice still breathy and shaking.

Leia's heart sank to her stomach as a curtain on the far side of the room came away to reveal the gross form of Jabba the Hutt, accompanied by a mass of grotesque aliens, who all joined in Jabba's gleeful laughter.

Impressively, Han immediately began his defense. Unimpressively, he was speaking to a point over Leia's head, away from where Jabba reclined on his dais. Mid-sentence, Leia spun him around to face the giant slug. "Hey, Jabba. Look, Jabba, I was just on my way to pay you back," Han sputtered through his trembling. "But I got a little side tracked. It's not my fault."

Jabba laughed in deliberate taunt. He spoke to the smuggler in his native language of Huttese. _It's too late for that, Solo. You may have been a good smuggler, but now you're bantha fodder_. He laughed again, a vile sound that violated the Princess' ears.

"Look-" Han began.

_Take him away_! Jabba ordered.

Guards moved toward Han, grabbing him roughly, wrenching him from Leia's grasp.

"Jabba…I'll pay you triple! You're throwing away a fortune here, don't be a fool!"

And he was gone.

Leia looked after him, her heart going with him. She couldn't believe this was happening. She was dimly aware of Lando's presence, coming up alongside of her, probably trying to save her from the worst possible fate.

Jabba's words halted his actions. _Bring her to me!_

Leia felt Lando hesitate. He must have realized there was no choice in the matter, because he obeyed Jabba, bringing her to him, pushing her up against his bulk.

From behind the crime lord, Leia caught sight of Threepio's glinting metal form. "We have powerful friends," she told the slug regally, head held high, determined not to show her revulsion. "You're going to regret this."

_I'm sure_. The obese thug then stuck out his disgusting, slobbering tongue and licked Liea's face. She turned away, unable to hide such disgust. This was most certainly repulsive, but she had endured worse. Indeed, what she had gone through on the Death Star had been far, far worse.


	25. Chapter 25: And the Blind Shall Now See

Sorry for the wait, finally edited more of the story, hope you like it :)

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Han was shoved roughly into a room he could not see. He could only hear the slam of metal behind him. He stumbled through a puddle, overwhelmed and confused. Leia...

Leia had said she loved him.

Before that thought could progress, Han heard a low, familiar woofing sound.

"Chewie? Chewie, is that you?"

With a deafening roar, the Wookiee was suddenly hugging Han tightly- a bit too tightly- and howling with delight.

"Ah! Chew- Chewie!" Although Han was thrilled to be reunited with his friend, he was being crushed. Chewie continued to bark gleefully, as Han tried to extricate himself from the embrace. "Wait, I can't see, pal. What's going on?"

Barely letting go of his captain, Chewbacca began a long explanation of what had gone on in his absence.

"What?" Han asked incredulously. "Leia left the Rebellion to come after _me_?" This was shocking news. "How long has it been? Since Bespin, I mean." It must have been a few weeks.

Chewie's soft response left Han reeling.

"Six months?!" _Six months?_ He had lost six whole months of his life? It didn't seem possible.

Chewie continued speaking, telling Han of how they had searched endlessly for him.

Han's mind wavered between the time he had lost, and thoughts of Leia. Six months for her...several minutes for him. The gap seemed so vast, unthinkable. What could she possibly have been thinking these past months? The last things Han could recall were how angry he had been at her, the night before they reached Bespin; and his regret just before he was put into carbonite, which seemed just minutes earlier.

That night on the Falcon, when he had fought with her...he had felt so hurt by her inability to say even the slightest meaningful thing to him. He'd felt hurt and fed up. He had done everything he knew how to get through to her, to make her face her feelings and his. By the time they'd reached Bespin, he had decided to give up on women altogether.

But now he wasn't sure what to think. She had left the Alliance for him. And she had said it...

_Someone who loves you._

The words echoed in his mind, her voice like poignant music. Had she meant it? Was it something she said in the emotion of the moment? What would it take for her to run away from him again? Han didn't want to go through that again, he just couldn't.

Chewie was talking about Luke now, telling him that he was a Jedi Knight somehow, that the kid had changed.

"A... Jedi Knight? I-I'm out of it for a little while and everybody gets delusions of grandeur." Gods, he felt nauseous.

Chewie growled insistently, and Han was suddenly too exhausted to argue. He allowed his furry friend to turn him about and place an arm around his torso. As one large paw slicked back his hair, Han winced at the fur falling in his face. Chewie grumbled his relief, and Han placed a comforting hand on the arm around him.

"I'm all right, pal. I'm all right."

XXX

The oppressive Tatooine sun made Han feel like he was being baked alive. And it wasn't helping his nausea either. Luke, Chewie, and he were bound at the wrists, on a skiff, sailing along the Dune Sea beside Jabba's enormous Sail Barge. At least this is what Luke and Chewie had told him was going on...he could still barely see.

"I think my eyes are getting better," Han said loudly. "Instead of a big, dark blur, I see a big, light blur."

"There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know," Luke said from beside him.

Han turned toward the blur that was his friend. "You're gonna die here, ya know. Convenient."

Luke's voice was wistful, and Han could just _picture_ his expression. "Just stick close to Chewie and Lando. I've taken care of everything."

_That_ did not inspire the utmost confidence in Han. "Oh...great."

They resumed their former silence, and Han's thoughts were drawn back to Leia. Luke and Chewie had both told him that she was fine, but he had a sinking feeling that there was something they weren't telling him.

Regardless of her safety, Han was still uncertain as to what his feelings were for her now. He couldn't deny that he still loved her...but he wasn't certain that he could trust her with his heart, yet again.

Hell, maybe they would all die out here and it wouldn't even matter.

He felt the skiff come to a slow stop. He heard movement to his left, and realized that Luke was being moved away from him. After a long, confusing moment, Threepio's prissy voice came from everywhere, amplified, ringing out across the sand strewn desert.

"Victims of the almighty Sarlacc: His Excellency hopes that you will die...honorably."

Han sighed. He didn't like listening to Threepio even on his best days.

The protocol droid continued. "But should any of you wish to beg for mercy, the great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas."

Han had had just about enough of this. With his usual brash demeanor, he stepped forward and shouted, "Threepio, you tell that slimy piece of.." he faltered momentarily, seeking a proper insult. "...worm ridden filth," he finally spat. "He'll get no such pleasure from us." He leaned towards Chewie for confirmation. "Right?"

Chewie paused, then roared his agreement.

Luke's voice met Han's ears, sounding freakishly confident, all things considered.

"Jabba! This is your last chance. Free us...or die."

Han could hear the laughter on the Sail Barge from where he stood. Chewie growled softly, telling Han that Luke was about to be the Sarlaac's first victim. He heard the spectators cheering expectantly and footsteps where he knew the plank must be.

There was a sudden, springing sound, as the cheers grew to a roar, and then Chewie growled in surprise and Han saw a dark blur soar past him, tumbling end over end. What had Chewie said? It was Luke? Now the spectators howled with outrage, denied their bloodlust.

Another, smaller object went careening past Han's limited vision, and when he heard the snap-hiss, saw a bright blue glow, he knew that it was Luke's lightsaber. He couldn't believe the kid had gotten free!

Through a series of yells, Han realized that Luke was overpowering the guards, and Chewie cries of encouragement alerted him to Lando's participation as well. _Damn, I gotta get these restraints off, I can't just sit this one out. Even blind I can help!_

But with his hands bound, Han just leaned away from the fray, waiting for circumstances to change. Quickly, his prayers were answered, as Luke's voice was heard.

"Easy, Chewie," he said soothingly, as he released the Wookiee's bonds.

A huge blast rocked the small skiff, throwing both Han and Chewie to the deck. A distant yell grabbed Han's attention. Chewie howled, moving to release Han. 

"Whoa! Whoa! Help!" That was Lando. Despite the betrayal at Bespin, Han couldn't allow him to be eaten by the Sarlacc.

As Han shrugged out of his binders, the skiff was again jolted, and Chewie roared in pain. "Chewie, you're hit? Where is he?"

"Han! Chewie!" Lando's voice sounded again as Chewie directed Han.

"Lando," Han muttered to himself, trying to figure out how he would get to him. He followed the wounded Wookiee's directions until his hand locked on a long spear. He stood up to make a shot at reaching Lando, but Chewie's desperate barks stopped him short. _Boba Fett?_ "Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where?" He turned backwards blindly, and his spear collided with something solid, causing an explosive gust of air to blast Han in the face. He looked up to see the dark form of Fett flying through the air, his jet pack hurtling him uncontrollably. His scream died as he plunged into the Sarlacc Pit. Han couldn't suppress a satisfied grin.

He swiftly moved to the edge of the skiff, dangling the spear over toward Lando. "Lando, grab it!"

"Lower it!" Lando shouted back.

"I'm trying," Han bit out, attempting to lower the spear further. A blast rocked the skiff and Han was suddenly slipping over the side, his stomach lurching. He heard Lando yell, then suddenly he sounded farther away, closer to the Sarlacc. Han's foot caught on the railing, the only thing that kept him from falling completely overboard. "Whoa! Whoa! Grab me, Chewie! I'm slipping!"

Chewie took a firm grip on Han's feet, and this new, upside down position allowed Han to get much closer to where Lando was. He was almost there. With the blood rushing to his head, he could make out the dark shape of Lando and his proximity to the spear.

"Grab it! Almost... you almost got it!" If he could just get it a tiny but closer... There! He had it!

A burst of laser fire caused the skiff to buck again, and the spear was knocked from Lando's grasp. Han grunted in frustration.

"Hold it! Whoa!" Lando exclaimed, slipping slightly farther toward the pit.

Han could just make out Lando where he was perched precariously. Han thrust the spear as far as he could reach. "Gently, now," he instructed Lando. "All...all right. Now easy, easy." He felt Chewie's grip on his feet faltering. "Hold me, Chewie."

One of the Sarlacc's long, grotesque tentacles snaked out to grab Lando, dragging him steadily toward it's quivering maw. Lando screamed.

"Chewie!" Han yelled in panic. He had only one idea left to him. "Chewie, give me the gun!" He felt above him until his hand came to rest on the butt of a blaster. "Don't move, Lando!" he hollered, taking aim.

Lando covered his head with his hands. "No wait! I thought you were blind!"

As if there were any other choice in the matter? "It's all right. Trust me. Don't move."

"All right! A little higher! Just a little higher!"

With intent concentration, Han took aim and fired a shot that hit directly on the mark. The tentacle pulled back with lightning speed, releasing Lando, who scrambled up the sandy hill to grab hold of the spear clutched in Han's hand.

"Chewie, pull us up. All right, up, Chewie, up!" He didn't think he could possibly get up to the skiff fast enough.

When they were all safely aboard, Han tried to orient himself. They were the only ones on the skiff, and he found himself very concerned for Luke...and Leia. He strained his eyes, struggling to see what was going on aboard the Sail Barge, but it was too far, and too blurry.

He forced his attention to his wounded friend. "How bad it is, Chewie?" he asked. Chewie didn't think it was too bad. "There's gotta be a medkit here somewhere." As he searched, half-blindly, Chewie yelped, and Han followed his gaze to see something descending upon them in a quick arc. It swooped to the skiff, landing gracefully, and Han realized with a start that it was Luke and Leia.

"Let's go," Luke said to Lando. "And don't forget the droids."

"We're on our way," Lando answered boisterously. None of them wanted to linger there a moment longer than necessary.

A tremendous explosion came from the Sail Barge, and even with Han's limited sight it was blinding. Little by little, the barge erupted into flames.

As the skiff began to move, Han took the medkit that Chewie offered. He began to clean Chewie's wound, his heart pounding, knowing that Leia was somewhere behind him. He was vividly aware of her presence, and had never been so uncertain of how to act with her. He still felt sick, and wearier than he could ever remember. Right now, he simply didn't have the energy to sort out his feelings.

"How do you feel?" Her soft voice was like a spark through his soul, squeezing his heart with emotion.

"All right." She was right there, behind him. He felt her hand rest on his shoulder and resisted the urge to tell her not to touch him, that it was too painful.

"Can you see?"

"A little bit."

Chewie whuffled softly, suggesting that Han allow him to tend to his own wound.

"No, I've got it," Han insisted. He didn't want to turn around, he didn't want to see her.

Chewie growled more insistently now: He should mend things with the Princess, make things right.

Han closed his eyes. Damned furball. When would he learn to keep his mouth shut? "If you're sure..." he said in a dispassionate voice.

The Wookiee grunted an affirmative, then took the medkit from his friend.

Han could do nothing but stand up and turn around. His eyes found her, and he wasn't quite sure if he was seeing her right. She seemed to have an awful lot of skin exposed. He squinted down at her. "What...what is that you're wearing?"

He saw the shadow of her head lower. "Your, um, friend made me put it on." She met his eyes with forced self-assurance. "It's the latest in dancing girl costumes, I hear."

This was _so_ wrong. "There must be something around here you can cover up with." He started to walk away, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"I'll look," she said softly. "I can see better than you can."

He could tell by her tone that she was smiling. "All right." As she stepped away from him, he turned to the side of the skiff, looking out at the blowing sand, where there was really nothing to see. He wasn't sure what her intentions were. Hell, he wasn't even sure what his own intentions were. All he knew was that it caused a deep, agonizing ache somewhere in the vicinity of his heart to be near her like this. And he wasn't certain that ache would ever disappear.

He closed his eyes, then was soon startled to realize he was swaying on his feet. _Just what I need, to fall over the side._ A pair of slim arms wrapped around him from behind. His heart leapt.

"You look exhausted." She pressed herself into his back.

"I'm okay."

"Of course, you are," she laughed softly.

What was she doing? Suddenly it was okay to embrace him in front of everyone? When had the rules changed on him?

"You should sit down before you fall down," she whispered softly.

"Yeah, okay." Without looking at her, Han removed himself from her embrace and went to the back of the skiff to sit down. As he passed Luke, the younger man patted him on the shoulder.

"Good to have you back, Han."

Han smiled, clapping Luke on the shoulder in return. "Yeah. Thanks. It's good to be back." They smiled warmly at each other, then Han sat down, leaning back against the inside of the skiff and closing his eyes.

He had almost dozed off when he realized that Leia was beside him, snuggling up against him with some sort of poncho covering her. He wanted to tell her to stop, that she was killing him. But he wouldn't cause a scene here, in front of everyone. So, he let her wrap her arms around his waist, providing him with her warmth. He wondered how soon it would be gone again.

He sighed quietly and allowed his mind to drift, uncertain as to whether or not he could have stopped it had he wanted to.


	26. Chapter 26: Free and Clear

Oh, the drama! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Han was acting very strange. Leia was aware that something was bothering him, but she wasn't sure what. She sat in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon as it headed to Sullust to rendezvous with the fleet. She was forcing herself not to go to his cabin, where she had insisted he go rest after takeoff.

He obviously needed to sort things out. There were many things that could be bothering him. The huge gap of time missing from his life, the hibernation sickness, Lando at the helm of his beloved ship.

Or...it could have to do with her. That possibility had not escaped her. He seemed distant toward her. She couldn't be sure if it was her imagination, but he seemed very withdrawn. But that could be attributed to any number of the reasons she had just ticked off in her mind.

She felt very on edge, unable to relax. She wanted to go to him, hold him, tell him she loved him. She wanted nothing more than to climb into bed beside him, slip under the covers and simply melt in his arms. It had been too long since she'd had that privilege. She had spent the last six months praying to have that opportunity again...it was all that she'd thought of, all she'd dreamed of. And now here it was, yet still she held back.

Maybe he was as nervous as she was. Maybe he wanted her to give him a sign. After all, she hadn't been encouraging before.

With shaky resolve, Leia decided to take matters into her own hands. She left the cockpit, ignoring the glances from Chewie and Lando, and made her way tentatively to Han's cabin. The closer she got, the more nervous she became. But the desire to be near him overrode that anxiety, and she didn't hesitate when she reached his door. She palmed it open and stepped inside.

Her heart fluttered at the sight of him. He looked so beautiful lying there, the blanket falling just above his abdomen, his hair tousled. She had always loved to watch him sleep. She bit her lip, overwhelmed with love for this man.

She edged closer to the bunk, now dizzy with nerves. The urge to be near him, to hold him close in the intimacy they had once shared, was overwhelming. With a deep sigh of resignation, she shrugged off her clothes and slid under the covers. The delightful feel of his skin against hers nearly made her weep. She had missed this so terribly much. Nothing was more beautiful than this. She ran a hand over his chest, running her fingers through the soft, light hair.

Slowly, like the sun rising at dawn, his eyes opened. He looked at her for a long moment, as if he couldn't believe that she was really there.

Then suddenly, he sat up in shock and moved to sit against the wall.

"What?" Leia asked, alarmed.

"What...what are you..._what are you doing here?"_

Leia's heart froze. 

"I...I..." She could barely form a response. "I missed you so much, Han." She was close to tears, but struggled valiantly to hold them back.

He lowered his eyes, his face a mask of pain. "You missed me?"

"Yes. So much," she whispered. She knew she was opening herself more than ever to the possibility of being hurt, but it didn't matter now. All that mattered was being with Han. That he still loved her and they could have some type of future together.

He climbed from the bed, moving to sit in a nearby chair. After a moment of silence, he spoke quietly. "I seem to recall that you weren't able to tell me how you felt."

The way he moved away broke her heart. "I know. It was stupid of me. I was scared."

He nodded without looking at her.

She sat up in the bunk, clutching the thin blanket to her, trembling. "Han?" she whispered in a soft, shaky voice.

He didn't respond, only continued to stare darkly at the deck.

"Han...please look at me."

His expression was tortured as he hesitantly met her gaze. He looked almost as close to tears as she felt.

"I love you...I love you so much, Han," she whispered in a choked voice. And then the tears did come, silently rolling down her cheeks. She waited for a response, but he just looked at her. After a long moment, he stood and began pacing in the small confines of the cabin.

"Leia...I can't do this again. What you've done to me...I just can't go through it again."

A horrible sense of nightmarish unreality washed through her. The pain of his words made her heart go numb. She was losing him...she had waited too long. _Gods, I've been such a fool. Why didn't I see how right this was before? Why did I have to wait until it was too late to realize that this means everything?_

"It'd only be a matter of time before you ran away again," he was saying.

"No!" she cried. She shook her head vehemently. "No. I don't know why I kept pushing you away, Han, but I know better now. I only want to be with you."

He stopped and looked at her sadly. "I wish I could believe that." He shook his head slowly. "But I just can't." He grabbed pants from a nearby pile and moved to the door. He paused just before his hand reached for the controls, leaned his forehead against the door and said quietly, "Please don't be here when I get back."

And then he was gone.

Leaving Leia devastated. She couldn't move, couldn't think. She couldn't see past the pain, the heart wrenching feeling of loss that filled her, leaving room for nothing else. She was barely aware of the tears that fell helplessly from her eyes.

When the dizzying throb in her mind eased to a dull, steady ache, she gathered her clothes, dressed hurriedly, and rushed to the crew quarters. She was grateful that she did not run into anyone on the way. She knew her pain was instantly recognizable.

With a weariness of both heart and soul, Leia lowered herself slowly to the bed, curled up in a fetal position, and continued to weep for a long time...until she had almost drowned herself in tears.

XXX

Han sat in the galley with his head in his hands. He had been sitting like that for over an hour now. When Chewie and Lando had each come to check up on him he had made no pretense as to what sort of mood he was in. He had cursed a blue streak at Lando. Of course, Lando had deserved that anyway.

Gods, he had thought that nothing could be more painful than the last time Leia had torn him in two. He was wrong. Having made the decision to not be with her was proving to be more painful than he could ever have imagined. His heart was in shreds. Every part of him ached with loss.

But what else could he do? How many times would he allow himself to be hurt? He should have decided years ago, at Ylesia, that women were not worth it. First Bria, now Leia. Was he a glutton for punishment? Is that why he took these women back without question, over and over again? Why did he do that?

_I think...That you're a very good-hearted man._

Leia's words. He could still hear her voice. He had never before wanted to be as good hearted as he had wanted to be in that moment. For her. To prove himself to her.

He sighed deeply, digging his fingernails into his forehead, not even feeling that pain. It couldn't compare to what his heart was feeling.

It was too late now. He had to live with this decision. He knew that if he allowed her back into his heart and she pushed him aside again, it would be truly unbearable.

He would have to leave the Rebellion. He _couldn't_ remain there. It would only be a daily reminder of what they might have had. And the temptation to be with her would be overwhelming. No... He had to get away.

With a useless shrug, Han stood up and decided to finally take a look at what had been done to the cockpit in his absence, now that his eyesight had returned. His ship was the one thing he could at least count on.

When Han reached the cockpit doorway, he found Leia sitting in his pilot's seat. The sight of her there, arms wrapped protectively around herself, eyes closed, stirred in him a deep feeling of regret. He knew he should walk away, that he shouldn't care about how small and sad she looked. But something kept him rooted to the spot. He leaned against the doorway, unable to tear his eyes from her.

He noticed that her chin was trembling, the corners of her mouth turning downwards into a portrait of despair. Her brow furrowed as a glistening stream of tears rolled silently down her cheeks.

Han's eyes closed against her suffering, his own face contorting in a sad, sorry expression. What she had said, about loving him...he wanted desperately to believe it. But she had breached his trust so completely, in such a painful way, that he found his feelings overshadowed by doubt.

But his heart broke when he opened his eyes and watched the tears continue to course down her cheeks, a gentle cascade of grief.

Praying that he wasn't making a mistake, Han moved silently to her side. He crouched down beside her, but said nothing. When Han could take it no longer, he placed a hand on her arm. Her eyes flew open and she startled slightly. When she saw that it was Han, the surprise melted away to sorrow, with an underlying fear. Fear of what he would say to her now, no doubt.

"What have you been so scared of, Leia?" He could lose nothing at this point by asking.

She gazed at him, her eyes slipping from his eyes to his nose, his mouth, the scar on his chin. Seemingly memorizing his features. She finally whispered, "I was scared of losing you. I've lost so much. I couldn't take the idea of losing more." Her voice cracked and she closed her eyes again, pressing her lips together to regain some control.

He shook his head sadly. "Why didn't you just trust me?"

She opened her eyes again and took a deep breath before answering. "I do trust you. I always have. But I don't trust life. I don't trust fate."

He took her hands in his and held them tightly, his own voice husky with emotion. "So, you'd rather have lost what we had than to risk what we could have had?"

"I made a mistake. A stupid, stupid mistake. I should have let you in when I had the chance." She bent her head and pressed her forehead against his. "I'm so, so sorry. For everything I've put you through. For everything I've put us _both_ through."

The sincerity in her voice broke him. He couldn't live without this woman. If there was any chance for them, he _had_ to take it. He pulled his face away and saw her flinch with the motion. He reached up and took her face in his hands. "Do you love me?" he asked softly.

Her brow furrowed again as she tried to stop the tears. It was a useless, futile gesture. "More than anything," she replied in an infinitely sad whisper.

Han sniffed, trying to deny the sudden dampness in his own eyes. "Well," he said in an almost cheerful, promising tone. "You better not run away from me this time." He raised a finger and pointed it at her as if she were a child who was misbehaving. "This is your last chance, you know."

Her eyes registered confusion as she simply stared at him, gaping, uncomprehending. Slowly, his words penetrated her haze of sorrow. Grateful understanding made its way slowly to her eyes, and she began to cry anew, tears of relief and joy this time.

Han closed his eyes, pressed his forehead back against hers, felt her soft breath, so sweet against his lips. "Tell me you love me," he whispered.

"I love you...I love you, I love you..." The words that had been so hard for her in the past now fell effortlessly from her lips, as she whispered them over and over, needing to say them as much as he needed to hear them.

Those words, coming from this woman who was a part of his soul, were the most beautiful words he had ever heard. The feeling of elation buoyed his spirit, making him whole.

_Nothing_ was more perfect than this.

XXX

Leia awoke, mid-night cycle, feeling happier, more content than ever before. Han's arms were around her...what a glorious feeling. She thanked the Force, for perhaps the hundredth time, that he had changed his mind. She felt grateful, to him, to life.

She turned in his arms to look at him in the faint light, snuggling closer to him. Why had she fought this? She couldn't imagine at this exact moment. Her heart was so full, her spirit felt so alive, in a way that she hadn't thought possible after Alderaan. She remembered that first year after it happened, how dead she had felt inside. And then Han had come into her life, a vibrant whirlwind. He had slowly driven the cold ache from her soul, warming her, melting her undeniably.

How had she survived without him? Hadn't she always known him? She couldn't remember a time when he had not been in her life.

The past six months came back to her, the way she had been forced to be without him. The loneliness had been unbearable, the fear that she would never see him again, frightening beyond words. The memory of that despair flooded her, and she held Han tighter, causing him to stir, his eyes remaining closed as he pulled her as close as possible.

"Mmmm," he sighed sleepily. He buried his face in her unbound hair. "I love you," he whispered very softly.

Her hands ran through his hair, and she tangled her legs with his, unable to get close enough to him. "I love _you_," she returned in a shaky voice.

He drew back suddenly, eyeing her suspiciously. "Oh, please, Sweetheart. No more tears. Not this time." He appeared nervous underneath the teasing.

She smiled and gently placed her palm along his cheek. "No, it's not like that at all." She smiled wider at his uncertain expression. "I was just thinking..." She bit her lip, the memory overwhelming her again.

"I don't think I like it when you start thinking." He smiled at the mock-angry glare she shot him. His grin broadened when that glare melted to a heartfelt smile.

She looked down, her finger tracing the smooth lines of his shoulder. "I was thinking about the last few months...without you."

He was quiet for a moment, then he asked with a measure of pride in his voice, "So, you missed me, huh?"

She looked up at his cocky expression and raised an eyebrow. "I should hardly feed that oversized ego of yours."

"Aw, c'mon, Sweetheart," he said entreatingly. "Tell me how much you missed me..." He brought his mouth to her neck, rubbing his lips across her smooth skin. "Please?"

She closed her eyes, thoroughly enjoying the caress. "Hmm...I never thought I'd see the day when Han Solo would beg."  
He moved his face from her neck and grinned. "Only if it's for a good cause."

She grinned back. "And I'm a good cause?" Her eyes sparkled into his.

"The best," he murmured.

She smiled softly. Then her expression sobered and she averted her eyes. "I was so afraid for you," she began quietly. "I was afraid you were suffering..." She looked up at him to see that he had dropped his gaze, brow lowered disturbingly. "What was it like?" she asked softly.

He rolled to his back suddenly, closing his eyes. "I don't wanna talk about it," he said brusquely.

The way he drew himself away from her stung. She didn't ever want him to shut her out. She moved to his side and stroked his cheek. "All right," she whispered, eyes filling up again. "I'm sorry I asked."

He blew out a harsh breath. "No," he said firmly. "I'm sorry. I just...I don't want to think about it." He remained where he was, but put his arms loosely around her.

Her heart went out to him. If there was anything she understood, it was the desire to forget. She rested her chin on his chest and gazed up at him. His eyes remained closed. "All right." She paused. "I thought of you every second. I couldn't stop thinking about you. And I dreamt of you...I would dream that you were with me again. And when I woke up, I just wanted to die when I realized it wasn't real. That you were lost to me."

His arms tightened around her and his expression grew painful, but he said nothing.

"I realized while you were gone what a mistake I made. That I should have held on tightly to what we had. That I never should have let it go." She waited to see if he would speak, and when he didn't, she continued. "I was so afraid of losing you that I didn't allow myself to ever really have you. It was unfair...to both of us. After you were gone...I promised myself that if I was lucky enough to get you back, I would never let you go again." To lighten the mood, Leia pulled her body over his and took his face in her hands. "So, it looks as if you're stuck with me now," she said, teasing gently.

His eyes opened and he smiled. "Stuck? With a stuck-up Princess?" He shrugged. "Could be worse."

She tried to conceal the grin that threatened to slowly creep across her face. She was only half successful. "Could be. You could be stuck with an arrogant smuggler."

"Hm. Wouldn't that beat all?" He smirked, but his eyes twinkled.

They smiled into each other's eyes, sharing a moment of sublime understanding. Then Leia reached up and kissed Han slowly, lingeringly on the lips. When they parted, Leia sighed with contentment. Han gently pushed her head to rest on his chest, and they lay there quietly for several minutes, relishing their togetherness.

After a time, a thought popped into Leia's mind. She needed to tell him something, but wasn't sure if this was a good time. But it needed to be said, and she honestly didn't think she _could_ find a good time. She guessed that she should make sure that everything was out in the open. Before they arrived at Sullust and things got more complicated than they already were.

From her comfortable position on his chest, Leia said quietly, "There's something I think you should know, Han." Her heart fluttered nervously. She wasn't at all sure how he would react to what she had to say.

"What?" His tone held a hint of dread.

She took a deep breath before plunging ahead. "After Bespin...well, on the way to the fleet..." She paused for an agonizing moment, then said the last in a rush. "I think that Bria figured out...about us." She held her breath, waiting for some kind of reaction.

His soft chuckle surprised her. "That's your big news?"

"Well...yeah." She lifted her head to look at him. "Han," she said very seriously. "I don't know what you feel for Bria anymore-"

He shushed her, placing a finger over her lips. "Princess, I don't want anyone but you. You have to know that." He kissed her softly before she could respond, then laughed quietly. "And here I thought you were going to tell me there was someone else."

Her eyes widened. "How could you think that? Since Rallorin..." She looked away. "I haven't even thought of anyone else." Her eyes returned to gaze at him in adoration. "I can't even imagine anyone else."

He moved closer to her, the motion forcing her to her back, then kissed her; a long, slow, deep kiss that soon flamed to passion...


	27. Chapter 27: The Time Has Come

Made the best of being home sick today and edited. 1 or 2 more chapters after this until the end.

XXX

_General Solo. General Han Solo._ Han had to admit, it had a certain ring to it. _Been a long time since I considered myself an officer._ He came away from General Madine's office and strode down the corridor, pleased with his decision. _They better not make me wear a uniform._

He had wanted to prove himself to Leia. To prove his commitment to her, and to the Rebellion. Deep down, he supposed he had always known how much he cared for both. And who was he kidding? How could a petty smuggler possibly feel worthy of a Princess? As a general, he might just be respectful enough to believe he deserved her. And so, as soon as they had arrived at the fleet just an hour ago, Han had sought out General Madine and requested to become an official member of the Alliance, complete with rank.

He rounded a corner on the big, Calamarian ship, and was startled to almost bump directly into Bria. Her eyes went astoundingly wide, and her face paled. She stood there with her mouth open, just staring at Han in shock.

Han was somewhat surprised himself. He hadn't realized that Bria would be on board this particular vessel. But that was just his luck, of course.

"Hi, Bria," he said quietly.

The sound of his voice broke through her shock. With a soft exclamation, she threw herself at him, hugging him fiercely. "I...I can't believe you're alive," she breathed.

Han touched her back lightly, uncomfortable with the embrace. Did she know about Leia and him? Leia had said she did, but Han wasn't so sure.

She held tightly to him for a long moment, until Han pulled back, his hands on her forearms keeping her at arms' length. He noticed her hands were shaking, and it just made him feel worse.

"How did you escape Jabba?" she asked in awe.

"Um, Luke, Chewie and, uh, Leia came after me." This was not going to be easy. He dreaded saying it.

Tears brimmed in her eyes now, and in a sudden movement, her mouth was on his. With a shocked, almost involuntary speed, he pulled away, pushing her back by the shoulders.

She looked at him in hurt surprise, uncomprehending. His gaze turned downward, as he sought words of explanation. Before he could form a coherent sentence, she jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"Oh, Han," she whispered, and now a single tear did spill. "I know what you must think, that I didn't come after you. But I didn't think Jabba would spare your life. I didn't think I had a chance to save you."

He didn't want to hurt her. He had loved her, once upon a time, and he did still care for her. But she had to know. "It's not that," he said soberly, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "But...so...what...?"

He took a deep breath and forged ahead. "I don't blame you for not coming after me. I don't hold that against you. It's that...well...Bria, I'm sorry. But I can't be with you anymore." He waited for her reaction, the guilt nagging his brain.

Her brow furrowed further, her confusion growing in intensity. "Why? What did I do?" Then, all at once, realization dawned, and her jaw dropped. "It's her...isn't it?" She whispered harshly. "Princess Leia..."

His eyes dropped to the deck, and he nodded, uncertain of what to say. "Bria, honey...it's just not fair to either of us for me to be with you when my heart belongs to someone else. I should have done something about this a long time ago."

"How could I have been so blind?" She paused, then stepped closer to him, forcing him to look at her. "How long... were you with her while you were with me?" Her eyes displayed intense pain, and hurt confusion.

Han couldn't answer, but apparently, his expression said it all.

"Well. I guess that's why she wanted to be the one to rescue you. I'm sure she figured that you would choose her over me then. Apparently, it worked."

Somehow, that small slight to Leia made him angry. "That's not how it was," he defended.

"Oh, wasn't it? You went back for her at Hoth. Was that part of her plan?"

"There was no plan. Things just happened."

She laughed humorlessly. "They just happened? And I'm sure that you 'just happened' to be her pilot on all those missions. Right?"

He knew that in a way she was right. But still...he hadn't shared those missions with Leia for that purpose. A guilty thought popped into his mind. _Well...not until Rallorin._

"Are you in love with her?" she asked suddenly.

Again, he found himself unable to meet her gaze.

She read his lack of response correctly. "I guess so." Her voice was low. She let out an angry laugh. "How do you intend to keep her? She's a Princess! What is she doing with you? Slumming? She'll get tired of you eventually, you know."

Han fixed Bria with a hard stare. "Listen," he said sharply. "I'm sorry I've hurt you. And I don't care what you think about what'll happen between Leia and me. These things happen along the way. You said so yourself, after Ylesia."

Her eyes grew sad. "Is that what this is about, Han?" she asked softly. "Is it about revenge?"

The feeling of guilt returned, though not as strongly as before. Han shook his head slowly. "No, it's not. It's not about you and me. It's about me and Leia." Then he swept past her without looking back.

XXX

They didn't have much time before they were to leave for Endor, so Han made sure he took Leia aside, whisking her into a small, empty office he had stumbled across.

When the door slid shut behind them, Leia unexpectedly threw her arms around his neck, hugging him to her warmly. "Oh, Han. I'm so proud of you!"  
He practically beamed, as he ran his hands up and down her back in a loving caress. He knew she meant the rank he had accepted. In the briefing room, he had been amused to watch her face melt from absolute astonishment to pure pleasure at the announcement of his Generalship. _Even if I have to wear a uniform, this is worth it._

She stepped back to gaze into his eyes. "So, I suppose this means you'll be sticking around."

He smiled. "Sweetheart, I don't wanna be anywhere without you." He leaned over and kissed her gently. When he stood up straight again, arms still firmly locked around her, his expression grew hesitant. "Listen, I, uh…ran into Bria earlier."

Leia averted her eyes. "I kind of assumed that. I saw her at the briefing. If looks could kill…well, my body would have been jettisoned by now." She tried to smile, but it just didn't come. "How did that go?"

"Pretty much how I expected. She was angry. At me. At you. What're you gonna do? Like I told her, this wasn't planned." He paused to smile down at her tenderly. "It just happened." His fingers caressed her cheek. "Boy, did it happen," he whispered.

She smiled back, eyes alight with love.

Han's fingertip strayed to her lower lip, stroking in a gentle back and forth motion. He watched the caress intently.

"Han?" The seriousness of her voice drew his eyes back to hers. "I feel badly about Bria. Maybe I should speak with her."

He shook his head quickly. "No. I don't think that's such a good idea."

"But-"

"No. It won't help. And it'll probably make things worse. She's got a hell of a temper."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "And I don't?"

He grinned. "Ah, but Sweetheart," he said in a low, enticing voice. "That's just on the surface. Underneath, you're a pittin."

Her other eyebrow rose to meet its partner. "A pittin? Huh. Well, don't let that get around. I have a reputation as an Ice Bitch to maintain."

He stifled a laugh. "If only they could see the way I've got you eating out of my hand."

"I definitely don't want _that_ spread around."

Now Han did laugh, pulling her close and resting his chin on the top of her head. He stroked her hair absently, his expression growing serious. "This mission," he began reluctantly. "This is gonna be real dangerous. I'm not so sure you should be coming. You'd be better off on the command ship, like you'd planned."

Her arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tightly. "Do you remember what you said? You don't want to be anywhere without me? Well, that goes double for me. If there's danger, we'll just face it together."

"Leia, I don't want to have to worry about you."

She pulled away from him and looked at him through narrowed eyes. "Do you think I can't take care of myself?"

That lopsided grin sprung to his mouth. "Course not. I just think I might be distracted, keeping an eye on you. I don't wanna screw up my first assignment as general."

She appraised him with a degree of amusement. "Don't worry, flyboy," she said slowly, mimicking his crooked grin. "I'll watch your back." Then, unexpectedly, she patted him lightly on the backside.

Han's mouth contorted, as he struggled not to laugh. He lost the battle, finally breaking down into loud, uncharacteristic gales of laughter. He held her close, cupping her tiny head in his hand. He marveled at how perfectly every part of her fit with every part of him. Her soft chuckles joined with his, until they finally quieted, and Han moved back to smile into her eyes, loving her more than ever before. He leaned down and kissed her, his tongue parting her lips, his head swimming with a dizzying sensation.

They were both too lost in the moment to hear the door swish open. The soft clearing of a throat almost went unnoticed also, but somehow managed to seep into their consciousness. They broke apart and looked up to see a young Lieutenant standing there, face pink with embarrassment.

"Um, excuse me," he said, staring at the floor. "But, uh, this is my office."

Han was too amused to care. He glanced at Leia, who was crimson. "Hey, sorry 'bout that," Han told the young man.

"Um, that's okay, General." He still did not look at the couple.

Han took Leia by the hand and guided her from the office. As he passed the Lieutenant, he finally made eye contact, and Han winked. He couldn't help himself.

Once in the corridor, Leia stopped and leaned her head against Han's chest, groaning with embarrassment.

"That's a lovely shade of red you've got there," he grinned.

She covered her face with her hand, unable to meet his eyes. "It looks as if I've blown my cover," she said to his chest.

A chilling thought came to him. "Leia...we never talked about this, but...us...are we trying to keep this a secret?" He didn't like the idea of _that._

Her eyes went wide. "No! Of course not! Why would you ask that?" Before Han had a chance to respond, Leia's tone took on a panicked note. "Unless _you_ want to keep it a secret?"

Relief flooded him. "No," he rumbled, smiling softly. "Why wouldn't I want everyone to know a beautiful princess is in love with me?"

Her relief mirrored his. She linked her arm through his and flashed him a dazzling smile. "Come on, General. We shouldn't waste the last of our time alone before the mission."

He smiled back, his pulse quickening at the implications of her statement. He had just about an hour before he had to meet with Madine. And he couldn't think of a better way to spend it.

XXX

Leia entered the mess hall and immediately spotted Bria sitting with Lando at the far end of the large room. She was staring down at her plate as Lando spoke to her quietly. Leia's heart went out to her. She looked so sad and forlorn. She knew how Bria must be feeling.

Despite what Bria had done to Han at Ylesia, and the fact that she had made no attempt to rescue Han from Jabba the Hutt, Leia couldn't help but have sympathy for her. Leia knew, better than most, what it was like to lose the people you loved.

Leia thought back to her earlier conversation with Han. She wasn't certain that he was right. Perhaps if she spoke to Bria, she could make her see that no one had been out to hurt her. The only problem was that Leia had no idea what to say.

She went to the counter, took a meager portion of the distasteful meal that was being offered, and slowly, her heart beating a bit fast with nerves, Leia crossed the room and made her way to Bria's table. As she approached, she saw that Lando was holding her hand gently between both of his. When she reached the table, it was a long moment before Bria even noticed her presence, glancing up and following Lando's gaze. Leia stood near Lando but looked directly at Bria. Her expression registered shock, then disbelief, and eventually anger, her eyes narrowing and her lips flattening to a hard line.

"Hello," Leia said quietly.

"What do you want?" Bria asked harshly.

Leia looked pointedly at Lando, whose eyes were more serious than she had ever seen them. "Will you please excuse us?"

Lando glanced from Leia to Bria, then back again. "Of course," he answered with his usual gallantry. He turned back to Bria as he rose. "I'll see you later." He winked encouragingly. Bria smiled thankfully at Lando before he sauntered away.

Leia took a seat across from Bria, attempting to formulate something appropriate to say. "I just wanted to tell you that neither of us ever meant to hurt you."

Bria laughed humorlessly. "I still ended up in pain."

Leia winced. "I know. I'm sorry."

They were both silent for a minute, and then Bria spoke quietly. "I thought you were my friend."

Leia was unable to let that comment go. She looked up, meeting Bria's eyes. "Bria, we were never friends. I'm sorry if you had the wrong impression, but in truth, I've barely known you."

Bria averted her eyes, her expression returning to anger. "Why did it have to be Han? Why did you have to go after him? You could have had any man in the Alliance. Why did it have to be _mine_?"

Leia's chin fell, and it was a moment before she found a response. "I didn't 'go after' him. In fact, I tried very hard _not _to allow anything to happen between us. I never intended for this to happen. And I don't think Han did either. We started out as friends. We couldn't help where things ended up after that."

"Couldn't help it," Bria echoed bitterly.

Leia sighed. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. "Look, I really am sorry that you've been hurt by this. I don't know what else I could possibly say. I'll just go now." She stood, taking her tray, and when she had turned, Bria's soft voice stopped her.

"You know, I just want to say...I'm glad you were able to rescue him from Jabba."

A pleasant feeling of understanding flowed through Leia. She knew that feeling. It was what she had felt on Hoth, when Han had returned from rescuing Luke, only to fly into Bria's arms. She couldn't have him then, but she was just grateful that he was alive. Without turning back, Leia nodded her understanding, then walked away, feeling somewhat at peace with the circumstances.

XXX

Han waited impatiently with the rest of his squad. He leaned back against the trunk of one of Endor's tremendous trees, trying not to worry too much about Leia and Luke. Damn them both for taking off on that speeder bike like that! Gods, Leia could be so strong willed. _Too_ strong willed. At least Luke had gone with her. If she was alone, Han would be doubly worried.

He thought of how much Luke had changed while he was stuck in that godsforsaken carbonite slab. It barely seemed possible. In six months, which to Han seemed like the blink of an eye, the kid had grown up and turned into a Jedi Knight, a thing that Han wouldn't have even believed in had he not seen it with his own eyes. Before, he would not have taken much comfort in the kid looking after Leia, but now he felt Luke could more than handle it.

Han glanced at Chewie, who rested next to him against the same tree. They were all anxious to get moving. He hoped that Leia and Luke would return soon.

Just as that thought finished coalescing in his mind, Artoo beeped from where he stood nearby, his radar screen spinning.

Threepio translated. "Oh, General Solo, somebody's coming. Oh."

Han and Chewie brought their weapons to bare, using the tree as cover. When Han saw Luke coming toward him, he breathed a sigh of relief, coming out from his cover behind the tree. "Luke!" He looked past him expectantly, his heart fluttering in a nervous rhythm. His worst fears were confirmed when he saw no sign of Leia. "Where's Leia?" he asked as Luke drew closer.

Worry etched the young Jedi's face. "What? She didn't come back?"

"I thought she was with you," Han responded, fear clutching his heart.

"We got separated."

Han could feel the tension forming on his face. _Please let her be okay. Maybe she just lost her sense of direction. She has to be okay._

Luke spoke before Han could form a sentence. "Hey, we better go look for her."

There was no question in Han's mind. Without hesitation, he nodded and gestured to one of his officers. "Take the squad ahead. We'll meet at the shield generator at 0300."

"Come on, Artoo," Luke called. "We'll need your scanners."

Chewie grunted some soft words of comfort from beside Han, but he ignored them, intent on his thoughts. He barely heard Threepio blathering to Luke about worrying.

He couldn't lose her now. They had only just gotten past everything that had kept them apart for so long. He couldn't imagine living without her. He just couldn't.

And it couldn't end for her like this. She had endured so much in her young life. For this to be the end for her would be a travesty.

That last thought put him into panic mode. She had become everything to him. He had to find her.

XXX

Han looked around at the liveliness of their newfound allies. These Ewoks were just a bit too enthusiastic for him.

He glanced around the small hut, noticing that Leia was nowhere to be found. He breathed another sigh of relief in reaction to her unexpected appearance in the Ewok village. He had been so scared he'd lost her...

It was unthinkable. What would he do without her? He hoped fervently he would never have to find out. The way she looked at him made an exquisite warmth flow through his veins. He wasn't sure she could possibly love him as much as he loved her. But the way she gazed at him, as if nothing in the galaxy mattered to her as much as him...it almost made him believe she did

Where was she, anyway? He went to the doorway and looked out into the moonlit darkness. He didn't see her. Why would she have left so suddenly, without a word? Concerned now, Han left the hut and strained his eyes, looking through the swirling fog for any sign of Leia. He could just make out two human shapes fairly close by, standing on a bridge, surrounded by the haze.

As he started toward them, one of the beings, who he could now see was Luke, retreated onto another bridge, striding away from the village. As Han approached, Luke disappeared entirely, and Leia stood with her back facing him, looking off into the abyss.

"Hey, what's goin' on?" He couldn't imagine where Luke had gone.

Leia turned to look at him, and Han noted with alarm that there were tears in her eyes. "Nothing," she answered, her voice trembling suspiciously. "I…just want to be alone for a little while." She turned away from him again, shutting him out.

_Oh no. Oh Gods no._ Why was she crying? His mind was bombarded with only the most awful possibilities. "Nothing?" he asked incredulously. "Come on. Tell me, what's going on?" He tried to keep his voice light, leaning back against the railing of the bridge and placing his hands on his knees.

She turned back to look at him, even closer to tears now. He could see she was struggling to keep from breaking down. "I... I can't tell you."

Han was overwhelmed with a sudden anger. She was doing it again. She was pushing him away. If she was going to run away again, surely it would kill him. "You can't tell _me_?" He stared at her, eyes blazing. "Don't do this again, Leia. You promised me you wouldn't do this again."

She stared at him for a long moment, confusion joining her grief. Then it hit her, hard and fast. "No! Han, no, I'm not running away from you!"

He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why don't I believe you?" He exhaled sharply. "I should have known. I'm such an idiot, trusting you again like this. What was I thinking?"

In a quick motion, she was grabbing his forearms, pleading with him desperately. "Han, please, you're the only thing that makes sense to me right now. You have to believe that!"  
He glared down at her, fear making it impossible to have faith in her words. "Then tell me what you're so upset about."

She bit her lip, her expression becoming more guarded. "I can't talk about it. I'm sorry, Han." Her lips began to tremble, and Han could see that she was losing her battle against the tears. "Please, just trust me."

His eyes rose to a point above her head, as he contemplated her words. What could she possibly be so upset about? A horrible thought slid across his mind, making it numb. Could this be about Luke? The thought made him sick. Certainly, Leia had never seemed interested in Luke in the past, but he was a different person now. He was no longer the backwater farmboy. He was a man, and a powerful Jedi at that. Perhaps Leia was seeing him in a different light. Perhaps her feelings for him had changed, escalated, while Han was in carbonite for all those months. Part of him rejected the possibility, but another part was terrified it might be true.

He didn't think he could take it, if that was the truth of the situation. "Could you tell Luke, is that who you could tell?" He pointed accusingly in the direction where Luke had disappeared.

At the mention of Luke's name, Leia's face contorted in despair. "I.." And she spun away from him, sobbing softly.

His heart was breaking, yet again. How many times could she torture him like this? This _had_ to be about Luke. Her reaction proved it. He closed his eyes against the crushing pain in his heart, shaking his head with dismay. He'd had more than enough of this. With a heartfelt sound of disgust, he stomped away from her, intent on putting as much distance between them as possible.

But the further away he got, the sharper the pain became. He stopped suddenly, feeling her soft whimpers as much as hearing them. They tore at his heart, making abandoning her impossible. With a sad sigh, he turned back to her, completely baffled by his own reactions. He made his way back to her with deliberate slowness, hoping to sort out his own feelings by the time he reached her. He was unsuccessful.

When he was finally upon her once more, he struggled to find something appropriate to say. He fiddled with the bridge, wishing he could think of something that would make her want him, and only him. Something that would cause her to throw herself into his arms and beg him to never let her go. "I'm sorry," was all that came to mind.

Apparently, it was enough. Trembling, tears still falling, she turned to him slowly, gazing up at him as if he was her lifeline. "Hold me," she whispered. And then she did throw herself into his arms.

Flabbergasted, without even the tiniest clue of what was really going on, Han just wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his love and warmth. Whatever she felt, whatever she wanted, he couldn't control the intensity of his feelings for her. As they always had, her tears melted him, rendering him helpless. He couldn't maintain his anger, couldn't just leave her alone with her sadness.

So, he held her tenderly, resting his cheek against the top of her head. How was it that this one, tiny woman could have him wrapped so completely around her finger? Was she aware of what she did to him? Of how she made him a helpless slave to his heart?

He closed his eyes, holding her more tightly, praying it would not be the last time. She continued to cry softly, her face burrowed into his chest. When she seemed to be calming down, he resisted the urge to ask her again what was upsetting her so. Instead he gently took her chin in his hand and brought her gaze up to his.

"You should probably get some sleep, Princess," he said quietly. He brushed away her tears with two fingertips, his mouth slipping to one side in a questioning expression.

She smiled up at him, her eyes still shining. "You take such good care of me."  
He had no idea what to think of that statement. He smiled back half-heartedly. "I guess someone has to."

He wound one arm about her and began to guide her back to the village. When they reached the hut she had been given for the night, he paused at the entrance.

He stood there in the moonlight, uncertain of what she expected him to do. Afraid to presume too much, he leaned close to kiss her lightly on the forehead. "G'night, Princess."

Her brow furrowed in genuine confusion. "You're not staying with me tonight?"

He could see that she felt hurt by this idea. _What_ was going on here? "Only if you want me to," he offered.

"Of course, I want you to." She took a deep, cleansing breath and was suddenly back in complete control, as if she had never been crying at all.

He nodded, hiding his confusion, then followed her inside the hut. The animal-hide flap hanging over the doorway brushed against his face as he slipped past it into the tiny, almost pitch-black room. He could barely make out her small form as she laid down on the large bundle of pelts in the corner. She took off her shoes, and curled up on her side, facing him.

Feeling somewhat awkward, Han removed his boots and shirt, then joined her. Instantly, her arms were around him, her face nestled against his neck. She sighed contentedly, leaving Han mystified.

He closed his eyes, sighing into her hair and pulling her close. He was exhausted. He'd been physically fatigued to begin with, but now found that he was emotionally drained as well. He felt her hand move to gently stroke the back of his neck and found that the caress just increased his fear of losing her. He didn't want to imagine living without this feeling, without her touch...

He couldn't imagine it. He wrapped his large body around her smaller one, surrounding her with his need to be close to her.

_Maybe it's all my imagination. Maybe she's not going to leave me again. Maybe this isn't about Luke._

But he could think of no other explanation. So, when he finally fell into a restless sleep, his dreams were filled with demons he had thought long left behind.


	28. Chapter 28: Euphoria

Last chapter! Thank you all for coming on this twisty ride, I appreciate every reader, like, favorite, and review!

XXX

Han couldn't believe the ferocity of these Ewoks. After his entire squad was captured by the Imperials, Han had thought his one and only chance at destroying the shield generator was shot to hell. But then Threepio and Artoo had emerged from the forest, seemingly for no reason.

And then suddenly the Ewoks were attacking, their primitive weapons far more effective than Han would have believed possible. And here was his shot at the bunker.

With Leia close behind him, he made his way back to the bunker door, offing stormtroopers as he went. Leia punched in the stolen code to gain access to the bunker, to no avail.

"The code's changed! We need Artoo!" she yelled.

Han looked down to find the plug for Artoo to jack into. "Here's the terminal."

He heard Leia speak into her comlink. "Artoo, where are you? We need you at bunker right away!"

Han dropped to one knee, aiming his blaster, careful to keep Leia behind him, protecting her with his own body. He took shots at any Imps that came within his sights, hitting his target almost every time. When he saw Threepio and Artoo coming toward them he stood quickly, still providing cover, but urging them on.

"Come on! Come on!"

"Oh, Artoo, hurry!" Threepio exclaimed.

The small droid arrived at the terminal, quickly extended his computer arm and jacked into the socket. As his servos began to spin, a stormtrooper hidden in the brush took a shot at Artoo, and Han dove to return fire. The next shot hit its mark and a shocking explosion caused the astromech droid to shriek in deafening alarm, shaking his barrel-shaped body as an electric current ran through him, causing all his compartments to burst open. He was pushed back against the far wall with a crash. He shuddered, wailed, then fell silent. Smoke spewed from his openings. Han managed, with grim satisfaction, to get off a shot that downed that particular stormtrooper.

"Oh goodness! Artoo, why did you have to be so brave?" Threepio cried.

Han and Leia spent a fleeting moment staring at Artoo in shocked dismay, then Han quickly returned to the terminal.

"Well, I suppose I could hotwire this thing," Han muttered with a lack of conviction.

"I'll cover you." Leia knelt in front of him, firing into the fray around them.

Han ripped wires from the panel, twisting them around each other, hoping that he had it even remotely right. The panel sparked a few times, and Han took that as a good sign.

"I think I got it! I got it!" A hopeful surge flashed through him as he heard the doors beginning to move. With a loud clang, a second blast door settled with disappointing finality over the first. Han's heart sank as a grimace passed over his features. _Damn!_

He turned back to the panel, but his attention was drawn inexorably when Leia cried out in pain. Heart in his throat, Han dropped beside her, realizing she had been shot in the arm. His hands shook at the thought of the near miss. If the bolt had hit a more critical area-he couldn't think about it.

"Oh, Princess Leia, are you all right?" Threepio asked from behind Han.

"Let's see," Han said quietly, sounding calmer than he felt.

Her face was contorted in pain, eyes closed. "It's not bad," she bit out.

"Freeze!" came a harsh, male voice from behind Han.

Han's blood went cold. Damn, this couldn't be the end. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He wouldn't let them be taken. He wouldn't let them touch Leia. He didn't care what he had to do.

"Oh dear!" Threepio's panic filled voice barely made it through to Han's racing mind.

"Don't move," the authoratative voice spoke again.

A movement at Leia's waist grabbed Han's attention and he saw that she had her blaster in hand, ready to fire. An intense relief filled him. No, they were not out of this yet, but there was a shot now. He looked at her and their eyes locked; in the depths of her eyes he saw determination...and love. In that moment, it didn't matter what her intentions were. If she was leaving him for Luke, so be it. But he loved her, and that all-consuming emotion was all that mattered.

"I love you," he whispered, meaning it more than ever before.

"I know," she responded, understanding completely.

"Hands up! Stand up!" The rough voice intruded upon their intimate moment.

Slowly, Han stood, raising his hands in compliance. In a flash, he turned, jumping aside as Leia downed both troopers, faster than Han could blink, faster than he would have believed possible.

He grinned down at her, and they shared another heart stopping moment.

It was short lived. An Imperial walker lumbered toward them, the sound of its mechanical legs stomping against the forest floor. With the screech of metal, its huge gun turned and aimed directly at Han, whose expression of elation had quickly faded to disbelief.

"Stay back," he whispered to Leia. She pulled her legs back into hiding in the alcove of the bunker.

Hands raised, Han turned to face the walker, struggling desperately for some course of action that would still allow them the desired outcome. But he could think of nothing.

The hatch at the top of the walker popped open, and Han braced himself. When he saw Chewbacca's furry form ascend from inside, Han was so grateful he would have kissed the Wookiee had he been right before him.

"Chewie!" He almost wept with relief. "Get down here. She's wounded!" He started to turn to Leia, but an idea hit him. "No, wait!" He looked at Leia, his eyes lighting with hope. "I got an idea."

Han returned to Leia, carrying a tube of bacta gel and some bandages. He also had some painkillers in his pocket, but he knew she was going to refuse them. _Stubborn woman. _ He grinned.

There was still tension in the air. Despite the fact that they had accomplished their mission, the Death Star still hung, a massive threat in the sky. The battle seemed to by dying above, but from here it was impossible to see who seemed to be emerging victorious. So, Han concentrated on what he could see.

Thankfully, Leia had at least remained where he had left her, resting against a huge, fallen log. He dropped beside her and began rolling up her sleeve.

"I told you, I'm fine."

"Well, it doesn't hurt to play it safe," Han said distractedly.

She sighed in mock annoyance, and he stopped what he was doing to look up at her. He went completely still, staring deeply into her eyes, uncertain as to what he saw there.

"What?"

"Nothing," he shrugged and returned to his ministrations. He applied the gel, then grabbed a bandage and began to wrap the wound.

A sudden, unexpected explosion shook the sky above them, and Han and Leia turned to see the Death Star burning brightly, an undeniable, unbelievable victory. Cheers went up all around them. Han grinned, delighted, then was hit with a disturbing thought.

He turned back to Leia and found that she was staring up into the sky, a look of wistful concern etched into her features. Han's heart stopped for just a moment, then returned to pumping blood through his body, more loudly than before.

"I'm sure Luke wasn't on that thing when it blew," he assured her.

"He wasn't," she said with an odd certainty. Her gaze drew inward, reaching deep down for something that Han couldn't see. "I can _feel_ it," she whispered.

_Oh boy._ This was most certainly it. She was in love with Luke. For whatever reason, she hadn't wanted to tell Han. Perhaps she hadn't wanted to hurt him again. But as he watched that dreamy look on her face, he realized he had to let her go, no matter how much it might hurt. And it would hurt. In a deep, cutting way that would probably feel like death.

But if she wanted Luke, he wouldn't make the decision difficult for her; he wouldn't deny her. He wanted to see her happy, above all. If Luke would make her happy, well then, Han would step aside and allow them to be together.

The thought inflamed a dark jealousy in him, but he pushed it aside and looked at her lovely face. "You love him...?" he asked slowly. She turned to face him now, her brow lowering in confusion. He put on a cheery facade. "Don'tcha?"

She looked at him strangely. "Yes," she shrugged as if it were obvious.

"All right. I understand. Fine." His tone conveyed casual indifference. "When he comes back..." He paused a moment, unable to maintain the facade. He looked back at her, his resignation and dismayed hurt now apparent. "I won't get in the way."

For a split second she stared at him in utter confusion. Then blessed understanding was in her eyes, and she gave a short, whispery laugh. "Oh...it's not like that at all," she said softly.

Han's mouth rounded slightly in questioning wonder. What did she mean by that?

She leaned closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, her eyes and words both gentle. "He's my brother," she whispered.

The words seemed to hang in the air between them, making no sense at all to Han. Brother? She didn't have a brother. What was she-

_Luke?_ He turned his face away, willing his mind to comprehend, feeling that the thought was simply too wonderful to be possible.

Her hand was on his face, pulling him back to her, and she drew him close and kissed him on the mouth, lovingly, blissfully. He responded automatically, his mind still working to process this sudden information.

And then it didn't matter. How she had come about this knowledge, the truth of it, was unimportant. Her brother! Hah!

He grinned, a feeling of pure joy overtaking him, then he kissed her again, hard and quick, sealing their silent vow. They gazed into each other's eyes, sharing a moment of understanding, love, and accord. Time stood still as they allowed the gentle tides of their shared emotions to wash through them, mingling in a way that Han would never have believed possible.

Epilogue:

Han led Leia away from the celebration, the excitement and joy still reaching their ears, seemingly carried on the wisps of fog around them.

But they had no trouble shutting out the distant din of revelry. They could barely see past each other. They stopped at the bridge where just last night Han had felt so scared and confused. Now, his heart was filled with just the opposite: hope and joyous understanding. The news that Vader was her father had shocked him speechless, and he'd held her while she cried, trying to understand how this could be possible. When she had been unable to speak of it, Han had found Luke and dragged him over to explain.

The explanation was mind blowing. But once he had understood, once he had processed it, he had turned back to Leia, heedless of Luke's presence, and said quietly, "Doesn't matter. I know who you are. I love you for that."

She had gazed up at him in astonishment, her eyes softening. Then, forgetting her brother's presence just as completely as Han had, she reached over and pulled his face down to hers for a long, slow kiss. When they finally looked up Luke was simply gone.

Then Han had led her away, and they were unable to stop touching each other, their hands stroking arms, backs, hair, gazing deeply into each other's eyes, unable to look away. Leia was overwhelmed with love, more than ever before. She wouldn't have believed it possible, but it was true. She had been so afraid to tell him about...

She couldn't think about it. Not now. She couldn't ruin their time together, their celebration, with thoughts of personal despair that would only render her incoherent.

His understanding, his unquestioning acceptance, had healed something inside of her. Her darkest fear, in all of this, had been losing Han. That he would somehow stop loving her. On some level, she had known that thought was ridiculous. But on another, deeper level, a level where she could barely acknowledge what she felt, she had been terrified.

But it was for naught. He loved her. He would continue loving her.

Standing alone with him on the bridge, the way he looked at her, sent rapture through her soul. She leaned into his warm, strong body, turning her face up invitingly to his.

He smiled with a gentle emotion, then brought his lips to hers, so warm, so soft, so blissfully perfect. They kissed for an eternity, and Leia could taste the sweet wine that the Ewoks had provided on his tongue. His kiss was far more intoxicating than any wine.

When they parted, he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, his breath coming quickly. This woman was all he wanted in life.

"_I love you_." His deep whisper sent a chill down Leia's spine, and she shivered, causing him to draw her closer to his warmth. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you. _Ever_." He was dimly aware that he was babbling, but he didn't care.

She ran her hands through his hair, resting them in his soft, dark locks. His arms enveloped her, crushing her to him, as if he sought to fuse their bodies together. "I love you, Han. _So much_." She breathed against his neck, loving the feel of his skin against her mouth. "I'm sorry for everything I put you through before...I was so stupid..."

"Doesn't matter now." She could feel the rumble of his voice deep inside her, as if they were actually joined. "_This_ is all that matters now."

She sighed in contented perfection. "I know. You're right. But I promise you," she whispered softly, the overwhelming emotion threatening tears yet again. "I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you." She wrapped her arms tightly around him and closed her eyes.

For a long moment, he was silent, contemplating her words, trying to decide if he should say what was in his heart. Finally, he decided he couldn't _not_ say it. "Why, Princess...are you asking me to marry you?" He waited with his heart in his throat, his breath at a complete standstill.

Leia froze. Was he saying...what she thought he was saying? Now the tears did spring to her eyes, swiftly, wrenching her heart. She pulled back to gaze up at him, her voice refusing to function. She opened her mouth, frightened by what she wanted to say. "I...I... yes...I guess I am."

Han barely heard the words, she whispered them so low. His heart was flooded by such a deep feeling of sheer, adoring love and joy, he had to close his eyes against the intensity. When he opened them again, she was staring up at him fearfully. "A…Princess?" He could barely get the words out. "And a guy like me?" he asked breathlessly. "It could work."

And then he smiled, a dazzling smile that took her breath away, making her know, with absolute certainty, that this was right. That they belonged together. That they would never be apart again.

He picked her up and swung her around, holding her close and trembling with the relief of knowing that now they truly belonged to each other. Undeniably. Irrevocably.

He kissed her gently, their lives and souls deeply entwined, immersed in each other.

end.


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